The “Oh Wow, it’s Another ‘Round the Reservoir Hash” Hash

Run #1046, May 1, 2006

Hare:  Fuwangi Boner

Location:  Diamond Hill Park, Cumberland, RI

Weather:  60s, partly cloudy, windy

Present:  Async, Dr WHO, Basket Boom Boom, Oozing SD, SESYB, Fuwangi Boner, Seamus.

Not Present:  : Bondo Jovi, Basket Boom Boom, Oozing, Dryfoot Fairy, Dr. WHO, Amish Ithead, Cumunder, Async, Seamus.

The Run:

Note: It was no surprise when directions were finally posted sometime mid-day Monday that the hash would be in Cumberland. If Fawangi was too lazy to post directions earlier, you know he’d also be too lazy to lay trail far from home.

Just like WIPOS gear, the pack showed up in layers. Bondo, Basket, WHO and Dryfoot were first and took off with the hare on time. Amish and Oozing were a few minutes late but not far behind. Async was next to last and somehow Cumunder took the rear entrance (maybe a renaming to Lu-Lu is in order?!) and followed trail backwards to meet everyone post-beer check.

Things started off by leading the pack uphill for a scenic view of Cumberland. Or at least I assume, being late Oozing and I followed the toots of Bondo and Basket rather than the hare’s flour-marked trail so I don’t know for sure. Haha, toots. By a pair of fruits. It rhymes, get it? Man I need more sleep.

Anyway, going up the ski slope and then back down the other side led us to a dead end street within a condominium development filled with the friendliest of occupants. One was even nice enough to step outside and greet Bondo with a “Don’t you realize this is private property….you’d better not be coming back through here again!!!” Strange, if I saw Bondo plop out of the woods in front of my house I’d stay inside and lock the door, a character of his nature is never up to any good.

After a short spell of pavement, trail led back into the wilderness going east. A little bushwhacking here, a little bushwhacking there and next thing you know a beautifully packed trail was before our eyes. And the reservoir. Wonderful Diamond Hill Reservoir. Wow, what a shock. With WHO leading as FRB, Basket and a newly shaved Seamus (I much prefer the look of a shaved pussy to that of a shaved dog) close behind, everyone headed clockwise around the reservoir. There was a check or two, but they fooled no one.

Upon arrival at a “BN,” Basket and WHO turned left and climbed the face of a steep hill towards heaven in search of the nectar of the gods. Instead they got Amish, who’s not God and foolishly climbed up after them with no beer in hand. Hoping they could fool other hashers, Basket blew and blew his horn (being able to blow your own horn, isn’t that a prerequisite for Grand Master?!), and Amish called on-on. Dryfoot and Oozing soon arrived. Only Bondo stayed on trail (not counting the hare, of course) although not due to superior intellect, but due to complete laziness. With beer still not in sight and the super cool subset of the hash up on the rocks high above you think he’d get off his lazy ass and look around a bit. But he didn’t. Once the super cool subset of the hash came down from the rocks true-trail was found to continue following the reservoir’s edge and much farther away than the “near” of “beer near” should mean, we arrived at the beer check.

Although no songs were sung (other than a single pathetic attempt as everyone chugged their beers prior to heading out) the beer check did have some Victory Storm King Stout (STORM KING!!), which is pretty damn good and pretty damn strong despite Bondo’s criticism, so not all was lost. As the beverages were being enjoyed a flash of yellow streaked through the woods – Async. Much to his shagrin, the Chariots of Fire theme song was not to be played for his arrival. Discussions on the Interhash, the past Saturday’s Purgatory Chasm Boston Shiggy Hash and other nonsense were held prior to a quick departure back on trail.

The pack headed left scaling yet another steep hill while Basket and Seamus continued straight. Much to our displeasure both trails converged not much farther ahead so the two were not lost to be arrested by Cumberland’s finest. After more up and downhill action the group came out into the back of a new neighborhood, although not the above mentioned development with the friendliest of people. And WHO did we see? No, not WHO, WHO’s been with us the whole time – none other than Cumunder. Camouflaged by hiding her normal fluorescent pink vest under a black fleece she talked about heading this way and that way on trail but never reaching the beer check. Much shrieking occurred. Back into the woods and back up the ski-slope hill the pack finally settled in near the cars and the circle was formed. More Victory was consumed (STORM KING!!) and the run was rated. Despite the setting sun everyone could see the brown on Bondo’s nose he gave it a 20 on his scale. Amish was pretty happy about spending some quality time with Oozing in the beginning. WHO complained about the lack of septic system shiggy. Basket complained about Dryfoot being quiet. Mathematical total: -0.69. Yahoo! Hashit given to Cumunder for some reason, I’m not quite sure (STORM KING!!!). Much shrieking occurred. The driving winds moved everyone along to Tuck’s were more beverages were consumed along with bread and soup. Seven more days till I need to see you wankers again. Thank god.

On On

Amish It Head