Hash of the Year!
Run #1124, October 15, 2007
Hare: The Slasher Dr W.H.O.
Location: Abram’s Rock, Swansea, MA
Weather: Low 50’s, Clear
Present: Concrete Feet, WIPOS, Just Rebecca, Basket Boom Boom, Just Miranda, Oozing SD, Async. Virgins: Just Therese (sp?), Just Zeke.
Scribe: Concrete Feet
The Run:
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Dr WHO set the Hash of the Year this week! Basket is too old and lame to do this write-up, and he missed all the good parts anyways. So I’ll just have to come out of retirement and act as scribe. Don’t expect this again anytime soon. But as I said, this was the Hash of the Year! Don’t believe me, if you like. But I’ll prove it.
First: another run with three bimbos and two virgins. This was the fifth week in a row for virgins, so maybe the hare can’t take all the credit Could be some kind of weird subliminal advertising. Maybe that “On-On” foot I noticed at that great new coffee shop in Wayland Square, “The Edge”, is affecting peoples’ subconscious. WHO knows!
Second: the start was designed to attract as little official attention as possible. Rather than going straight into the woods, and risking calls to the police from frightened librarians, the hare set trail out onto Main Road from the Swansea Library parking lot, turning right past the fire station and turning right again in the Middle School parking lot,, and into the woods.
Third: this was the only pavement seen on the run. I mean it! Hash of the Year!
Fourth: Trail now entered the woods and almost immediately crossed a stream over a very deceptive log that led to almost certain immersion in some viscous mud. This was followed by the first of many false trails leading up a large “pudding rock”. Ooo, did Oozing whine about this one!
Fifth: not only did Oozing whine, but Basket proceeded to get lost! I’m telling you: Hash of the Year!
Sixth: trail led north to a very confusing set of checks with at least one circle-jerk, and sufficient confusion to allow the group to pretty much come together as we entered a field. Now Async was able to catch up at this point, so you might subtract some points. But I feel this just proves what a good job the hare did. If Async (a reasonable hasher) can find trail, and Basket (a wank!) cannot, it seems that this almost defines the ideal trail.
Seventh: trail took a short bushwhack down and into a swamp. At least two people, as well as the hare, temporarily lost their shoes. And this was not some long drawn-out WIPOS kind of swamp. Just a brief trip through the mud to a series of trails over palettes laid out to cross the worst of it. I unfortunately tried to short-cut at this point. I avoided some mud, but had more than my fill of briars. Hash of the Year!
Eighth: trail curved east through a scented pine grove and came out to some powerlines! What would a RIH3 trail be without powerlines?! (Certainly NOT the Hash of the Year!) And the powerlines again intersected with a main trunkline, causing the group again to get more than slightly confused, and sending WIPOS off on his own. I was off trail too, but followed the sounds of the lead group as they re-entered the woods and continued southeast parallel to the powerlines.
Ninth: the complaints about too long trail began now. Take note of this, prospective hares. If you get to a beercheck before you get these tell-tale whinges, your trail is too short. In particular, Just Rebecca was vocal about the excessive length, and she was starting to get physical with the hare, when Basket showed up. I’ll admit it. No trail is perfect. Not even the Hash of the Year!
Tenth: the beer check was found, atop Abram’s rock, the largest of the “pudding rock” formations in the area. A scenic stop, the trail three-quarters done, fine beer choices in sufficient quantities, savory peanuts, a lost hasher, and some classic songs. Hash of the Year! Perfection! Well, it would have been if the lost hasher had been Basket, instead of WIPOS. But at least Bondo wasn’t there!
Eleventh: the trail out was scenic, with just enough checks to be interesting, but not so long as to be a waste of time. The reality of course, is that the hare didn’t want to hike a long way when he’d brought his beer out. But he was still able to put enough distance to this segment that we all arrived at the cemetery north of the library parking lot with a bit of a thirst. He held us there out of sight of the parking lot, while he went and got some fresh beer for the circle.
Twelfth: the circle was controlled, but not overlong. The run was rated for most of the qualities I’ve mentioned above. Total: +6.9! The hare went out with a classic (“The Ring-a-rang-a-roo”) avoiding some of his more annoying efforts (“Poisoning Pigeons”, etc.) The virgins were questioned, and somehow Just Zeke knew to start the “Dough, the stuff that buys my beer...” song. Hashit went back to me, because I wanted it. I mean, it’s pretty cool, and all. Especially it’s contents.
Finally: the On-On-On was at Jillian’s Sports Pub in Somerset. Not too far, easy to find and inexpensive. The food was fine, the beer adequate and not too many food missiles were launched. The Red Sox lost, but the hare can’t handle everything!
So as you see, if you too want to set the Hash of the Year, take my advice and follow the guidelines above. WHO could have done it better?
On On
Concrete Feet