A New Year but not a New Hash

Run #1031, January 2, 2006

Hare:  Basket Boom Boom

Location:  Burrillville

Weather:  Low 30's, clear.

Present:
RIH3: Amish It Head, Async, Bondo, Dr. WHO, Dry Foot Fairy, and Great at Giving Head.
Happy Valley H3: Cums on Vacation, Canus Lickus, and Anti-Cock.
West Chester County H3: Tub Slut and Ciderman.
Halve Mein H3: Nice Snatch, Willy Wanker, Pig Fucker, and Just Lee.
Support: Dog Meat.
Hounds: Seamus, Zuni, and Scruffy.

The Run:

The pressure was on. The precedent for the First Hash of the Year was already set to astronomical levels, that not even the venerable legend Basket Boom Boom could even hope to achieve. Let’s go back in time and see why…
 

Jan. 3, 2005 – Tri-State Hash

“It was unseasonably warm, if not toasty. A light rain was falling. It was pitch black. What better way to greet the New Year than to show up in the middle-of-nowhere Massachusetts for a run set by an unemployed hare recovering from multiple surgeries.”
 

Jan. 5, 2004 – Pulaski Park Shiggy Romp

“The Inner Border trail was reached and followed to the covered bridge, crossed east and then taking a completely unnecessary shiggy romp up the North South Trail, into the woods through more excellent wetness and back to the covered bridge. The hare's a wank!”
 

Jan. 6, 2003 – Dr. WHO’s Revenge

“All in all, Dr Who succeeded in thoroughly punishing the hash for that damn case of Genny Light. Raging would have been proud.”
 

Jan. 7, 2002 - The Johnston Powerline Electromagnetic Nocturnal Emission Hash!

“If the hare were not Basket, this could have been the best hash ever!”
 

The list could go on and on, but the point has been made. Even before the hash, the hare was in trouble. Obviously crumbling under the pressure, the hare was mysteriously absent as the others gathered. Dry Foot met Dr. WHO and Amish in the parking lot at Tarkiln Pond off Mowry Road. Async arrived (it must have been a bank holiday). G@GH showed up, and the hash started to look like another pathetic bunch of regular wankers. Then Just Lee walked, yes, walked in to join the others. He mentioned something about a car full of other hashers from somewhere in up-state New York, but he couldn’t quite recall any of their names. Ah, a true hasher-to-be.

A car full of traveling hashers arrived carrying Tub Slut, Nice Snatch, Willy Wanker, and Pig Fucker. As the hash started to look even more pathetic, Happy Valley H3 showed up to save the day – Cums on Vacation , Canus Lickus, and Anti-cock. Ciderman arrived, but the pack was already away, heading to the corner of Mowry Rd and Oak Valley.

[Scribe’s Note: Zzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrp! It’s now April 22, 4+ months after this hash, and I still haven’t finished this write-up (no doubt indicative of the impression this hash left on me). Nevertheless, duty calls, and I will continue this write-up 100 days and 600 beers later. The accuracy of this account will no doubt be flawless.]

After the check, trail lead down Oak Valley Road with Async blazing the way. If it weren’t for a quick diversion into the woods, Async would have made a b-line straight to Slatersville Reservoir. Trail bent westward, and our happy visitors followed trail and rural roads through private property and farmland. Just Lee would have been impressed, if he were not still intoxicated from the previous hash (somewhere in Upstate New York.. no doubt he still didn’t know he was in RI). Nice Snatch and Pig Fucker were almost too fast to miss the first beer check – make that a champagne check. Unfortunately, Basket called them back. Fortunately, Tub Slut was nowhere to be seen.

The thirsty pack made short work of the bottles of champagne, and the pack was off and heading north toward the reservoir. Reaching all-too-familiar territory (even to RIH3’s newest – G@GH and Amish It Head), the reached the powerline trail just off Douglas Pike. Clearly dissatisfied by the pathetically small portions of champagne, most followed WHO and Cums on Vacation. Somewhere along trail the hare mentioned something about a beer check next to a cemetery. After crossing Gig Rd, trail was soon lost and the situation was nearing a riot situation, as the thirsty pack frantically searched for beer. Dry Foot, with his keen beer senses, quickly sniffed out the beer in the cemetery. All rejoiced!

Beer, song, sweaty cold hashers, and a cemetery – aaaah, what could be better to start the new year! After the beer check, the pack made the short trip southward and back to Tarkiln Pond to their cars. Everyone returned to Basket’s house for the circle and on-on-on. Comments on the run were predictable from the regulars. Comments on the run were predictable from the visitors. Comment on the run was predictable from the visiting two-timer Just Lee. Therefore, the overall rating for the run was a predictable –0.69, a brilliant way to start a new year of hashing. And for hashit, it predictably went to Bondo, a pathetic way to start a new year of hashing.

Hot food and cold beer were welcomed by all. Yet the Half Mein and WCC contingents had to take off early, as they were attempting to make the WCC H3 hash later that evening – talk about a hard core group of wankers! The RIH3 hashers hung their heads in shame, but only for a short while – nothing more beer couldn’t remedy.

And with that… at least I got this write-up done.. finally!

On On

Dry Foot Fairy