Providence Tour de Garbage

Run #1009, August 1, 2005

Hare:  Dry Foot Fairy

Location:  Branch Ave Stop and Shop, Providence.

Weather:  High 80’s, hazy and humid.

Present:  Tinker, Dr WHO, Basket Boom Boom, Bondo, WIPOS, Gives Great Head, Just Nat, Oozing, SESYB, Seamus. Visitors: Polly (Dublin H3), Sparky the Hobosexual (Newport H3).

 

The Run:

Providence is not exactly ideal territory for the RIH3. Little mud or poison ivy, fewer briars, and few non-paved areas worth the effort. And the pubs charge an arm and a leg. But it is convenient. Especially for the lazy. And, most importantly for a prospective (lazy) hare, garbage almost counts as shiggy. So being both local and exceptionally lazy, our hare decided to set trail in Providence/North Providence. (At least he avoided the East Side. Hashing with the yuppies again would be almost too much.)

The usual crew met at the back of the parking lot of the Stop and Shop on Branch Ave. There were a lot of discarded plastic grocery bags, some empty Gatorade bottles and a few condoms. Not too bad. Basket and Bondo showed up. Now that’s too bad! Polly arrived from Dublin, via New Hampshire. When will he learn? Sparky, a Newport H3-er and another Providence resident, took advantage of the proximity and showed up. But the hare couldn’t attract Pounder-On-It , yet another East-Sider. One wonders why?

The hare promised two beer checks. The hare said it was an A to B. The hare warned against his own trail, or at least the “Eagle” version at the “Turkey-Eagle” split. Some were trying to convince Just Nat that the “T” and “E” marks referred to “Tough” and “Easy”. Ruin that one, why don’t you, hare! Bondo and WIPOS decided to ignore the other warnings of the hare, and set up their bikes to ride this one, assuming excessive pavement would be present.

They were off, out of the parking lot, west on Branch Ave. The T-E split was immediately encountered. All decided to be turkeys. No surprise, here. Birds of a feather can’t change their spots. Or something like that. They crossed the bridge, continuing west on Branch to a large circle jerk around the Charles Street Triangle. The trash was overflowing from the public trash cans. A vagrant slept on a bench. The circle-jerk only fooled the FRBs, again proving the wisdom of avoiding excessive exertion on the hash. Bondo and WIPOS used their bikes to get lost further off trail than anyone. We should encourage them to bike whenever possible. Basket, SESYB, and Oozing led GGH, Just Nat, Polly and WHO further west on Branch Ave. They came to the powerlines before the 146 entrance ramp. The obvious route was taken. They ran north up the dirt path to the first BC at the dam that forms the south shore of Upper Canada Pond.

The beer was brought out. The pack straggled in, even Tinker making it relatively promptly. Bondo and WIPOS remained lost. Tinker took one look at the beer choices. He left to continue ahead. But why? The beer may have been generic but there was an almost endless variety of refuse and garbage here. An empty, doorless refrigerator stood just off the trail. Some old whitewalls were stacked beneath a tree. Used condoms and empty beer cans were as always ubiquitous. Old fishing line with rusted hooks was festooned on every bush. An orange T-shirt stagnated in the water. For some reason, this one proved especially fascinating. Oozing strained his ingenuity to finally grab it without getting his toes wet. The shirt was finally retrieved. It was nothing special, but it was charred at the neck and sleeves, prompting some Richard Pryor jokes. Naturally, the “Music Man” followed, along with some other favorites. They lost track of the time. Unfortunately, this allowed Bondo and WIPOS to arrive. The rest left hurriedly.

Trail led north, then east into some neighborhoods for a brief loop. But all could sense that the pond was where the trail would lie. After a short jaunt north on Langdon Rd, they in fact did turn back to some paths along the shore. These were overgrown, and had some dried mud. [The weather has been killing our trails. We need some rain! But I digress.] Naturally there were some old rotting newspapers as well. And SESYB found a framed woodburning with a nauseating picture of a child and an insipid motto. She had to have it.[This is what a RISD degree gets you. A need to create “art” out of discarded crap. I’d like to see her bedroom. Actually, I really would! But I digress, again. How do I stop myself from doing this? Maybe I should have a few sessions with Oozing. Am I nuts? Wait a minute! I’m digressing yet again! I’m going to stop now. I promise. It’s just that it’s hard, once you know where the “bracket” key is. Who can blame me? These write-ups are so dull, anyways. You should all be grateful. That’s it. I’m finished. For now.] At any rate, these trails were sure to provide a challenge to anyone dumb enough to bring a bike. Ha, ha! Continuing north, a second brief spell on Charlotte St, and they turned back behind a playground and west to the second BC, in some smelly swampland at the head of the pond, behind some storage sheds off Mineral Springs Ave.

The smells provoked some conversation, as they drank their beer. Tinker began to provide a Botany lesson, describing the natural history and uses of some of the weeds growing amidst the rusting appliances, old tires and used condoms. [Another RISD type. I’m beginning to sense a pattern. Or is it just gas from that Philly cheese-steak I had the other day at Mark’s. Boy, that was a rough one. Wait! You don’t have to tell me. I’m digressing! Help!!] Ah, nature! What would we do without it? But the lesson was cut short yet again. Against all odds, Bondo and WIPOS appeared, grimly dragging their bikes trough the underbrush. WHO and Oozing were tired of this. They waited until the bikers had opened their beers. Then, they stole the bikes. They continued on out, on trail.

The trail crossed the dried remnant of stream, heading west. It soon turned south and entered some soft sand pits along a powerline parallel to 146. No bike riding here! But surprisingly little garbage! WHO and Oozing realized that they would have had better revenge had they simply left Bondo and WIPOS to manage their own bikes. They were even overtaken by GGH and Just Nat. But finally the trail emerged onto the shoulder of 146 and they were able to shoot ahead on a packed dirt path just inside the guardrail. The rest followed at their own pace.

The leaders rode back out to Branch Ave, under 146. They entered the Shopping Plaza as per the hare’s instructions, and squeezed through a gate in the back. They came to a bridge over a particularly vile stream with rusted shopping carts, mattresses and more tires and condoms. There was even a rusted bike. Beautiful! A chalked sign suggested staying at the bridge to wait for the hare. Right! They rode on and entered the parking lot for the RI School for the Deaf. They saw the hare’s car. They saw a young couple making whoopee in the grass (and garbage) next to the parking lot. The couple didn’t seem to care about or perhaps, hear the hashers. Makes sense, I guess.

The circle was held just adjacent to the parking lot. Ratings included comments on the excessive pavement, the frequent reappearances of Bondo and WIPOS, and the lack of shiggy. But virgin territory, fine smells, refuse on trail and two beer checks changed the balance. Total: +0.69. Hashit: Basket, as always. Why don’t we just skip the formalities, and make it his permanently? The circle began to get boisterous, with Oozing, Basket and Polly fencing using long weed swords. Tinker tried to protect the weeds briefly, but soon joined in. Since no one was paying any attention, they called it quits and swung low.

On back they went, out of the school and east on Hawkins Street, crossing over 146. Turning right on Branch Avenue, they soon came to the cars. Parking lot nakedness ensued, as they changed in the dusk. They convoyed to the On On On at the East Ave Café in Pawtucket. As always, they were tolerated but not appreciated as they sang and behaved, both badly. There is no trash in Pawtucket, or at least there wasn’t until we arrived!

 

On On