The “RIH3 on Ice” Hash

Run #1090, February 19, 2007

Hare:  WIPOS

Location:  West Greenwich, RI

Weather:  10s, clear

Present:  Amish, Basket, Oozing, Dr. WHO, Seamus, Bondo, Ben, Eenie Weenie Dick, Justin My Ass, Dry Foot.

 

The Run:

This run was a different sort of run, a run with a bit of culture perhaps. I’m sure that we’ve all (ok – most) have had some sort of female companionship in the past and that we all (again, maybe most) have had to put up with some cultural crap to make the other half happy. Because in the end we all (well, in this case none) know that if they’re happy we’re happy. You know the cultural crap I’m talking about – ballets, chick flicks, museums, fancy restaurants that require pants, and quite possibly those funky ice skating shows. “Walt Disney on Ice” type stuff. Which reminds me of a funny SNL skit from years ago; they had a commercial for “Walt Disney on Ice” and just had a coffin sliding around in a skating rink. Get it, Walt’s dead! Hahaha, ok, maybe you had to see it. Anyway, this hash would end up like one of those cultural events with all but two RIH3 members sliding around in the frozen woods often ending up on their ass, which is far less graceful than anything Brian Boitano would do.

Hare’s directions had everyone meet up at the Big River Inn off Rt 3 in West Greenwich. It was a cold night, in the teens again after a cold front had pushed through but there was a lack of wind which made the temps seem much better than the number suggested. As people showed up they piled into Bondo’s van, for what reason I’m not sure - it certainly couldn’t have been because of the appealing smell. As 6:30 rolled around the group hopped out, and first mark (or mahhhhhk as the hare would say) lead southeast on Congdon Hill Rd. This mahhhhhk would be the only we’d see for some time, I’d guess along the lines of 12miles as we pounded pavement downhill. Finally, a check was encountered and Basket led the way northeast aided by his seeing eye dog Seamus. One mahhhhk, two mahhhhks, eh good enough. This had Amish, Justin My Ass, Eenie Weenie and most of the gang following in Basket’s footsteps which we all know is the wrong way to go. Fortunately, WHO had some sort of wits (“w”its guys, keep it clean) and proceeded southwest. This was sooooooo much better (“so” emphasized to imply sarcasm).

This is where the trail got good. And by good, I mean shitty. One, two, fifteen mahhhhhks passed as we proceeded to walk through the woods, mainly because the snow/slush from last week had frozen solid and provided a nice base for some slipping and sliding (this is not to be confused with the “slippery slidy” that WHO makes reference to on a regular basis). The hare managed to find a few hunter’s trails to follow, and this provided a basis for Eenie Weenie to perform not one, but two salchow jumps*. Although impressive, these would only net him a 6.2/10 on scoring. What was really weird about this section was Bondo’s ability to forge ahead at the front of the pack. This is most likely due to the fact that everyone was walking, and walking is a skill that Bondo excels at. You know, like riding his bike.

After a bunch of mahhhhks, some additional slips and slides and a few icy tree banches to the face we came to check #2, lonely check #2. WHO blazed the way left, followed foolishly by Amish , Justin My Ass and Dryfoot. Not sure if anyone had gone right. And Basket? Still in the rear after lagging back near Condgdon Hill Rd. After heading up trail a good bit and Eenie Weenie performing a lovely Walley jump** (this time improving his score to a 7.6/10) all noticed the hare was not with them and returned to the check to find the rest had continued the other way.

It was at this point the hash became a walk in the woods. Literally. With no paths left to follow, the hare went where no man had gone before, or least no sane man. The trail continued in a southward direction with mahhhhhks often enough to allow the RIH3 to no get lost. There were a few stone wall crossings. There were a few large rock crossings. There were a few fallen tree crossing. There were a few small brush bushwacking sessions. You get the picture. We finally ended up on a “real” trail, where the third and final check was located. Basket went right, Amish went straight uphill and someone else went left. After hearing Basket call on-on Amish came back downhill (sliding part of the way) to find out that he was full of shit. Again. WHO lead toward the left with Eenie Weenie, Justin My Ass and Amish not far behind. Dry Foot was in there somewhere in addition to Bondo and Oozing. This nice “real” trail was smooth and level, perfect for creation of an ice skating rink. Upon hearing Eenie Weenie perform a flip jump***, Amish turned around just long enough to loose his balance and perform a delayed axel****. Although not in synch or planned to be performed as a pair, I’m sure both jumps combined would be good for a 9+/10 score. Awesome!

After flailing around in the woods for some time, Dry Foot managed to pull some smarts out of his ass and returned back toward the direction we had come from at the check, finding a side trail leading back towards Congdon Hill Rd. WHO managed to take a fall at the check, in addition to Basket, so everyone was feeling pretty ready for this hash to be over.

Once on Congdon Hill Rd, an arrow left had them heading back towards the car and past a large field filled with cows. Their large, beady eyes glowing in the dark made them appear just as tasty as they look in the light. Get in my belly!!

After rounding a bend the hare ducked into the woods and the beer check was found. Worn down from lots of pavement, warm beer (with the weather in the teens, how does he do it!?) and chocolate truffles for snacks makes for a short beer check. I do believe there was no singing.

Another left onto Congdon Hill Rd had us eventually circled up at the cars to the side of the Big River Inn. Basket thought the trail was brilliant. WHO and Amish agreed on the “alternative” nature to a bunch of dudes walking in the woods. I think Oozing yapped about soccer, somehow. Mathematical total: + 0.69! Amazing! Hashit was with Basket and ended up staying with Basket as he managed to confess he’d taken over Dry Foot’s hare duty for next week. Such a pushover that Basket is.

Poor Jen at the Big River Inn had to put up with our crap for yet another Monday night, and unsurprisingly passed on being set up with Oozing. All in all, a pretty decent night, despite all that ice skating cultural crap.

 

*The salchow jump (pronounced "sal-kow"), named for its originator Ulrich Salchow, is an edge jump. It takes off from a back inside edge and lands on the back outside edge of the opposite foot. Salchows are most often preceded by a forward outside 3 turn, but a mohawk entrance is not unusual.

**Walley jump, a full-rotation edge jump with a counter-rotated entry from a back inside edge to the back outside edge of the same foot.

***The flip jump is a toe jump that takes off from a back inside edge and lands on the back outside edge of the opposite foot. A flip is usually preceded by a forward outside 3 turn or forward inside mohawk.

****Delayed Axel, an Axel jump in which the skater delays the rotation in the air.

 

On On

Amish It Head