Hashing in Purgatory

Run #1008, July 25, 2005

Hare:  Basket Boom Boom

Weather:  High 80’s, HHHH (Hot, Hazy, Humid, Hellish).

Location:  Purgatory Chasm, Sutton, MA.

Present:  Dry Foot Fairy, Dr WHO, Tinker, Gives Great Head, Oozing SD, SESYB, Async, WIPOS, Seamus. On On On Groupies: Bondo Jovi, Dogmeat, Ben, Jake.

The Run:

Purgatory Chasm is out of the usual range for the RIH3 (although it has been done in the past). The hare was desperate to lose his reputation for unimaginative, shiggyless, agonizing jaunts through Glendale. So he came up with an unimaginative, shiggyless, agonizing jaunt through Purgatory. This hash foreshadowed our eternal destinies. It’s probably what we deserve. Hell on earth! The group met at an unmarked dirt parking area just past the on-ramp to Rt 146. Parking was at a premium, especially after Async made a rare appearance, driving a shiny black gas guzzling mega-SUV. He has a new Harley, too. He’s embezzling again, most likely. Sold his soul, perhaps. But I digress. Promptly at 6:30, they headed out southeast on an old paved road.

They came to some powerlines and a check. Trail turned west, up hill. A brief bushwhack, and then they returned southwards on deer paths. Very dull, and predictable. Even the newcomer GGH wasn’t fooled. No one was moving too fast, in the oppressive heat. They crossed a branch of the Purgatory Brook. This was nearly dry, but there was some mud on banks. Shiggy? A satanic taunting; shadows of what might have been. Pathetic. They turned west.

Finally, confusion ensued, not so much because of devilishly clever markings, but more because of the incompetence of the hare. Async and Dry Foot led GGH on trail along Purgatory Brook, looking for shiggy. They found more mud, dried and cracking in the heat of the Inferno. Dr. WHO was shadowing the demonic hare. No help at all. Finally, up hill and to the north, Oozing and SESYB found true trail. They were heading towards the chasm. But it was not yet to be entered, apparently.

Another check, still off trail sent Async straight, while GGH and WHO turn left through briars following sounds of WIPOS, temporary FRB. WIPOS as FRB! Now that’s hellish! They crossed the brook turning north and took a prolonged bushwhack to “Charley’s Loop”. The pack was mostly together by now as they continued west past the chasm trail. They came to an intersection and Oozing led southwest to the brook, then north on bushwhack on the west side of the same brook. WHO, being ornery after being cheated out of the chasm, turned early and followed on the east side of the brook, on a comfortable path.

Oozing led loudly and vocally, enthused by the thought that there had to be some shiggy ahead. He was sorely disappointed. No shiggy in hell, apparently. But the pack made their way across the brook, dry-footed, to catch up with Dr WHO. WHO had come across some of the on-out markings, and was thoroughly confused. His natural state. He followed the pack reluctantly as they passed him. They continued on the path and turned up to a mini-chasm, complete with small cave. But was the beer there? No! The hare had foregone this place of natural beauty and scenic wonder to place his BC 50 yards up slope. On a nondescript part of the trail marked only by a few pitiful sprouts of poison ivy. This was indeed Purgatory!

The Beer Check was marked by a few songs, and a recycled beer that probably had been OK when it had first left the brewery, all those years ago. SESYB toyed idly with a few ticks she had collected. The rest searched in vain for more of our little six-legged friends to put down the hare’s shirt. No one was lost, and yet in a fuller sense, all were truly lost. So to speak.

Beer finished, on out they ran. The hare had set a bushwhack east along the path in. Few fell for it, and most took the trail back to chasm. Marks led WHO, Async, Dry Foot, and GGH northeast up the Charley’s Loop trail. They ignored the attempts of the hare to bring them back to his trail, down in Purgatory. From atop the cliffs they called down to Oozing, SESYB, WIPOS and Tinker: “Abandon hope, all ye who follow the hare!”, “Suffer, ye lost souls!” and “We’ll see ye in Hell!” Some kids playing in the rocks with their parents on the other side of the chasm were confused. But following the hare has its price. And it must be paid.

The group high on the ridge easily made it to the parking lot. They came out on the road, and turned south to the cars. But back in the Chasm, the infernal trail took its toll. The intense heat nearly finished off SESYB. She made it to the street before collapsing. She required resuscitation. All volunteered to loosen her clothing. Finally WHO drove up and put her in his air-conditioned car. He drove her back to the parking area. The aroma of his running shoes worked like smelling salts. She awakened and quickly escaped into Oozing’s vehicle.

All collected, they convoyed back to 290 Snake Hill Road for the circle. Bondo was there. Satan chortled in Hell. They gathered around a kiddy pool, and rated the run: insufficient shiggy, no one lost, running out of beer, Bondo at the end; HHH (hot, hazy, humid), near heat-stroke for SESYB, no Bondo until the end. Total: 6.9. Hashit: WIPOS, for lame attempts to give it to someone else. They finished off with a BBQ: burgers and pasta salad. For the final proof that malevolent forces were at work, the Red Sox lost in the 10th to Tampa Bay.

On On