Up the River Again Hash

Run #1059, July 17, 2006

Hare:  Async

Location:  Big River, West Greenwich, RI

Weather:  High 80’s, Humid

Present:  Basket Boom Boom, Amish It Head, Just Travis, Tinker, Short Shorts, Fuwangi Boner, Dr WHO, Oozing SD, Dry Foot Fairy, Cum Under PSHS, WIPOS. Virgin: Just Bobby.

 

The Run:

The hare decided that creativity was over-rated, so he decided to set from a parking area on Rt 3 just past Burnt Sawmill Road. Maybe it’s a good thing. This run was more than a month ago. WHO can’t remember the details? But after all, it is the most hashed area of RI, outside of Glendale. Big River. Where Trail Hoover set trail in the sand pits because they remind her of her childhood sandbox. Where Oozing set in the recent logging-cuts, claiming virgin territory. Where Amish set from park-and-rides, for some queer reason. Where every time the Slasher Dr WHO sets: a dog is about to die. Where Async sets in ponds, streams and any body of water, frozen or otherwise. Suffice it to say, hashers have been complaining about overuse of the area since at least 1997.

The hare chose to mix it up a bit, and live-set the start. He has done this before. It usually means trouble. He mentioned that there would be a “T-E” split, and recommended against the “E”. WHO listens to the hare? After introducing the virgin brought by Just Justin(Travis) to the marks, the group set off. To find that the hare had resorted to an annoying and infantile delaying tactic: a short loop east back to Rt 3. No one was fooled. They emerged onto the road, and crossed over Big River on a bridge. Not a few of them glanced wistfully at the shiggy beneath the bridge. While Basket carried on, the rest followed Amish and the newcomers back into the woods south. They soon came to a “Turkey-Eagle” split. As usual, Dr WHO tried to convince the newcomers that it was a “Tough-Easy” choice. Being anxious to impress, they followed WHO down the “T” while only Dry Foot and Fuwangi were man (dumb) enough to go on the “E”. Basket continued to wander around, off trail.

The trail led southeast, winding around considerably. It was remarkable mainly for the lack of interest, lack of challenge, the lack of shiggy. Amish, Just Travis(Justin) and Just Bobby led alternately, with WHO close behind. Oozing hung back to spend some quality time with Cum Under. Tinker and Short Shorts walked casually and directly to the beer check. They came to Burnt Sawmill Rd and turned briefly southwest, then turned back west to some fresh logging trails. Amish now led, and came across the hare, toting a deflated raft through the woods. He helped. WHO didn’t. Obviously, the next stop was the river, and WHO bee-lined for the banks and came across the BC. The beer was easily found by the time the hare and Amish, and the newcomers arrived, soon followed by Oozing, Tinker and Short Shorts.

It was quite pleasant for a while. A cooling pool, some decent beer, and no unduly annoying hashers present. The hare inflated the raft. Amish helped. WHO didn’t. But then, Cum Under arrived. Well, OK, a bimbo is always welcome. After a few beers, the hare began ferrying people across the river. This got rid of Oozing, Tinker, Short Shorts and Cum Under. Things were looking up. Amish even found a leech. But then Basket arrived. Crap! Tales of bushwhacking prowess, virgin territories discovered, and manly exertion promptly followed, and were duly ignored. WIPOS arrived. Dry Foot arrived. Fuwangi arrived. This was too much! But at least they were finally out of beer. Eagle trail. Ha! They decided to move on. WHO led Just Justin(Travis), Just Bobby and the rest for a swim, upstream 25 yards and then across to the flour marks on the far bank.

The trail back to the lot was straightforward and dull: well-marked and shiggy-free, they meandered north back to the parking lot and the circle. After a brief wait, they circled up. Ratings for the run: nonvirgin territory, missed river-crossing opportunities, insufficient beer at check, contrived boating event which may well have saved Tinker’s hips from rusting, and Oozing from drowning, and no heat stroke deaths had to be balanced by a mere stream swim, a single, poor, confused leech, and the absence of Bondo. Total -0.69. Hashit went to Oozing for not being drowned. The virgin was queried, and probably sang something. But it was so unmemorable that your scribe cannot recall it even now, just two months later. Must have really sucked! They finished up and moved on to Rosie’s (formerly Mark’s). No doubt they behaved badly.

 

On On