The Dynamic Duo “Play in the Mud”

Run #1065, August 28, 2006

Co-Hare 1:  Eenie Weenie Dick

Co-Hare 2:  Justin My Ass

Location:  Smithfield, RI

Weather:  70s and wet

Present:  Oozing, WIPOS, Great at Giving Head, Dry Foot Fairy, Bondo Jovi, Amish Ithead, Basket Boom Boom, Async, Dr. WHO, Fawangi, Ox Tail Soup.

The Run:

As if we haven’t had enough hashes in Smithfield, Eenie Weenie Dick and Justin My Ass figured they’d try one more and set trail from the high school off of Providence Pike. The weekend had been pretty wet and although there was talk about clearing skies, a downpour erupted just prior to the tick of 6:30. Would that stop any normal person from r*nning in the woods? Sure. Would that stop a hasher? Of course not, because a hasher is not a normal person. Or a normal animal. Well, except the aardvark. Maybe a hasher would make a good aardvark. Lucky for us the heavy stuff ended prior to the run and the sky was pretty tame as everyone proceeded north on Providence Pike towards the intersection at Greenville Rd.

Intersection. Hmmm. That’s normally where something like a check is left, right (or maybe right, left?)? I guess the newbies forgot that as a lack of marks made progress hard to make, but eventually it was decided that heading into the field northwest was the best choice. A short trail plopped everyone into the woods where a small pond/bog was encountered. Just as with the traditional northern Chinese Vikings (WHO apparently come from 200 or so miles northwest of Beijing), they couldn’t go ‘round it, couldn’t go under it, so they had to go through it. So most did. Ox Tail Soup went hip deep in mud, Dr. WHO went hip deep in mud, Amish, Dry Foot, WIPOS and Bondo did NOT go hip deep in mud as they managed to outsmart the group and go around on dry land. This isn’t as hard as it might sound as the rest of the group’s combined IQ is somewhere in the mid 40 range. Eenie Weenie looked disappointed, especially after he lost his shoe in the muck. Justin My Ass looked……..well, I don’t know how but it was neither happy or sad. What Eenie Weenie and Justin looked like though, were a pair of Ghostbusters in their matching beige jumpsuits. You use that working at Michael’s to put together flower arrangements Eenie Weenie!?

Just on the other side of the pond/bog a trail was found and a large “BBC” was written in flour which apparently did not stand for the British Broadcast Corporation, but instead Beer Bong Check. What is this, a frat? Luckily none brought their paddles, and Basket did not bring his, um, Basket, so punishment was passed down only by chugging beers. But really, is this punishment? Punishment was in store for Bondo, Dry Foot and WIPOS though and they missed the beer by blasting right past the group. How that happened, WHO knows.

Once a few rounds of beers were chugged it was decided that it was time to move on, and co-hares led us northward through the woods. Trail ended up curving back around east, and then south right into someone’s backyard. Private property, bravo newbies. A quick skirt around the edge of the yard and a run through the firehouse on Woonsocket Hill Rd had us crossing back over Providence Pike into a nice area of pine trees and soft ground. No more shoes were lost though, but forward motion was slow. Things finally opened up into flatter, less shrub packed land and Basket led the way with Amish not far behind. Actually, all the trees and mud kept everyone close together so there were plenty of upset people as a “B” was encountered, minus the beer. Apparently the beer was only to be sampled if you had either 1) dry feet 2) 478 layers of clothes on or 3) you were fat, lazy and owned an annoying dog. And said annoying dog ended up bounding though the underbrush giving away the fact that his owner was nearby and after a quick truck up the hill everyone joined the three amigos for some IPA. I don’t think a song was sung. Pathetic. Actually, the only interesting thing that occurred at beer check #2 was that Bondo almost killed his dog by pulling down a dead tree on top of him. A yelp was let out noting that unfortunately, he was still alive. Can’t you do anything right Bondo?

With a lack of songs, a lack of Seamus, a lack of bimbos and shortly after, a lack of beer it was decided that we should head out. I mean, the on-on-on was planned to be at Partente’s, home of hot waitresses with tight pants and sometimes no panties. Mmmm, no panties. I digress. With fall coming upon us light was becoming scarce, and to ensure that he wouldn’t be lost in the woods Bondo had left minutes before. No one noticed. No one cared. The rest of the group headed back down the hills and eventually found some marks that brought them right around to………..where they started from, at the bottom of the hill. Some of the group went in search for the actual trail, some decided to following co-hare #1 out the easy way to the street. A quick jog down Providence Pike had us back at the cars, but without access to beer! Co-hare #2 had the keys. Curses.

After everyone showed up the circle was held at the baseball field behind some trees. Eenie Weenie brought out some skunked beer he received from Cumunder only a few weeks before. Unfortunately we weren’t able to coax out of him what he had to give in exchange. Some have their ideas, and unless informed otherwise will continue to think that certain “friendly” services must have been provided. Go Eenie Weenie! Kudos given in attempts to find virgin territory, boos for Bondo making it to the second beer check, hurrahs for him missing the beer bong check. Once again we were an all man hash. Once again it didn’t surprise anyone why. Eenie Weenie tried ratting out Justin for not helping on the trail. Why do that? Blame him for the whole mess ya wank! Not much in return from Justin, I’m assuming he was trying to keep their relationship civil. +6.9!! Hashit went to Bondo for rating the run so high and for shortcutting on trail.

A quick drive up to Parente’s had everyone excited for what show they’d see tonight, and once again no one was disappointed. Popcorn was consumed in quantities unknown possible. More than one black and tan was ruined, and more than one beige-panted, no-pantied butt was stared out. With the utmost in respect, of course. Not bad for some virgin hares, only the future will tell if they can be perform the same when separated…….

On On

Amish It Head