The “There Is No Harmony in New Hampshire or Rhode Island” Hash

Run #1091, 1091A, February 24, 2007

Hare:  Basket, Oozing, Trail Hoover

Location:  Rumney, NH and Harmony, RI

Weather:  Cold as a witches T*t and blowing like a cheap XXX flick.

Present:  The Rumney Hash saw a number old timers and a few newbies join us this year: Cum Titty returned with Just Spike and her pup from Seacoast, BH3 had Ski Bobbit, Dribbles, Cums Alone, Hare Club, Holy Ozone, Beaten by a Girl, Friar, the Fat One, Sweet Molasses, Creamwhora, and 4 legged friends Zena, Mutton Chops, and Mr. Rogers, while RIH3 saw the Hares joined by Amish, Dog Meat, Bondo, Just Big Shit, Eenie Weenie, Dr. WHO, WIPOS, Fuwangii, Taste Like Chicken, Ben the Dog, and Shameless.

The Run:

To tell the story of this unusual event, we’ll need to start on Friday night, where Basket, Oozing, and Trail were joined by Amish , Fat One, Sweet Molasses, Dog Meat, Fuwangii, Taste Like Chicken, Holy Ozone and others that kept warm by the fire, singing and drinking Trinity IPA and Single Malt Scotch to the wee morning hour. One by one they stole away until quite fell on the Rumney Hash House, save some thumping going on in the Fuwangii room. I’m sure he was just trying to get off his frozen boots, but oh what dreams Basket had. He tried to jump Dog Meat, but she’d have nothing to do with it.

The hares struggled to gather their wits about them the next morning, as they started out to set trail. Realizing they got up later than planned, they would not be able to pre-lay the entire trail. It was decided to set trail to the beer stop and the return loop. The remaining trail would have to be set live from the start to the top of the mountain at 3 Pond Shelter. The Hares made it back to the Hash House minutes after the scheduled noon start, but as late cumers were still arriving and the hot chocolate for the Shelter Stop need to be prepared, all enjoyed some ‘Hare of the Dog’ and loosened up for what promised to be a (dare I say it?) athletic event.

Bondo was DFL with his home brew and chili in hand, just as all were loading the vehicles to carpool to the start a few miles away. He was smiling now, but how long would that last? Instructions were given, and then Basket, Hoovah, and Oozing started out marking trail. The pack sang a few warm-up ditties and gave the Hares a respectable 6.9 minute head start. The trail to the shelter and spiked hot chocolate was all but straight uphill, 400+v and about 3 miles. Tracks lay mostly on snowmobile cut paths, with the depth of the snow off route being mid thigh and heavy.

Carrying beer, hot chocolate, fire supplies and flour against a head wind going while uphill was enough to give old Basket some heavy breathing, and not just because he was following close behind Hoovah in tights. The thought someone might overtake us became reality as Oozing was snagged by the FRB’s, as he was asked to lay a falsie off in unbroken tracks and struggled in the 3ft snow. Hoovah and Basket continued to the top where Hoovah laid a circle jerk about the ponds for the overachievers, and Basket started the ‘fire’ and brought out the schnapps - hot chocolate in the shelter.

Dr WHO, lead a small pack of BH3er’s to the hut just moments after the hares, with all complaining about the bellowing head wind, no real beer, and the now-dead raging fire. Hot Chocolate was enjoyed straight or otherwise until the remaining hashers arrived. Surprisingly, all made it to the top, and with the high percentage of skiers vs. snowshoe’rs, the ride downhill would be fast and interesting, especially for the first time skiers.

Enie Weenie was sailing along spectacularly until maxim velocity surpassed mental process speed, just as some snowmobiles were starting up a steep grade. They slowed upon seeing him, having already tossed Oozing, Fuwangii and WHO off their skis and into the woods moments before, but the sudden aberration still unnerved him off trail and into the snow bank, head first. The skiers continued weaving their way downhill, around snowmobile, walkers and fallen hashers until beer was found at the intersection with the Carr Mountain Trail.

