Hashing on the Highway

Run #1058, July 10, 2006

Hare:  Dry Foot Fairy

Location:  Cranston Ice Rink

Weather:  Clear, Mid-80’s

Present:  Basket Boom Boom, Async, SESYB, Bondo Jovi, Dr WHO, Oozing SD, Fuwangi, Cum Under, Mother Goose, WIPOS, Seamus, Ben.

The Run:

The run started from the back of the parking lot for the Cranston Ice Rink, as well as the Cranston Animal Control Offices (a locale all-too familiar to Ben and his master Bondo). The hare announced that he would be live-setting, and left after donating some beer to the gathering hashers. For no good reason, the hash was well-attended, with all the usuals joined with a surprising lapse in judgment by the back-sliding Mother Goose. After finishing up their beer, they set off.

Trail was found behind the parking area on an overgrown grassy dirt road, heading northwest parallel to Rt 295. Led by WHO and Async, the group came to the end of the short grassy path, turned left through some dense poison ivy and came out to Phenix Ave and a check. WHO tried straight up what turned out to be a driveway. Fuwangi tried left and briefly entered the quarry across the road. Async and Oozing found true trail north on Phenix crossing over 295. They soon found the next turn off, back into the woods on an old road. They ran uphill on either side of a fenced in cell-tower and found a path parallel to the northbound side of Rt. 295. After a short jog along the cliff overlooking the highway, they came upon the hare, and the first Beer Check.

The group straggled in gradually. The spot was pleasant and picturesque. The ambience of a BC on graffiti-emblazoned ledges overlooking a man-made canyon cannot be overestimated. Add the diesel fumes and traffic noise of an Interstate Highway wafting upwards to the broken beer bottles and used condoms: hash heaven! Cum Under became increasingly concerned about Mother Goose, who had not made an appearance at the Beer Check after 15 minutes. She backtracked to find her. She was not to be seen again on trail. In true hashing style, Mother Goose soon thereafter arrived from the wrong direction. Things were looking up. The hare soon left to mark the next segment, promising a second scenic beer check.

Ten minutes later, the pack followed. Trail continued northwest along the highway on at first a well-defined path and then, after a check, into some briars and bushes close to the road. Led by Async, they emerged into the ditch by the shoulder of the highway. Briefly, they went back until they came upon a crossing dirt road and a check. It was fairly obvious. The hare had turned southwest, under 295. Async, WHO and Amish ran together, and as a group decided to ignore a check that led north into a swamp. Houses could be seen, just visible through the brush, and it was assumed correctly that the true trail would be a worthless loop. As always, it could be stated. Unfortunately, some distance in the rear, Basket, Oozing and Fuwangi came to the same conclusion. So the hare’s efforts were unappreciated by all who made it this far. And by this time, Mother Goose and SESYB had decided to follow Bondo’s perennial example and so they turned back for the cars. WHO needs more than one beer check, anyways?. So a large group was returning to the cars.

Trail was rejoined, confirming the uselessness of the swamp loop. A second check was encountered. Async tried south, while Amish continued west. WHO relieved himself on the trail. Async found the hare. Amish found a No Trespassing sign. The rest found the evidence of WHO’s relief. Trail led south then turned back east, paralleling the edge of the large quarry. WHO tried the quarry and some logging clearings with no luck. Basket and Fuwangi caught up, with Amish in tow. They came back to a check on the southbound side of 295. Undecided for a moment, they turned southeast. Only to catch a glimpse of the hare and Async paralleling their course on the cliffs between southbound and northbound traffic. WHO had to be forcibly restrained from running across traffic to climb up and join them. He sensed beer. And not much else! They continued.

The group led by Basket continued southeast. With increasing skepticism, Fuwangi, WHO, Amish and WIPOS followed all the way back to Phenix Ave. and the site of the first part of the trail. Raising Seamus over the wall at the overpass was a challenge, and when it became obvious that the only way to get to the beer was to climb over another wall onto the center island, Basket decided to pack it in. Amish agreed. So it was WIPOS, Fuwangi and WHO that proceeded northwest on the center cliffs to meet the hare and Async, just packing up the second beer stop, at a ledge overlooking the first beer stop. The beer was unpacked again. Fumes were inhaled, and broken beer bottles kicked about. Apparently, juvenile sex is not as attractive on a center island, as there were no used condoms. Youth has no initiative these days!

Trail back was unmarked and uneventful (except for the difficulty in restraining Ben as he approached his home-away-from-home at the Dog Pound. The group was waiting patiently. The circle was joined in the grassy area behind the parking lot. Ratings for the run: large amounts of pavement and lack of shiggy could not outweigh the multiple bimbos, the loss of large numbers of hashers, the two beer checks, the virgin territory and the arrival at the circle of a curious skunk. (If Ben had not been quickly restrained from investigating the skunk, the total might have broken 3 digits!) Total: 6.9! Hashit was given to Oozing, for persistent and unnecessary discussions of soccer. They finished up, and moved on to Billy’s Frosted Mug. WHO wasn’t there, so you’ll just have to use your imagination about what went on that night. Hopefully, some Rhode Island wieners were involved. We know some Rhode Island whiners were.

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