The “monday monDAY MONDAY” Hash

Run #1101, May 7, 2007

Hare:  WIPOS

Location:  Cocumcussoc State Park, Wickford, RI

Weather:  60s, sunny

Present:  Basket, Dr. WHO, Oozing, Just John, Amish Ithead.

 

The Run:

I can summarize this hash easily - left, briar, briar, water, left, briar, left, briar, check, briar, water, water, briar, left, briar. That’s it.

What came to mind after the run was how similar this was to a NASCAR race, lots of lefts and the hash traveling in a pack. The big difference was that unlike a NASCAR race there was no beer, no bimbos, no fast cars and most importantly no beer. Oh, and there were briars. NASCAR doesn’t have briars. I’m going to assign NASCAR driver names to each hasher for this writeup based on appearance and personality:

BasketMark Martin. I don’t know, he looks pretty old. Sorry I couldn’t be more creative Basket.
Dr. WHORicky Rudd. Again, lack of creativity, but NASCAR and good ‘ol southern boy names like “Ricky” go together like some Southern Comfort and your sister. I could picture WHO as a “Ricky.”
OozingDick Trickle. Although retired, every NASCAR event needs a little Dick. Just like Oozing.
Just JohnJeff Gordon. You know, pretty boy that you can almost picture batting for the other team.
AmishDale Jr. Son of one of the greatest drivers of all time (peace be with you Sr, racin’ in heaven with the angels, praise the Lord)
WIPOSPace Car. We’ll leave it at that, although the pace car always knows where to go, unlike WIPOS.

The race started on monday, monDAY, MONDAY at the east entrance of Cocumcussoc State Park of Post Rd. Parked at the picnic area, Dick Trickle performed a gentlemanly act, opening his rear for the others and offered up some beer. Complaints arose because it was only warm Sam Adams but it ends up those would be the best beers the pack would have over the next 2hrs.

With marks pointing west, the pace car set out into the park at 6:30 with Mark Martin, Ricky, Jeff and Dale in close pursuit. Gordon blasted off to the front of the pack showing off those rainbow warrior colors. A little briars here, a lot of briars there and eventually the pack ended up on a nice trail. Ricky then took the lead with the others drafting close behind. At a stone wall/check Mark Martin continued straight while Dale Jr. and Jeff headed off to the right. Just to prevent questioning about this partnering action, Jr. is straight as an arrow – his Wrangler jean commercials prove that. Leading the pack like his father (may he rest in peace), Jr. crossed the first stream of the day. Mark Martin continued far off into the distance, Ricky followed close behind Jr. and Jeff and Dick were positioned in the rear.

Eventually the pack went farther west and recrossed the stream back to the south side into the briars. A left (away from the wall – like where Dale Sr. should have gone to prevent that horrible accident that caused even Jesus to cry) had Ricky up front and the rest of the pack following close behind. Left, left, left, briar, briar, briar. Eventually a check was encountered and Ricky, Mark , Jeff and Jr. continued straight. Dick must have been running on 7 cylinders because he was far behind, pretty much hanging with the pace car. After traveling around the banked corner and onto the rear stretch the pack realized there were no more marks. Coming back to the check the pace car directed them left, inwards, towards the water, briars and away from everything holy (like the checkered flag). After traveling through that crap for a good bit it was realized that this, too, wasn’t the way to go and everyone turned around and made there way back to the check. Realizing straight was a bust, left was a bust and a u-turn brought us to pit lane (aka the cars – which would have been the BEST route to take) everyone realized that right was the way to go. Remember, rights in NASCAR are baaaaad. The wall is there, and the wall is no good. Just like this trail.

This took us into the woods and eventually back onto the trail we would have hit if we continued far enough straight and a loop-de-loop around some houses had us back into the swamp. And briars. And no fun. WHO knows where we were going? But WHO didn’t, neither did Mark , Jeff, Dick or Jr. Or the pace car. What we did know was that this trail contained enough briars for 2yrs of Rhode Island hashing. Enough to rip half of Seamus’ hair out of his lower body. Poor, poor Seamus.

After what seamed like 300 laps and 20 pit stops the pack finally ended up behind some houses on Juniper Dr. A quick left onto that road with Mark Martin and Jr. leading the pack had us turn left onto Post Rd and back to the cars. Ricky, Gordon and the pace car arrived at about the same time with Dick Trickle, as usual, rounding up the rear. The pace car was sent out to retrieve the beer stop beer and eventually Dick showed up. Booo.

With the pace car cruising back with the beer and the pack hanging around the cars with wounds weeping blood we circled in the dark – a full 2+ hrs after the start of this pathetic race. Basket stated this was the worst run his entire hash career, John stated that if this was his first hash it’d be his last, others stated that there was no trail – therefore no hash, and that this should be an example of how NOT to set trail. Rating was –6.9 and the hashit ended up going to Oozing for being so charitable with his warm Sam Adams prior to the run and for passing out at midnight at his own Cinco de Mayo party. Pathetic!

After tending to their wounds the pack headed off the Gillians, home of the famous basket I Pee A. Upon arrival WHO found how his daughter had been bucked (“b”ucked guys) from a horse and had to go home to tend to her injury. WIPOS was given a high-chair for his dining pleasure and Oozing decided that the fish Rueben was the way to go. WTF? After a night like this there wasn’t enough IPA in the keg to make the mental and physical pain go away. Shame on you WIPOS, shame on you!

 

On On

Amish It Head