The pack consumed 5 gallons of IPA to their credit and did so before the ranger found his way toward us. He did stop a few hasher to look after the Fat One, who seemed to be a bit on the pale side. I guess his weight loss program is a tad behind schedule. The trail continued downhill, but on a lesser traveled path, that caused many to struggle in the deep snow. Amish found that even a small uphill grade on skis can be frustrating and painful. Basket ducked as he whizzed his ski pole off in the distance saying something about Aaaaaaahrhhhrrrr F@cking Skis! This would be the first indication that the Moon was in an unusual position with Jupiter and Mars, or maybe alcohol and snow don’t always mix so well.

All, except WIPOS, made it back to the cars, so in typical Hash Spirit, we drove back to FO’s for beer and warmth and left him to his own design. Bondo did go back to get him, which almost landed him the Hashit. When they returned, the circle and serious beer drinking commenced.

Two blocks of ice were supplied for the hares. Basket and Oozing sat cheek to cheek on one, and Hoovah took the other. I know what your thinking, but I had my butt on one when Oozing jumped in before Hoovah had her chance. Complaints and comments were very slowly passed around the circle, as butt cheeks slowly melted into the ice. Others WHO enjoyed the ice were hosts: TFO and Cumtitty, who was a stand-in for Sweet M, along with Amish – Hashit, some First Timers, and a few others now lost to memory Down-downs were enjoyed by many and songs sung.. Then it was time to eat and sauna.

Food, as always, was great and wolfishly devoured, and then a small contingent made their way to the sauna. Regulars Ski Bobbit, Fat One, Basket, and Mr Rogers, were joined by returnees Fuwangii and Cumtitty along with virgins TLC, Eenie Weenie , Dr WHO and others. Disappointingly most of the females had their whatever’s hidden, while the men were bumping heads, so to speak. It was pretty pathetic, as usual, but it didn’t stop the singing and IPA. It wasn’t long before the need for cool fresh air helped most to decide it was time for a dip in the freshly cut hole in the ice. One by one they crept along the ice and dipped. A few slipped and fell and some never to made it in. WHO crashed first and would be taking home some new bruises he’d have to explain to Mrs about. Cumtity found Mr Rogers naked and on his back in the middle of the frozen river, and helped him to his senses by slapping him silly with her…….comments. Where are you? What’s your name? You get the idea. Eventually he got his butt unstuck and went inside. Decidedly, the beer was making the ice more slippery then normally.

We had just thought to go back upstairs, when Trail Hoovah said it was time to sauna, so WHO, Basket, Fuwangii, Ski Bobbit, Eenie Weenie, Amish and Taste Like Chicken went back. With Trail and TLC, this time in the altogether, it made the scenery much more pleasant, and a much better balance of breasts to wieners. Although TLC thought otherwise about jumping in freezing water, Trail had no reservations and with abandon inhibition she went under. Needing help to pull herself out, Basket offered her his hand and got an eyeful. WHO could have used some help too, but it was more than we could stand to see this big naked guy pulling his butt out of the hole and promply sitting down and getting ass and peripherals stuck to the frozen ice. Many more splash-downs were enjoyed before retiring to the pharty upstairs. The sauna was left to WIPOS in full WIPOS attire… for about 3 hours.

Upstairs the fun was happin’, as someone plugged an Ipod into sound system and everyone was dancing. This was the most booty we had dancing in Rumney, ever, mostly because it was the most women staying overnight, ever. Cumtity, Beat by a Girl, Dog Meat, Sweet Molasses and others were shaken it up, but it was ‘bout time to pump it up a notch. People were consuming beer by the buckets and it really started to look like a good ole hash. Basket found himself on a chair dancing naked with hoot calls coming from a male non-hashing artist neighbor. CT was showing how to do Naked Aircraft Carrier Landings.

As some retired and the music mellowed, we finished the night with a game of charades. The best had to be Cumtity getting naked jumping on the floor trying to get the word ‘stripping’. Second best was ‘two polar bears wrestling in the snow’; you had to be there. All the losers had to run naked around the house in the snow holding there toes and saying, “Ooomi Goomlies!” It was time for some of us to hit the sack, but not before WIPOS came upstairs after his 3 hours sauna, and said he was driving home sometime after midnight. What goes on in the sauna; stays in the sauna!

