Merry Slushmas Hash

Run #1030, December 26, 2005

Hare:  Bondo Jovi

Co-Hare:  Bondo’s Son-in-Law

Location:  Cumberland/Wrentham.

Weather:  40’s, Light and intermittent rain.

Present:  Dr WHO, Basket Boom Boom, Oozing SD, SESYB, Fuwangi Boner, Dry Foot Fairy. Visitors: Pig F**ker, Nice Snatch, Willie Wanky (Halve Mein H3). Late: Shine On HM (B.R.).

The Run:

Early arrival Dr WHO was joined at the start in melting snow by misguided wankers Pig F**ker, Nice Snatch, and Willie Wanky. They had driven from Albany New York. They had arrived under the misapprehension that there was to be a Christmas hash in RI. How could they know? Bondo was hare. (Note to Hash: We really should publish disclaimers on the web site.) He was “live-setting” with his son-in-law! There would be no merry Hashmas this year! The hares took off. A policeman drove by. He took one look, shook his head and wished them well. He must know Bondo. Some beer was opened. Basket drove up. Can’t get much worse than this. But at least he brought whiskey. This softened the blow a bit when Fuwangi pulled up. Worse, yet! Dry Foot, Oozing and SESYB arrived. A bit late, they set out east from the parking area on an abandoned road.

Rapidly they moved off road, onto some poorly cleared trails. The group stayed together uphill and then turning south. The marks were few, and poorly placed, with miniscule quantities of flour. So far, so good. Nevertheless, together they came to the first major check. Basket turned east. The rest spilled out onto Sumner Brown Road. All directions were tried unsuccessfully. But finally they realized that they would have to follow Basket. Reluctantly, most reluctantly. They turned east and then north. The trail began to zigzag. This allowed the followers to bushwhack in a straight line and catch up to the leaders. Still together, they burst out into a muddy clearing and another check.

Trail was found by Oozing and Pig F**ker. It led east across a stream, and then uphill. The path was occasionally interesting: it led through water puddles, thin ice, or even ice submerged under freezing water. About half chose the direct (wet) route, while the others struggled through brush and briars alongside the path. Trail turned north on a ridge line above the stream. The visitors and Fuwangi led SESYB and Dry Foot left (west) at a check at the base of a hill. While they circled the hill, Basket and WHO heard the dogs straight ahead. They bushwhacked north up the hill and arrived at the beer check minutes behind the leaders. Oozing and Nice Snatch were unaccounted for.

Bondo Beer was broached and the RI Rhubarb refused to rise yet again. Just as it seemed that the run might be a success, Nice Snatch arrived. Even worse, it was not too long before Oozing appeared. In disgust, the hare headed down and out onto the powerlines to set trail on out. After the beer was finished, the rest, led by SESYB and Dry Foot, followed. Trail led southwest on the powerline path. The stream crossed the trail. SESYB crossed the stream. Up to her waist. Dry Foot followed, but the rest found a narrow log bridge a few yards into the woods.

They continued up the powerlines into a residential area. They crossed Grant’s Mill Rd. There were no marks. Clearly they were on the right track. Especially when the path led back down into a swamp. But just when the trail was starting to be enjoyable, they came out and found the entry trail which led back to the cars. It was decided to circle up back at the hare’s. So they convoyed over to Woonsocket, and set up shop, not in the garage, but in the first floor rooms! Where they found Shine On! Woonsocket is full of these kinds of hazards.

Ratings for the run: nice swamp and shiggy, decent beer, and minimal pavement had to contend with no one lost, Basket at the BC and Shine On at the circle. Only the holiday spirit allowed a +0.69. Hashit was initially given to Oozing, but he seemed to want it so much it was transferred to Basket. Closing the circle, food was brought out. And then it was time for Santa Basket and the Yankme Swap. Popular items were Spam, sexual aids, some Guinness, Spam, a “NY Solid Waste Assn.” Jacket, Spam, Spam and Spam. (Bloody Vikings!) Another wasted holiday.

On On