The Invisible “Marks” Hash

Run #1087, January 29, 2007

Hare:  Justin My Ass

Location:  Providence, RI

Weather:  20s, clear

Present:  Amish Ithead, Oozing, Basket, Bondo, Dr. WHO, Seamus, Ben.

The Run:

Where does one begin? The Robbie Burns hash is usually one to be celebrated. One to be remembered, one to be used for comparison to the previous year’s run, and one to be used as a basis for judgment for the following year’s run. This one was neither. Or none. Or the opposite of all, depending on your English grammar skills.

Starting at the parking lot at 50 Holden St in Providence we knew right off the bat it’d be a pavement-filled run and not at all comparable to the hash of 2006 put on by WIPOS in Glocester. But giving the hare the benefit of the doubt a few unlucky wanks showed up, kilts adorn, for what they hoped would be another fun-filled Monday night. Justin My Ass stated that marks were made in chalk, blue chalk, which the he apparently found on sale. The sale must not have been a good one though, as marks were to be almost non-existent and extremely spread apart. But I’m getting ahead of myself; let’s go back to the start.

Out of the lot the trail went left, up Holden, according to the hare. A faint “mark” was noticed but no more until the intersection of Holden and Smith St was encountered. Here a “check” was found, again according to the hare, and everyone proceeded right towards the capital and downtown Providence. After crossing over 95, the hare took the lead because the “marks” he put down apparently disappeared at night. Amish, WHO and Oozing followed along, but Oozing must have sensed the debacle that was to occur ahead and went right on Gaspee St towards the mall to, what I can only assume, stare at the hot high school chicks in the food court. Smart, smart Oozing – you won’t hear that phrase too often!!

The hare continued to lead Amish and WHO down Smith St confused at where his “marks” had gone, and finally one was noticed at the intersection at Canal St. Bondo and Basket had shown up late, and although their horns could be heard in the distance they were never seen, I can only hope they’d joined Oozing. A quick jaunt through Roger Williams National Memorial Park had us encounter the only “shiggy” on trail, and once on the other side the confused hare was unable to determine which side street his trail truly followed. Pathetic! Amish and WHO, once again, never saw any of his magic “marks.” After deciding that uphill was the only way to go, the group proceeded and eventually made a right onto Congdon St. This was followed a bit until a right was made and yadda yadda yadda, no “marks” were found. A side trip through RISD, a side trip through Brown and the hare finally decided that going to the beer check was the best thing to do. Downhill to Benefit and to the Wild Colonial it was.

And what a crappy beer check. With only WHO and Amish present the hare thought he’d get away cheap. Especially since he hadn’t warned anyone to bring IDs and Amish was denied at the bar. Crap! After their single beers were downed hats went on and towards the door they went when Oozing’s face pressed against the window. Both he and Bondo made it, somehow, but that only prolonged Amish’s suffering as he watched the others drink beers while he had an empty hand. After round #2 had been consumed everyone departed, heading right on South Main St and while Bondo smartly headed straight to his shaggin’ wagon, WHO, Amish and Oozing followed the hare and his “marks” into the city.

The hare had in his mind a direction his trail was to follow, but the others could care less and continued up towards, and eventually into the mall. A few confused gestures were thrown in the kilted members directions, the best was when a group of thugs called out a “yo, we be diggin’ yo clothes.” How can you not look fly with a kilt? Respect the Irish pimp hand, bitch!

A trip up the escalator and a walk through the Gap had us in the parking lot which we followed to ground level and out, heading back up towards the capital, Smith St and finally the parking lot on Holden St where Basket was waiting. A quick circle was held in the back lot, but broken up fairly fast when an old rent-a-cop came by to tell us we were on private property. After telling him we were almost done he took off, only to come back 5min later. Thinking we were taking a group piss, he said do it back behind the fence and eventually left us to ourselves for the completion.

Despite the mass quantity of pavement, the mass lack of “marks,” and Amish’s lack of beer the positives of no Basket at the beer check, no Bondo on just about all of the trail and some friendly comments at the mall had the group in good spirits. +0.69 – wow. It was hard to pass out the hashit due to everyone being spread out on trail – how could you point out crimes when you couldn’t see anyone else? Noticing that Bondo had headed to his van before the circle was over, he was a good enough candidate, and everyone agreed.

Everyone convened at Tommy’s Place around the corner for the on-on-on. A good little Irish pub, although unfamiliar with Robbie Burns. Warm haggis was enjoyed, Guinnesses were downed and even Tommy came by for a little song. All in all, a much better way to end the night than the run started the night. WHOever has next year’s Robbie Burns hash has it made – can’t get worse than this!

On On

Amish It Head