Next morning we were awoke by the smell of bacon, coffee and eggs, and surveyed the damage. The keg was dead, two barrels were filled with beer bottles, an empty Single Malt bottle, and a good chunk of Bondo Brew was gone. After all enjoyed ‘Breakfast By Cums Alone’, we made the Hash House presentable. Then one by one we packed our stuff and made our way home. Bondo decided not to say over, but had gone up to Waterville Valley for some private time with JBS. As he wasn’t around at cleanup, Boston decided to help Bondo, by taking his home brew and equipment to their hash. This made for some exciting comments from Bondo about WHO authorized WHOM to ‘STEAL’ his beer. ‘Don’t mess with Bondo’s Beer!’

Basket contacted him to let him know that he didn’t have to travel from Waterville Valley to Rumney as none of his ‘stuff’ was there and all he could hear was Bondo speak, you know the F word in multiples and how he was holding him personally responsible if it wouldn’t be returned the following day at the RIH3.

Unfortunately it didn’t show and the Bondo Show was on at Sticks.

Run #1091A, February 26, 2007

Hare:  Basket

Location: Sticks Tavern, Harmony, RI

Weather: Cold with 3 inches of fresh snow

Present:  Oozing, Bondo, Justin and Async.
Conspicuously missing were: WHO, Amish, Eenie Weenie, WIPOS and Fuwangii as they were licking their wounds from NH.

The Run:

Basket had been speaking to Just Stephanie about joining us for her virgin Hash. Her boyfriend Play Thru has been hashing on Okinawa and told her what a great time he’s had, so she wanted to join us. He was hoping she would do her first ‘un’, and I was hoping to take pictures to send to him before he deploys to Iraq the following week. Unfortunately someone gave her bad d’erections (WHO was that?) and she didn’t show until 7:30. After a few beers in Sticks Tavern, while waiting for the Hash to return, she got bored and drove home to UCON where she works, with promises to join us after the basketball season. We’ll see!

The parking lot behind Sticks Tavern on Rte 44 was cold and covered in snow as Async, Justin Myass and Bondo arrived. Bondo was already pissing and moaning about his missing stuff, taken to the Boston Hash the day before, and blaming everyone in earshot. Hmmmmm, maybe Just Stephanie was there and decided these guys didn’t deserve to see her ‘un’. After ignoring a number of attempts to accept blame for the missing crap, Basket started out setting trail live in the fresh snow using blue flour. He was reminded by Justin that blue is not the best color, but then Basket is color blind and wouldn’t see any color anyway. The trail was also marked in toilet paper and footprints, however, so he was pretty sure even Bondo in a blind tirade could have followed it.

Oozing arrived just after Basket left, driving over the bar’s snow covered leach field, doing wheelies in the snow, which brought the owner out complaining. Quickly, the pack started out behind the bar, west through a nursery and circling back crossing Rte 44 into the Glocester Forest and Phillips Farm Reserve. Trail meandered through a field, then woods, over hill and dale, and arriving on the Melody Hill Golf Course, where beer would be found. Async led Justin and Oozing, who said Bondo was in rare form the entire trail. Evidently Oozing set off a maelstrom by telling Bondo that Basket authorized the BH3 to take his stuff.

When Bondo arrived he was yelling so loud that a herd of deer that just ran through the field were heading into the next county. Beer eventually led to almost silent contemplation as the Fuc*s became less obtrusive. If we used the Bondo scale this one was off the charts.

Eventually we finished the beer and made our way back to the start. Down downs were given to the hare, and to backsliding Async. Hashit went to Basket for stealing Bondo’s stuff and not bringing the promised virgin. Then we settled down to Chester’s on the Right Side of Rte 44 for food and quiet metaphysical discussion as Bondo went home.

Just another successful Hash Weekend.

On On

Basket Boom Boom