Innovations in Hashing

Run #1045, April 10, 2006

Hare:  Cum Under Pubic Saw-Her-Squat

Location:  The Lodge, Lincoln

Weather:  High 40’s, Clear

Present:  Dr WHO, Dry Foot Fairy, Basket Boom Boom (or “Enema Bill Look at Me”), Amish It Head, Great at Giving Head, Bondo Jovi, Oozing SD, SESYB, Async, WIPOS, P.W. (Misses Enema Bill), Seamus, Ben, Riley.

The Run:

For her second outing as hare, Cum Under knew that another city run would not be welcomed. Someone suggested that she try Lincoln Woods. The hash hasn’t been there since Jan 2005. And the hare had a few tricks up her knickers. She figured that if she tried hard enough, she could set the entire hash using only SIX MARKS! Brilliant! Now wait a minute. This really IS brilliant. Think for a moment if you will about the astounding concept here. Lincoln Woods is very hash-familiar territory. Marks are almost redundant. If ultimately someone doesn’t make it to the beer check, the hash is a resounding success. And if everyone makes it to the BC, any complaints about lack of flour can be dismissed as excessive whining. This is just breathtaking in its simple beauty! Magnificent! Hare of the week!

Lincoln Woods is a 627 acre park, 126 acres of which are taken up by Olney Pond. There are many wonderful features of nature. There are a number of smaller ponds, one to three acres in size. There is some good swampland to the northwest. There are a few small streams, and one covered bridge. There are two dominant hills: Tablerock and Quinsnicket. There are large numbers of glacial erratics. The hashers expect to encounter most of these features. The hare’s trail took advantage of NONE of these features. This would lead to even more confusion. Kudos again, for the hare and her creativity! And she had other ideas, as well. The hare claimed to have placed beer cans on bushes to show trail in some areas. She mentioned that she had invented a new mark: a “T”. She was somewhat unclear on what exactly this “T” was supposed to represent. Possibly it was some sort of modified False Trail mark. Or was it a check? No one was sure. The hash looked forward to encountering this! Outstanding! Hare of the Year!

On with the run: starting from The Lodge, the hashers were directed out of the rear parking lot heading east. The pack saw no marks until they came to the first check. Basket led north at the check, drawing Oozing, Bondo and WIPOS with him. WHO tried continuing east into someone’s back yard, but figured the hare wouldn’t have the same comfort level trespassing as most of the group. He turned back to meet Async, SESYB, and Dry Foot. They turned north to the sounds of the bugle, but were soon called back by the hare. Returning, the evening took a turn for the worse, as they encountered first a young Golden Retriever, and then… P.W.! (God knows why he had chosen this hash to make his reappearance. He must have finally given in to his cravings to be with his nemesis and hero: Enema Bill. By the way, I’m NOT going to try and explain any of this! I don’t get it either!)

At any rate, Async led back through the landowner’s yard, and they crossed Rt 123 to enter Lincoln Woods. A brief bushwhack, and they were on the access road with the hare who appeared more and more worried when she couldn’t find any marks. She couldn’t even find the “T”. (Or was this just another new trick of hers? We’ll never know.) Finally she led them through some bushes to the south side of the “Beer Check Pond”. The leaders followed the path along this pond. Basket (Enema Bill LAM) and the others burst onto the scene on the north side of the pond. The two groups paralleled each other and came together at the valley just beyond the pond. Trail turned southeast and led towards the Campground and Ball-fields.

The hash was well dispersed at this point. Basket (Enema Bill LAM) and G@GH led on the roads, with SESYB and Amish sticking with the hare. WHO and Oozing climbed partway up Tablerock Hill, but eventually short-cutted back to join the hare. Async climbed to the top of the hill, and drew Dry Foot with him. They saw Bondo and ran. P.W. (Misses Enema Bill) was strolling along, listening for bugle sounds. No one was seeing any marks. Finally, the hare led SESYB, WHO and Amish bushwhacking southwest at the foot of the hill along the bed of a marshy stream. Sound like shiggy? Sorry. Completely avoidable. Crossing the stream at the hare’s direction WHO met up with G@GH and they found the beer. Despite their best efforts at calling “False Trail” etc. the rest trickled in. Basket (Enema Bill LAM) arrived. P.W. (Misses Enema Bill) arrived. They immediately resumed their on-going verbal battle of half-wits as if it had been paused yesterday and not since July 2002(?) when they had last sniped at each other! Even Oozing eventually made it.

The beer check had one redeeming feature: the three dogs started getting acquainted. In the swamp. Finally, the shiggy started getting used to advantage! P.W. (Misses Enema Bill)’s dog, Riley was particularly enthusiastic in his efforts to cover his thick fur with viscous mud. And it did seem to make him attractive to Ben and Seamus. A canine version of the “Sexual Life of the Camel” was enacted. (With the mud of Lincoln taking the place of the sands of the Nile. And Riley did seem to have an inscrutable smile. But, I digress.) This inspired the group to start singing. The beer, provided by Basket (Enema Bill LAM), was a good Trinity Ale. Things were looking up. And then the hare announced that she had not bothered to mark the trail back! The innovations NEVER STOP! Stupendous! Hare of the Millennium!

After making fun of SESYB, who appeared to be well on her way to intoxication from one of these beers, the group left and broke out the flashlights. They individually made their ways back northwest over the hills to The Lodge. They gathered in the woods near the pond, and circled up. Ratings for the run commented on the lack of shiggy, lack of moisture, and lack of marks. But as mentioned above, this came out as girlish whining, so she ended up with a respectable +6.9! Hashit went to Oozing, for whining the most (although it was a very close contest!) Finishing up, they moved into The Lodge for food, and actually had requests for singing from one of the waitresses. They are either getting more tolerant there or the hash had better work on its enunciation!

On On