East Side Hawaiian Hash

Run #1129, Nov 19, 2007

Hare:  Oozing Syphilitic Dicktaphone

Location:  Eastside Marketplace, Providence.

Weather:  40’s, Clear.

Present:  Concrete Feet, Dr WHO, Amish It Head, Just Zeke, WIPOS, Basket Boom Boom, ScatWoman, Dry Foot Fairy, Just Haynes, Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing.

 

The Run:

It’s always worth a celebration when Oozing leaves town. So even though an East Side start guaranteed miles of unforgiving pavement, a reasonable number showed for this exercise in self-abuse. Oozing had declared a Hawaiian theme in honor of his trip, so the leis came out of storage with the usual collection of pre-teen jokes about getting lei’ed (har har!) But WHO left their grass skirts at home?

Now amazingly enough, the East Side has been hashed before, once or twice. Incredible as it seems. In fact, the real choice is whether to bother following trail at all, or simply to loop around the Wickenden Pub to The Wild Colonial to Larch Street in an attempt to get to the BC without ever even looking for a mark. The problem with this approach is that getting there before the hare, you generally have to buy your own. But then, you are inside, seated and warm with a cold beer in your hands. Money? It’s always wise to pack a twenty or so on a city hash. (WIPOS may tell his wife it’s cab-fare for emergencies, but it will still buy a beer or four.) Meanwhile, those who actually followed the trail are getting shin splints and chilblains in a vain attempt at finding almost invisible chalk marks on the sidewalks.

But the RIH3 is not know for logical thinking. So they were off, following trail, promptly at 6:30. And where did trail go? Why, behind the supermarket and down to the riverbank! What a surprise! The group made their way along the riverbank scum and came out to the RR bridge. And the trail went out on the bridge, an unmistakable dead end. Basket led out on the bridge to the inevitable false mark. What was he thinking? Half the pack followed. What were THEY thinking? (A question not really worth bringing up, as the answer would be too depressing, and might ultimately result in the end of the RIH3.). Too bad Bondo wasn’t there to try and kill his dog again. Back they went, now led by Dr WHO to the playing fields. WHO and the leaders ignored the fact that there were no marks and turned right across the fields. Basket followed the flour for once and ran parallel to the river. But by the time he turned back toward town, the trail had been found by Just Haynes, turning south on Gano.

Trail now led south to the new 195 construction near India point. The group briefly was together. This was no good. So they dispersed and ultimately picked up marks near the Radisson Hotel and turned north under 195. Half of the group found trail on Wickenden. The other half paralleled on the alleys that led to George M. Cohan Blvd. which is obviously the better route: more scenic, quieter, and even having some light shiggy. But the hare’s an exhibitionist and stuck with the bright city lights of Wickenden. Not without regrets, the lead pack passed the Wickenden Pub following the faint trail.

Next choice was of course, the Wild Colonial. So the group turned right and tried Benefit. No marks going down! No marks going up. In fact, no marks were really seen at all. During the ENTIRE RUN. But I digress. There was some confusion outside the Portuguese Club. But no “BC” was marked. Finally, a check on John Street led most downhill (left) until they gave up, and came back up the hill. Trail had turned right and the group was led into a courtyard by the cohare(!) Scatwoman. They entered the basement of the carriage house of the Nicholas Brown Estate and found the Beer Check.

The beer check was in a nicely heated basement lined with movie posters from a film noir exhibit, and posters depicting the evolution of the SDS and the student movements during the 1960’s. There were baked goods from the cohare, and the beer was good (especially the Sam Smith confiscated from the hare’s car). Basket and WIPOS were missing. Doesn’t get much better than that! But unfortunately, despite the almost invisible marks, despite advanced age, and color and night-blindness, somehow, Basket managed to find the carriage house and join the group. This rapidly broke up the BC.

On back to the cars was pretty much an individual choice, with the hare leading one group and Basket leading another. The result: Basket’s group ended up taking the longest route possible, and arriving with the circle already joined above the parking lot for the Supermarket (Again, it cannot be emphasized enough: NEVER FOLLOW BASKET!). The run was rated: no shiggy, no virgin territory, no marks, and endless pavement could only be partly balanced by the presence of two bimbos and the fact that the hare was leaving town, and could possibly be destroyed in a plane crash. Total: -6.9. Hashit went to Concrete Feet, because WIPOS managed to deflect attention off himself. The circle concluded, they headed to the Ivy Tavern on Hope St. and had an exorbitant meal in a crowded corner of the tiny bar. Another great night for the RIH3!

 

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