Carolina Fish out of Water Hash

Run #1041, March 13, 2006

Hare:  Great at Giving Head

Location:  Carolina Trout Pond, Richmond

Weather:  mid 40’s, misty/fog.

Present:  Dr WHO, Amish It Head, Basket Boom Boom, Dry Foot Fairy, Oozing SD, Cum Under PSHS, Seamus. Visitors: Pork-a-Orca (Okinawa H3), Cum Titty NH Seacoast H3), Butt Wiper.

 

The Run:

The hash returned to the deep south (of RI) with deep misgivings. The hare’s last efforts in Westerly were so bad, not even Dr WHO has been able to muster up the strength to do a writeup. So in fairness to the hare, here’s the writeup for Run #1032: Dr WHO, Amish It Head, Oozing SD, SESYB, Basket Boom Boom, Seamus (and Cumonder PSHS and Dry Foot Fairy late) joined the hare at a Boat Ramp in downtown Westerly. Trail led them on a long, unnecessary and boring counterclockwise loop through the streets of Westerly. The snow didn’t cushion the painful impact of all that asphalt. No one got lost. There was a beer check in a sleazy bar, that ran out of decent beer, so they were stuck with BUD!!! Not even Seamus would finish the pitcher. More pavement, and then it was finally over. They circled. Dr WHO tried to drown himself. Cum Under was hashit. They had the On On On in a restaurant across the river in CT, and massaged their shin splints through dinner.

O.K. Now that that’s over with, this hare was up again. Wisely, he settled on Carolina North, starting from the Trout Pond. The run was nearly over before it started as the hare bribed Dr WHO, Amish, Dry Foot and Basket with beer from his trunk. But a visitor arrived. Shame made the run necessary. And Cum Under was heard from, bringing a special mystery guest. Not wanting the visitor to run away from what is becoming the Brokeback Hash, they all decided to wait for the womenfolk. Then they took off on a long, unnecessary and boring counterclockwise loop through the trails of Carolina. No one got lost. Dr WHO tried to drown himself. Cum Under was hashit. Sound familiar? All right, all right! I’ll give more details.

Cum Under had brought Cum Titty from NH with her. She, like so many, had been a victim of the Rumney Ski hash, and hoped to catch another glimpse of Dry Foot naked. Luckily, she was disappointed. All present, they were on out at 6:50. Trail led south on the access Road, then turned into the woods east on the Shippee Trail. At the first check, they started uphill, still on the Shippee Trail. No one was lost, and Basket and Porc-a-Orca led. At the second check, most chose to turn west on the Essex trail. They were correct. Basket chose to continue up hill. Wrong again, but this time it led him straight to the beer stop! (Even a blind pig gets an occasional acorn, as we-all say in Caroliner.)

Porc-a-Orca led Dry Foot and WHO at the trail turned south on The Laurel Trail. Several checks suggested but failed to deliver, a bushwhack. Further and further south they ran. Finally a check was encountered that seemed to have some promise. Dr WHO turned east into the woods, while the visitor and Amish continued to a false mark just before Pine Hill Road. But he could only find two marks. Confusion reigned until a horn was heard nearby to the east. It was Basket. What a choice! They broke through the underbrush to join a smirking Basket, beer in hand, on the Meadowbrook Trail. Disgusted, WHO and the visitor turned north, and, Basket having marked the checks (so he wouldn’t get lost heading back), they checked northwest back on Shippee, and came upon the beer cooler, halfway up the hill.

The beer check was marked by peaceful beer consumption, at least until Cum Under and Cum Titty arrived. Then the whining started, and they were forced to drown out the sounds with a moderately long Rhubarb session. But there were only twelve beers. You can only nurse them so long. So they continued out on the Shippee trail. Getting back to the cars, they realized that the bimbos were missing again. Despite the fact that they were reversing their course, AND the hare had left a large arrow marked “Cars”, there was some concern that the two DFL’s might be lost. No such luck.

The Circle was joined. Ratings for the run mentioned: no shiggy, no one lost, all trail, flour excess etc. On the positive side, though, it could not be denied that there was NO Bondo and NO Fuwangi. Total: +0.69! Hashit was given to Cum Under, despite numerous attempts to divert it to Basket. He’s a slippery bastard! For variety, they tried to go for the On On On to the Wood River Inn. There must be some kind of early-hash-warning network in the restaurants in this state. They closed just as the group pulled in. So off again to the Big River Inn. The visitors were given instruction in Beer Protection Strategies, food was ordered and songs were sung. Any bets on Porc-a-Orca? Smart money says he has to pick someone up at the airport the next few Mondays!

 

On On