The Lincoln Mud Bath Hash

Run #1120, September 17, 2007

Hare:  Basket Boom Boom

Location:  Lincoln Woods/ Chase Farm

Weather:  Clear, 60’s

Present:  Dr WHO, Concrete Feet, Fuwangi Boner, Bondo Jovi, Ben. Visitors/Transplants(?): Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing (Every Day is Wednesday H3, D.C.). Virgin: Just Miranda.

The Run:

The run started off in a parking lot (marked: “Parking for Maintenance Workers Only”, clearly the right place.) WHO was first there, soon joined by Just Miranda (a virgin), Concrete Feet (a backslider), Donkey Punch, and Pubic Housing (visitors). The hare was absent. Now this is the way a hash should start! Two women, and no Basket. But it couldn’t last. Along came Fuwangi and Bondo. Oh well. Then, along came 6:30. Bondo found trail on the bridge heading south on Manchester Printworks Road.

After some brief confusion, WHO and Fuwangi found marks on the far side of the banks of the pond. WHO led on the far side, the rest tried the near side but eventually crossed over. The hare’s foot prints could be followed. But it turned out that the conditions had changed since the flour had been placed (the day before). Stepping into the hare’s track was no guarantee that you would not end up thigh deep, in the viscous clay/mud. Ah, it was heaven! Especially when Bondo took one look from the bridge, said: “F**k this!”, and headed off into Lincoln woods. Especially, when Bondo took Ben with him! And even more especially when Fuwangi went into the mud up to where his testicles would have been had they not fled already into his abdomen. He called WHO for help. Ha!

On the other side, they rest crossed in a shallow area, drawn on by WHO’s laughter and Fuwangi’s whining. Too bad for them! The trail crossed back and entered the woods. The by now freed Fuwangi joined Concrete Feet (you’d think with a name like that, he’d have been neck deep in the mud by now, but I digress!) and they made their way up to a path and out. WHO, Donkey and Just Miranda were almost across when Pubic Housing went in the muck right up to the housings of her pubics. A seemingly reluctant (?) Donkey and WHO helped her out, and they emerged just in time to meet the hare on the path. It was all downhill from this point! Even the uphill parts!

Trail crossed Rt 123 and entered a small open park, where Fuwangi and Concrete could be seen trying to master a check. The pack rejoined, and turned west and then north into the woods. The trail led on paths uphill, and through a few sideyards and backyards on what apparently was some sort of Lincoln Greenway right-of-way. There were few challenges and no more shiggy as they headed gradually west out of the woods and into some fields. They skirted along the edges of the fields. They began to follow a cross-country path marked with white paint in the grass. They continued northwest, through a tree nursery and came out to a more overgrown field where the flour was lost. The hare arrived. The hare looked around nonchalantly. The hare pretended he personally wasn’t lost. The hare is a poor actor. Finally, Concrete decided to ignore the hare. He headed downhill, came across some marks, and eventually led the pack west to Great Road.

The pack began to thin out as they jogged at varying speeds southeast on Great Road. But Concrete Feet and Just Miranda, perhaps rejuvenated by the mud treatments, sped ahead. It was getting dark at this point, so the flashlights came out. Concrete and Just Miranda didn’t have flashlights. So although they made it on trail back across 123 and into Lincoln woods, they were not seen or heard from again. Another virgin down the drain! The rest of the pack followed into Lincoln woods. Marks were found and lost several times, until Fuwangi found the hare and the BC at one of the roofless stone cabins. The beer was at last opened. The rhubarb (such as it was with such a small pack) rose to its natural size.

On In trail was debated. Was it worth trying the woods, or would it be simpler to just take the damn road? But with visitors present, Fuwangi and WHO were shamed into running in the woods. Marks were found. They were followed for about 200 yds. Marks were lost again. So they just bushwhacked to the ball-fields, and straight east out to Manchester Printworks Rd, and the cars. Bondo, Concrete and the virgin were waiting. They decided to circle up in the woods behind The Lodge, so they convoyed up 123, parked in the usual spots and walked back towards to pond.

The circle was joined and the run rated. Fine mud, female:male ratio 2:6, loss of Bondo, and quality beer outweighed the missing virgin at the BC, the recycled trail and the false promises of Civil War re-enactments by the hare. Total: +6.9! The visitors were queried and freely admitted that they lived across the street from Oozing! At least they had managed to keep him from showing up! The virgin was questioned, and told a joke. Why do they never want to show a body part? Why, Why, Why??! After religion, they moved on into The Lodge, where the food was adequate, the beer was cold, and only a few pieces of popcorn ended up in Basket’s beer. And if we ever see these visitors and this virgin again, it’ll be their own damn fault!

On On