Rabbie Burns 2008 Hash
Run #1139, Jan 28 2008
Hare: Oozing Syphilitic Dicktaphone
Location: : Ivy Tavern, East Side of Providence
Weather: Clear, 1” new snow, High 20’s .
Present:: Tinker, Short Shorts, Dr WHO, Amish It Head, Fuwangi Boner, Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing, Scatwoman, Let’s F*cken Eat, Mr Rogers, Just Anna. Late: Basket Boom Boom, Really Late!: WIPOS. Visitor: Bunnie (Some Down Under H3).
The Run:
For the
traditional Burn’s event, many wore kilts (WHO, Amish, Fuwangi, Basket, and the hare). But many didn’t (for Donkey, Pubic, Scatwoman and LFE, possibly
ignorance could be an excuse. But Tinker and WIPOS ? For shame!). The run was on the East Side,
hared by Oozing. As such, it was pathetic, and pavement-filled. At least there
were both Scotch and beer stops. But then, again…
Starting from the Ivy Tavern, the
trail left all Hope behind (ha, ha!) and went down 3rd St to Lorimer. Without much challenge, trail
was followed down towards the river and Blackstone Blvd. The only impetus to run
was to get going before Basket showed up, as he’d been running late, and was
reportedly on his way. Trail briefly touched on the Boulevard, and as expected,
jumped the wall into Swan Point Cemetery. Many had not bothered with flashlights
(they know WHO they were!), and ended up stumbling along behind LFE and Amish as they led through the cemetery. They ran
past the Lippitt family vaults and down to an overgrown path along the river.
There was actually some shiggy. Some actually managed to slip on the steep,
leave-covered slopes. There were some branch-to-the-face events. But these good
times were not to last.
Trail led
back up to the north end of the cemetery. It was pretty obvious that it would
lead to the north entrance by Alfred Stone Road. And in fact, this is where the
Whiskey Check was found. The group gathered and passed around the bottle. Just
as the songs were about to get going, they saw lights. The Police! Running and
hiding have not served us well in the past. But discretion is not without
merits. Most moved out of the cemetery property (only a few yards away), and
declined to run further. And then, they spotted a second light! The two lights
converged! What was going on!!
I’ll leave
the details to your imagination. Suffice it to say, the Cemetery Security Patrol
had caught up with Basket Boom Boom, in kilt and tam.
For reasons only known to God and Basket’s
conscience, they let him go and he joined the group. I’m not making any
accusations, but there ARE a lot of gay men roaming the East Side at night. And
Basket wears nothing ‘neath his kilt. That’s all I’m
saying!
With his arrival, the joy of
course left the run. Most tried to flee on Alfred Stone. But the hare pleaded
that they follow trail. WHO and Basket gave in and continued in the woods back west
to Blackstone, leading the group through the last little bit of contrived
shiggy. Trail crossed Lippitt Park
(leading to some interesting sightings of men in kilts on see-saws). Hope Street
was followed south to about 4th, and they turned west heading for
Summit and Camp Street. Somewhere just at the edge of the worst neighborhood on
the East Side, they finally found the Beer Check, at Just
Anna’s brother’s house. They had a beer check,
had a few songs, and then, the crowning injustice, the hare declared it time to
circle up. Pathetic!
There was an appreciative
audience of small children, supervised by Just Anna
(looking much like a small child herself in her cuddly little PJs). This may
have contributed to the brevity and cavity of the circle. The run was rated.
Some consideration was given the hare for routing the run on streets as kilts
are meant to be seen. But the pavement, the lack of Basket’s arrest, the combination BC/Circle and the
contrived shiggy could only mean one thing: -0! Hashit? To Basket, of course,
for not getting arrested.
The circle was closed, and they returned up the hill to the Ivy Tavern. The group could not sit in one spot in this hole-in-the-wall, so they broke up into several tables, distributing the annoying smells and behavior evenly throughout the establishment. Basket brought out the haggis. All were served as much as they could want, and WIPOS showed up just in time to have his share. Surprisingly, most of the non-hashers in the place started asking for their checks. Another fine evening wasted.
On On