The Bondo Marathon 2006
Run #1040, March 6, 2006
Hare: Bondo Jovi
Location: Woonsocket, RI (where else?)
Weather: 40’s, clear
Present: Amish It Head, Basket Boom Boom, Cum Under PSHS, Dry Foot Fairy, Fuwangi Boner, G@GH, Oozing, WIPOS, Ben, and Seamus.
The Run:
Bondo, the hare, wused out on the x-country ski hash in Rumney. His excuse? He had to hare the following Monday. Pathetic! Therefore, since he missed the ski hash, he had no excuse for setting another miserable excuse for a run that could only be: (a) a clockwise loop around Bondo’s house through the streets of Woonsocket, or (b) a counterclockwise loop around Bondo’s house through the streets of Woonsocket. With such high expectations, the usual suspects started to arrive.
So who was not there? Yes, WHO was not there. Obviously, our heralded surgeon had as sense of good judgment. Either that or he was out of state somewhere on a pharmaceutical-paid-for conference needed to pimp out more drugs. Nevertheless, nobody complained by his absence (except for those addicted to such drugs). I digress.
The hare decided to take off. Nobody followed him. After all, why would they? It was cold outside, the trail would be well-known, knee-jarring, all-too-familiar Woonsocket pavement. And the best reason… there was a keg of beer in his garage. Nevertheless, since the hare did not return and it was nearing 6:45 p.m., the pack gathered and took off. But not before passing out Depends for everyone to wear, some the right way, some the wrong way, and others on their head. (Bondo would have to make a late-night trip to CVS to replenish his stock).
Despite low expectations, the pack departed on what appeared to be a predictable, boring clockwise jaunt around the hare’s house – Winter St, to Summer St, to Spring St, and back down to Harris Ave. And to complete all that anyone has ever come to know about a Bondo hash, the pack went into Cold Spring Park, led by Fuwangi and Basket. Marks quickly disappeared in the darkness of night. Basket searched one way, Amish another, G@GH another, while WIPOS and Cum Under observed the spectacle. Finally, Oozing found true trail, which led out to Singleton St. and turning right back to Harris Ave.
Trail headed north along Harris Ave for what seemed miles until a check was reached at Federal St. This only fooled Dry Foot and G@GH, as this was surely a mere loop up the hill, down Ascension St. and back to Harris Ave again. Not fooled by this, Basket, Amish, and Fuwangi continued down Harris with WIPOS, Oozing, and Cum Under in tow. Trail bent left (west) along Main St. to Tupper Park. At this point, Basket knew exactly where the beer check would be. All were dying of thirst and shin splints.
Trail continued straight down County St. and left toward the factory and a predictable right into the woods. Dry Foot and G@GH, once FRB’s, now DFL’s followed the others trying to catch the pack. Through the woods and onto the edge of the deepest chasm of Woonsocket (no, we’re not talking about Bondo’s ass), the beer check was finally reached. Even Seamus and Ben were exhausted by this long quest for beer.
After the beer check, the hare took off telling the others to just go back the way they came – 2 miles back to his house, which was an uneventful and long run back down County St, to Main St, to Harris Ave, to Meadow St. Circle was held after all the stragglers finally made it to Bondo’s garage. Not much to say about this run except for the fact that nobody could have believed Bondo was physically capable of laying such a long, gruesome, knee-jarring, shin splinting trail. But give the guy a weekend, and he could actually lay a trail worth running. In other words, Brilliant! The mathematical total equaled a +6.9! And for reasons comprehensible to all, hashit went the most incomprehensible to all – Cum Under.
On-on-on was the usual chili at Bondo’s, but this time without JBS to help out (god help us all!). Nevertheless, the famished ate heartily and all were content, or else delirious. And yet another pathetic excuse for a Monday evening concluded.
On On
Dry Foot Fairy