First Fall Moon Hash

Run #1121, September 24, 2007

Hare:  WIPOS

Location:  East Providence/Seekonk

Weather:  Clear, 60’s

Present:  Concrete Feet, Dr WHO, Just Miranda, Basket Boom Boom, Async, Oozing SD, Just Anna, Fuwangi Boner, Bondo Jovi, Ben. Visitors: European Whore (?), Hung Like This – Pittsburgh H3. Virgins: Just Amy, Just Sarah.

The Run:

Perhaps it’s a good thing that JIMA, EWD, Mouthful and Amish have been MIA for a while, because, for the second week in a row, the once all-gay RI Men’s hash was graced with feminine participation in our stupidities. And, not one or two bimbos made it, but FIVE! And two had returned after running with us in the past! One came two weeks in a row! Before long, we may actually get a crowd. (Hint to hare and others that try to get away with only 10-12 beers at the BC: stop being so cheap! And don’t even think about beers with a fruit or vegetable theme!)

At any rate, amazed by the attendance, the by-now-worried-about-not-having-enough-beer-at-the-beer-check hare started the pack off five minutes late. This was still in plenty of time to avoid the always lost Bondo and the always late Fuwangi. After unintelligible instructions from the hare, they left the ball fields near Ferris Ave in EP, and turned south from the beginning of the bike path. Trail was led by Dr WHO and Concrete. The path rapidly turned to a bushwhack through briars, and probably some poison ivy. This hare want’s to ensure that no new boots ever return. (Of course, the sure way to kill off any interest in hashing would be to have beer made from some sort of gourd or squash or something, at the BC.) Trail led south on the shore of the Turner reservoir, through a few back yards and on into more briars.

The front pack rapidly was bogged down by the underbrush on the true trail, while the hare led the two virgins, and the whiners (Basket, you know who you are!) on an easier path parallel. By the time Async, WHO, Just Miranda, and Concrete made it out to Newman Ave, the rest of the pack was already across continuing on the Turner Reservoir Loop Path. (Except, of course for Bondo, who upon arriving late promptly turned north, packing his own beer, and met with some other aging fairies in Slater Park. But that story is best left unspoken.) (But at least his beer wouldn’t turn your skin orange if you drank too much.) The light was now dimming to the point where it was still too bright for flashlights to be effective, but dark enough to allow Dr WHO to amuse Just Miranda with some spectacular trips and falls.

The pack came out onto Pleasant Street and a check. True trail turned left, and crossed into Seekonk. The lead pack was caught as they dealt with another check sending them right on Zitter St, then through a backyard into the woods. Trail led to the Ten Mile River and, inevitably, across below the dam. The water level was low, and getting wet was only optional. (Much like drinking beer flavored with orange vegetables is an option in life. One that few would voluntarily choose! But I digress.) Once across, Basket led on with Async further south west away from Hunt’s Mill to a nearly dried up branch of the River. This was crossed with varying degrees of mud immersion. Oozing found true trail along a fence and this was followed to the banks of the river and a “B”.

While awaiting the hare (who was escorting the virgins and trying to undo some of the damage the earlier part of his trail had done), they searched for the beer without success. Finally he arrived and they opened the meager supply of Pumpkin Ales. Pumpkin Ales? What was he thinking? Or was he thinking at all? (One can always guess what might be on sale at Yankee Spirits when WIPOS is hare!) The beer was opened, and some songs begun. Fuwangi arrived. Spirits sank. But Bondo was still in Slater Park. With Ben. Concrete Feet was missing. Things were not all bad.

After making due, they turned to the On-In trail, smelling like a group of muddy, sweaty Jack-o-lantern’s. Trail went north, the underbrush grew dense and the group got fed up. WHO and Fuwangi turned east and found the partly paved road that led back to Pleasant. With Just Miranda (who was waiting to see if Dr WHO would oblige her with another dramatic fall, or at least run into a tree or something), they back-tracked along the reservoir loop. Basket , Async, Hung and European opted for the roads, and the two groups met near the corner of Newman and Ferris. The hare followed his own trail to his hidden van, and gave Oozing, Just Anna, Just Amy and Just Sarah a ride back. (But they had to pay, as the hare’s van smelled like a pie-eating contest on Thanksgiving Day outside Walmart.)

The group circled behind the ballfields on the bikepath. Ratings for the run: Considerable pavement, lack of a well-marked On-In trail, autohashing and incomprehensible beer selections weighed heavily against the acceptable shiggy, the five young ladies, the full moon, the five young ladies, the blood loss, the five young ladies and the river crossing. And Bondo Jovi’s more than generous 10 F rating. And the bimbos. Total: +0.069. The visitors were questioned, the backslider was punished, and the virgins were initiated. Everyone got off on the bus, Just Sarah became an instant hit by claiming her favorite sexual position was “anywhere you can stick it!”, and the square-root of 69 was contemplated. Hashit was given to Basket, for nothing more specific than “it just felt right!” Religion closed the circle.

The two virgins of course promised to return, depending upon the flight schedules at T. F. Green. But they couldn’t make it for dinner. Bondo, of course, headed back to Slater Park. Async had had his fill for the month, so he was off. They rest reconvened at the Red Bridge Tavern. (They serve some seasonal beer in bottles at Red Bridge, but there was NO sign of ANY PUMPKIN ALE there!) With only a few fries making it into the beer, and a quick song or two, the evening was over on an unusually quiet note. Last week, it was predicted that none of the newcomers would show up again. Your scribe was wrong. But next week? Bondo’s hash!! All I can say to the newcomers is: read the trash for any Bondo “run” before you trek up to Woonsocket, and be warned!

On On