Hallow-EenieWeenie Hash

Run #1126, October 29, 2007

Hare:  Eenie Weenie Dick

Co-Hare:  Justin My Ass

Location:  Providence, the CAPITAL CITY

Weather:  Low 50’s, Clear

Present:  Dr WHO, Concrete Feet, Basket Boom Boom, Amish It Head, Just Rebecca, Just Zeke, Microhard, Fuwangi Boner, Scatwoman.

The Run:

OK. So the d’erections were not specific. In fact, they SUCKED! And no mention was made of a costume requirement. But you’d think, it being the Halloween Hash, people might have guessed. Then again, THEY’RE ALL HASHERS! No virgins this week, breaking the six week streak. The start was the same as last year’s Halloween Hash; from a parking lot opposite the Foundry near the mall.

The costumes? Well, everyone except Just Rebecca and Concrete Feet made an effort (although Microhard’s effort consisted of carrying around a “Scream” mask with a blood pump. Pretty feeble, unless you actually wear the thing during the run. BUT I DIGRESS!). WHO went with a plaid skirt, a button down white shirt and a pink pig-tailed wig, claiming to be Britney, but constantly mistaken for a “Wendy’s” spokesperson. Basket opted for a diaper and a Harpo Marx wig. Not sure what exactly that was supposed to be, but at least it was PRETTY EMBARRASSING! That’s the point, isn’t it? And when speaking of embarrassment, late arrival Fuwangi is always sure to be a front runner. He wore the too-tight Superman PJs that he tried to push for the Dragonboats. Amish put together a shorts/suspenders/knee-socks thing with a feathered green plastic fedora trying for the Irish-German-lederhosen motif. Just Zeke, even, came up with a Dixie-cup-and-jumper sailor outfit. The co-hare? Indiana Jones. The hare? Dick-in-a-box. THEY SUCK! LAME! But then again, so was the entire hash.

They were off promptly at six thirty. Trail was in faint chalk, and more than once during the run, they would need help from the hare or co-hare to find the ALMOST INVISIBLE MARKS. They went down Holden to a check, and without hesitating, turned left to run under the mall. They entered Waterplace. They came out the tunnel near the Capitol Grille. They crossed into Kennedy plaza. Sound familiar? Sound a bit like run #1074? Well, it wasn’t ‘a bit’ like, IT WAS IDENTICAL! They entered Downcity pretty much in a group, pursued by catcalls and propositions. They crisscrossed between Washington and Westminster, and at every corner you could see either the hare or co-hare giving hints. This was pathetic. The trail clearly SUCKED AS MUCH AS THE D’ERECTIONS! IT SUCKED EVEN MORE THAN LAST YEARS TRAIL EVEN THOUGH THE TWO TRAILS WERE EXACTLY THE SAME! IT SUCKED EVEN MORE THAN LOOPY (the girl I adore)! BUT I DIGRESS AGAIN. (Too bad for Scatwoman who had showed up late. By the time she made it to Kennedy plaza, dressed as a candy bar (she claimed it was a ‘Three Musketeers’; we prefer ‘Mounds’.), she eventually gave up in disgust, turned back to the cars, left a note for Concrete, and let some air out of the hare’s tires.)

WHO and Amish were leading. So they were first to get lost. As Amish had been hare last year, HE JUST KNEW that the trail would cross to the east side. WHO agreed, so they made their way to the Point St bridge in a vain search for marks. By the time they turned back, the pack had crossed on the Crawford St bridge and were trying to find marks on Benefit St. The DFL’s finally crossed at the appropriate spot, and promptly GOT LOST AGAIN in the WWI Memorial. Basket and Microhard, mainly by staying with the hare, managed to find their way to Wickenden and led Just Zeke to the BC at the Wickenden Pub. (FRB’s SUCK!)

Concrete, Fuwangi and Just Rebecca were determined to find actual marks, the lack of which has never deterred Basket. So when WHO and Amish finally caught up, only Fuwangi could be convinced to skip the marks and just head for the pub, where SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, there had been a BC the year before! So off went Concrete and Just Rebecca. Where? WHO knows! But what happens at the hash, stays in the hash. And thus it was back to normal: an all-male beer check in a bar which very nearly threw the bunch out. WHO WOULD BLAME THEM? After being told for the fourth time (THAT SUCKED!) that the group could not go out into the street and blow a bugle to attract the one female member of the hash away from Concrete, they packed up and left.

There was a difficult choice to be made. Go straight back to the cars? Or follow the hare’s trail back? They finally decided to humor the hare, knowing that at least this would mean a trip down Thayer Street. In the absence of Concrete and Scatwoman at least, everyone was in costume. So they followed trail over to College Hill and ran the Thayer Street gauntlet. Of course, being that close to RISD, NO ONE REALLY NOTICED. COLLEGE STUDENTS SUCK! Trail led up Bowen and down past Prospect Park on the 25 yd dirt path that was the ONLY RESPITE FROM THE ENDLESS ASPHALT for the entire run!

At this point, trail was abandoned by most, and they ran across Roger Williams Memorial Park, up Smith Street and back down Holden to the cars, where a breathless Concrete and Just Rebecca awaited. Once all were present they circled up in the back corner of the parking lot, HOPING TO GET ARRESTED! Ratings for the run: a complete rehash, pavement, loss of bimbo, and pathetic marks were only slightly counterbalanced by the absence of Bondo. Total -6.9! Hashit went obviously to Concrete Feet for abducting and monopolizing the only femininity (apart from WHO) on the hash. HE SUCKS!

Finishing the circle without misdemeanor charges, they moved over to Patrick’s Pub on Smith St. The kitchen was closed. THAT SUCKED! But they were allowed to order pizza, and after a seemingly ENDLESS WAIT, they were fed, and had some beer, and went off on their separate ways, each wondering how the evening could have gone so wrong. And yet they all still keep showing up, week after week. MORONS!

On On