The “Getting Bimbos Wet” Hash
Run #1100, April 30, 2007
Hare: Basket
Location: Smithfield, RI
Weather: 60s, sunny.
Present: Dr. WHO, Oozing, Amish Ithead, Eenie Weenie Dick, Justin My Ass, TLC, Fuwangi, Bondo Jovi, WIPOS, Async, Seamus, Ben.
The Run:
This hash was doomed from the start. The hare was AWOL and making up silly reasons why he couldn’t accomplish his duty:
“Dryf00t said: I realize some of you don’t understand what it means to have this uncontrollable urge to follow the scent of a woman, especially Bondo, but since I have made the commitment to be here in New York for her, and unable to assume the responsibilities of Hare on Monday….”
The standard hare fill-in for the RIH3 (this is about all he’s capable of filling in), Basket Boom Boom attempted to impress the pack:
“Okay, I accept the challenge. We will start from Parente’s Restaurant on Rte 7 near Bryant on Monday 4/30 at 6:30pm.”
And that leads us to Parente’s off Rt 7 in Smithfield – you know, home to waitresses in tight pants, skirts and no panties which was one of the few good-sounding aspects of this run. And what else sounded (and looked) good? TLC, the Newport harriette, WHOs attended more RIH3 hashes than those in Newport. Too bad she’s dating Fuwangi. One thing that did not look good was Ben’s ear. After having cosmetic surgery (Bondo loves Ben soooooooooo much he got him a nose job and ear lift) Ben’s ear was taped to the back of his head, inside of the ear out, exposing the open sutured hematoma wound to the world. The damn dog looked like a mummy with a vagina on the back of his head. You might think that sounds really cool, but it’s not.
At 6:30 the pack followed the first mark leading northeast over Rt 7 with Oozing somehow leading the way. I’d like to make a note that it was at this point TLC was told “those sure are fancy pants for a hash.” We’ll see why this is notable later on. Once over Rt 7 the fist check was encountered and EWD , Justin My Ass and others went straight into the woods and popped up next to a small reservoir pond. Another check was encountered and Fuwangi and Amish went counter-clockwise with WHO in tow, Oozing, TLC and others heading clockwise. On the southeast side of the pond another check was encountered and quickly passed with trail leading right on Essex St and through the field. Fuwangi and Amish leaped in the sun and light wind in a Sound of Music type way. Not that there is anything wrong with that. WHO was close behind in addition to the others.
Another check came up when trail intersected with a road under construction, Amish went straight into the woods, everyone else went left and after a few marks uphill came to a dead end which lead to a trail. WHO, TLC, JIMA and EWD passed through a fence to the left and uphill prior to coming up empty on marks. Amish had gone right but turned back after being called on falsely by the other group and then doublebacked again after Fuwangi called him on the correct way. At this point WIPOS had caught up and Bondo and Ben where nowhere to be found. Same thing with Async, WHO knows where he was.
After a bit both groups merged back together and a check was encountered in the shadows of a watertower, with Amish going left (west) and once again just about everyone else sticking straight to trail which ended up being the right way to go. A trip up the powerlines for a bit then jog to the west had us rounding the back of a technology park where lots of construction was going on. Trail expanded into a broad path leading to a cornfield where the hare had told us the beer check was near.
Once across the field WHO, Amish, EWD , and everyone but the hare, Bondo and Oozing saw Async, enjoying a frosty beverage in the treeline. Realizing only a 12 pack was there all went to work polishing things off prior to the others arriving. A few songs were sung but mainly the group kept quiet and once out of beer trail was southeast out of the cornfield. For the brave. Other, less manly men decided to take Branch Pike. I think that was everyone but WHO, TLC, Amish and Fuwangi. Boo on the others! This was the best part of the trail. Shoe-deep swamp slowly turned into ankle-deep swamp slowly turned into knee-deep swamp. TLC finally realized why she shouldn’t wear such fancy pants to an RIH3 get together. Quickly getting upset, Amish was there to console her in every which way he could. And console her he did! 5 minutes later they escaped from the swamp and ended up on Douglas Pike where a quick jog south had us in the parking lot.
Ratings on the run were low with people complaining that the long-lost city Dryf00t had requested Basket to find had not been found. The fact that the scheduled hare couldn’t even break away from his newfound life in NY for an evening to hang out with his ‘ol buddies. To TLC bitching and complaining about the swamp. Pathetic. On the plus side we did have good beer and we were going to end up at Parente’s where we were bound to stare at something in tight clothing (girls Oozing , girls!). Total: -6.9. Hashit went to Oozing for some reason, I bet is was good.
Parente’s ended up being just as good as we hoped it could be with our favorite waitress wearing a short, short, tight, tight khaki skirt. Two young male waiters found our singing entertaining and even tipped us. And I guess the food was pretty good. So, all in all a decent ending to a decent night.
On On
Amish It Head