WHO lives WHERE? Hash

Run #1046, April 17, 2006

Hare:  Dr WHO

Location:  WHO's House in Tiverton, RI

Weather:  60, partly cloudy

Present:  Oozing, Basket Boom Boom, WIPOS, Dry Foot Fairy, Amish It Head, Cumunder, Bondo Jovi, Fawangi, Trail Hoover, Async, Seamus, Ben.

The Run:

Ok, ok – so I forgot to name my previous two hash write-ups, is that a sin? Or more of a sin than just showing up to the hash with you wanks?

I think not. But one sin beyond all sins is inviting the hash to your house. WHO would do such a stupid thing like that? WHO would! What started out looking like a fantastic hash with only Dry Foot, Async, Amish and the hare present quickly went downhill with the arrival of Fawangi. And then Oozing. And even worse, Basket. And even worse worse, Bondo. And even worse worse worse, well – you get the idea.

The pack left as close to on time as possible and followed trail west on Main Rd towards the Rt24 onramp before heading right, uphill into the woods. Except for Basket who (not WHO) kept running towards Rt24 without anyone calling him back. Why would we?! After a few upsies and downsies through a rock-laden trail and a few checks that had to keep us going north paralleling the highway (going left meant running into Rt 24, and WHO knows if Basket decided to go that way) we ended up at a field with small signs marked “Private Property.” It’s only illegal if you get caught, right? Most followed the arrow placed on a rock. Someone (but I’m not one to name names, right Oozing?) moved the rock to point the arrow in a different direction. Brilliant! Unfortunately it didn’t manage to misplace any hashers, but it did manage to make Cumunder complain.

Once through what was to be one of one hundred and fifty-three stone walls we ended up in a beautiful little area with multiple merging paths, a cute little pond., and gorgeous beat-down Ford F-150 with “WEED” spray painted on the roof. So breathtaking was this area that Cumunder was overwhelmed and managed to forget Fawangi’s name. Let’s all be frank here though (except for Hoover, she should stay Hoover because the last thing the RI Hash needs is more man), if there is anyone’s name to forget it would be Fawangi’s. Oozing picked up a lampshade and tried to offer anyone a “nightstand.” In a surprising moment of hash intelligence, no one accepted.

True trail was found shortly after and the pack started north-west, right towards a wonderful shiggy pit. I didn’t notice WHO’s shoes before, as they were sure to have told a tail of what was in store. Mud. Ankle deep mud. Ankle deep mud with a wonderful rainbow sheen of what had to have been waste oil. Someone hold me.

After covering a fair distance of the above mentioned shiggy pit, the crew plopped up onto a nice dike, or dam, I’m not sure which. Somehow Fawangi managed to secure position of FRB and led everyone over another one of those stone walls and through some rough-cut trail with lots of leaf-covered rocks and holes. Whether WIPOS’s walking stick was useful in this situation is still a debate (a masturdebate?!), he still managed to hang with the pack so it obviously didn’t hurt. Trail worked slowly west and then dead-ended into Fish Rd. Fawangi crossed. Amish turned farther west into an intersection of two trails. Being not so bright he chose the one with more briars. WHO in this hash is bright though? Calling on-on he lead the pack through what should be described as briars with a path through it, not a path with briars on it. This ended into yet another open area and who did Amish see other than Dry Foot and Async. How? They were behind everyone a little while ago and now that they were ahead it meant only one thing. A circle jerk! And not the kind with a happy ending either – this one meant more briars, therefore more pain!

After a little running around in tiny circles true trail was found on a nicely packed path, but not for long as Oozing saw a mark to the left into the woods. Claiming he was going to take a piss, and Basket being darn-near blind not being able to see the mark, the pack almost kept going straight allowing Oozing to have the beer to himself! This was soon corrected and all proceeded at a whopping snails pace through trees, briars, and more mud prior to arriving at a “pudding” rock marked with a B. No pudding was found. Basket was lifted on top of the rock. Others walked around in a brainless stupor. Amish found the beer. Hoover could not reproduce the one-beer drunken show of last week. Boo!

In what was to be one of the hash’s most pathetic beer checks of 2006, only Bondo attempted to sign a song. None listened. Very fitting. Hot nuts were consumed (I don’t remember anyone making any “hot nuts in the mouth” jokes – can this really be true?), and beer downed as discussion led to last weekend’s Boston Marathon hash. Somehow Dry Foot managed to resist the urge to get naked. Basket, well, we all know he has to fight the urge to NOT get dressed in the morning so him getting naked was a given. And WHO else bared all? None other than WHO himself. Amish’s decision to skip the Boston hash couldn’t have been better.

Incoming rain and impeding darkness had the group heading out shortly after arrival to the beer check and soon enough we found a trail leading back towards Highland Rd, with only a stop for the circle on the top of a lookout tower keeping them away from food. With a nice view, rain holding off and beer it’d seem like a great place to hang out – until you looked around and saw WHO you were hanging out with. Comments on the run included: virgin shiggy in non-virgin location, everyone being happy Fawangi wasn’t introduced to WHO’s daughter, no singing at the beer check and some others. I can’t remember and is it really that important? Mathematical sum on the run: -0.069. I think. Or 0.069. Is that really important either? Hashit went to Cumunder for sitting down and complaining on trail. Most of the group packed into the hare’s pimpmobile for a ride to the house. Amish, Bondo and Basket decided to be men and run the one mile back. Of course 1/8th of the way there they started complaining like little girls due to the abundant amount of pavement.

Beers and pizza were consumed back at the Little Bear, which not so surprisingly had a caved little bear in the dining room. What was surprising was the appearance of a shower in the men’s room. What goes on in the Little Bear stays in the Little Bear?

On On

Amish It Head