Northern River Tour Hash

Run #1166, August 4, 2008

Hare:  Basket Boom Boom

Location:  Uxbridge .

Weather:  High 70’s, Humid, Clear .

Present:  Dr WHO, Swamp Whine, Justin My Ass, Wee Balls, Amish It Head, Just Matt, WIPOS, Bondo Jovi, Oozing SD, Eenie Weenie Dick. Hounds: Ben, Heath, Rio. Almost: Just Patty (Boise H3)

 
The Run:

Virgin territory in Uxbridge! WHO said that Basket (the hare) was senile and incontinent and incapable of setting trail outside of Burrillville (the place to be in the 21st century)? The d’erections were somewhat confused but nevertheless, it was clear that the Rhode Island H3 was about to set off in unknown parts. In Massachusetts. The group somehow managed to ignore the d’erections and gathered in the parking lot of a medical office building just north of River Bend Park, in Uxbridge, MA. The hare arrived. He declared it a “live-hare” trail. He set off at 6:20. A woman approached in the parking lot and asked if the group was the hash. It turned out that Just Patty (Boise H3) saw the marks on her evening run. She could not be convinced to join the group, but promised to make an appearance soon. As soon as she got back from the airport, no doubt!

 

At 6:30, the group was off. They headed south through a short stand of bushes and trees into some fields that led to the River Bend Farm parking area and entrance. Led by Wee Balls and Just Matt, they crossed a bridge and turned immediately back north along the river. They came back to the parking lot. Gosh, that was fun. Some confusion led to the pack briefly scattering about, but soon, trail was found. They crossed the road and entered a field leading to a path parallel to the Blackstone River, heading north.

 

Eenie Weenie and JIMA were leading at this point. Trail was easily followed but in spite of this, WHO and Just Matt followed the first rule of hashing (where there are NO RULES!): When in doubt, go uphill (as long as you’re not following Basket)! They came upon marks (the On-Out trail) and followed them over Goat Hill and down to some fields and an old quarry. The rest stayed on trail close to the river. They found some checks that sent them west but ultimately, they came out in the quarries where they found the Beer Check.

 

Now, the hare wasn’t lost. Understandable, I think, if a bit improbable. But WIPOS was. And Bondo. And WHO and Just Matt were working backwards. So it was only the young bucks, the dogs, and Oozing that actually made it to the spot (unmarked) that the hare elected to actually declare the BC. It was on the slopes of a sand and gravel pit. There was nothing whatsoever to recommend it otherwise. WHO and Just Matt arrived and climbed up resignedly. A beer or two later, and WIPOS showed up. And then, beating all odds, Bondo! How could things get worse?

 

There was some singing. There was some beer-hiding. There was some slipping down the steep sides of the gravel pit. What else is new? Finally, the hare offered two choices: his pre-marked On-Back trail (endorsed by Just Matt and WHO as ridiculously boring). Or the hash could try the hare’s failed but innovative trail back across the river. Oozing hears the word river and runs. Amish has a dog that doesn’t particularly like the idea of hashing, especially when there is a river involved. Bondo, he’s a wanker. He always has beer in his truck, and wants the fastest way back. They left following WHO and Just Matt’s footprints backwards. The rest, led by EWD, and Wee Balls, tried trail east.

 

The hare indicated that the more interesting trail was east, towards the river. A few marks were found, and then nothing. But a flow monitor on the banks of the river was seen, and next to it, a pulley system with a rope crossing the river. Irresistible! Just Matt gave it a try. Into the water he went. WHO was next. Into the water he went. It was clear that the rope was not supporting anyone’s weight. Nevertheless, they all gave it a try. The far side of the river was thorny and uninviting. The river was refreshing and clean. So after a brief discussion about the merits of following marked trail, the protesting hare was overruled and the hash began a lazy float/wade downstream.

 

There were a few deep spots where the current carried the hash. These were very nice. Except for Swamp Whine who had to perch her panicky little dog Rio on her shoulders. For being the Blackstone, the water was remarkably clear and after about a third of a mile, it was with some regret that, just before entering Rice Pond, they climbed out and resumed running. The In trail was easily found and followed backwards to the cars.

 

They circled up in some bushes on the south side of the medical lot parking. It was getting dark, and the mosquitoes were getting thick. Ratings for the run were charitable. The first half was without merit, but the river-walk-wade-swim was acknowledged to be outstanding, particularly given the absence of Bondo and Oozing. And the cloud of mosquitoes was increasing the rating as well. Total: +0.69. Hashit was something of a dilemma. So many sins, and so little time. The deciding factor was Bondo’s talking bottle-opener. Hashit to Bondo! Finishing up, they convoyed to Hanna’s in Uxbridge, only to find it closed (obviously having heard that the hash might show up). So, off to Gators they went and concluded the evening with some baseball, some beer, and some volleyballing bimbos. Doesn’t get much better than that!

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