The Bondo Debacle Hash

Run #1093, March 12, 2007

Hare:  Bondo Jovi

Location:  Lincoln, RI

Weather:  40s, clear

Present:  Amish, Oozing, Dr. WHO, Basket, Dry Foot, Eenie Weenie Dick, Justin My Ass, Seamus.

The Run:

As the first hash of daylights savings, we all had hope of good things to come. But, since this is the hash the only thing to be expected is the unexpected. Or something. WHO, Dry Foot and Amish arrived early at The Lodge in Lincoln to see Bondo heading out the rear (weird, he usually heads up the rear, but I digress) of the parking lot with Ben and flour in hand. Actually, flour in hand and Ben on leash, but you get the idea. Our initial comments were – “wow, Bondo not setting a hash from his house, how bizarre.” We would later wish he’d take his normal lazy route and rounded case de Bondo instead. As EWD, Justin My Ass and Oozing showed up, some secondary comments came up related to a series of text messages sent from Oozing’s phone in regards to his love of the male anatomy and his desire to have his orifices violated. Not that this surprised us. And just like that the hash was off, heading into the woods behind the Lodge.

A first check was found at the entrance of the woods, with Basket and Seamus heading to the right/north with Dry Foot while the rest went left/west. Soon enough after, horn blasts from the north had the pack bushwhacking to the other trail and an eventual circle jerk back to Breakneck Rd had us at a check. Obviously, the correct route was into Lincoln Woods. With the previous weekend’s high temps and rain all snow and frozen ground had thawed leaving a slippery mess. And leaving Bondo’s previously set marks vague and sometimes washed out.

Trail continued southeast, along the sides of the pond and down into the lowlands. Basket continued out front while Oozing and EWD rounded up the rear. The rear – which apparently is Oozing’s orifice of choice. Heading to the right and then right again uphill (almost matching mark for mark Cumunder’s virgin hare in this same park, and yes – I am serious) before coming to a split in the trail without marks. This was soon to be a common scenario on this trail, but apparently to Basket this should not have been a problem. Of course, Basket never follows marks anyway so WHO listens to him. Actually, WHO doesn’t. Or something.

Downhill to the parks areas had us come upon a single mark and no more, but we pushed on assuming Bondo had taken the easy, and previously traveled, route. To the ball park and then right on-road was the way for WHO, Amish, Oozing, Dry Foot, EWD and Justin My Ass. Once again Basket was long gone. After the pack had spread far and wide (far and wide – a necessary position for the action Oozing requested in one of his text messages) WHO finally found a mark uphill and far from where we were standing.

A continuation through the woods had us finally come out onto Table Rock Rd, although no marks had been seen after the initial one spotted by WHO, a check was found at the base of a tree. Searching in the woods without luck, the pack traveled right up Table Rock Rd. By this time the daylight was as nonexistent as the marks, so all decided to follow the same trail as Cumunder’s previous run hoping we’d happen upon something. Negative. With a right off Table Rock Rd back into the woods the group traveled round and round, listening for horns, looking for marks, until it was decided that the best thing to do was head back to the Lodge for a beer. Heading northwest towards the car, the group made an incorrect turn west, and back down to Table Rock Rd. Realizing that the longer we wondered around the woods the longer we’d have to wait to drink beer, down Table Rock Rd we went, under he covered bridge onto Manchester Print Rd and finally a left onto Great Rd/123. By this time EWD and Oozing had managed to get themselves separated by themselves (by accident, I think not!) and Basket and Bondo were off by themselves (again, accident, I think not!) which left WHO, Dry Foot and Justin My Ass to trudge up the miles of pavement of 123 towards the Lodge. Nearly there (at Butterfly Way), EWD and Oozing were spotted in the woods. Shortly after, Basket could be heard furiously blowing his horn trying to entice the group back into the woods. Furiously blowing, somewhat like the action Oozing likes to perform on the male member he loves?

With no more desire to walk in the unmarked woods and with a desire to drink some beers all but Oozing continued to the Lodge where a quick circle was held and inside to the popcorn and beer they went. Eventually both Basket and Oozing came in to let us know that the “official” circle had been formed, but considering the table held mostly full beers the rest decided that their brief version held before would be sufficient.

Once inside, Basket informed all of his displeasure and disappointment. No one paid attention. The others informed Oozing of his nomination for hashit due to his lovely phone messages. He didn’t pay attention. As we bickered the waitresses stood around the corner. Not paying attention.

After some beers, popcorn and sandwiches all left to ponder by themselves the debacle that was this night’s hash.

On On

Amish It Head