Where the Hell IS Ryan Park? Hash

Run #1180, Nov 10, 2008

Hare:  Scatwoman

Co-Hare: Amish It Head

Location:  Ryan Park. No, Ryan Park! North Kingston.

Weather:  40's, clear.

Present:   Dr WHO, Wee Balls, Basket Boom Boom, WIPOS, Bondo Jovi. D’erectionally Impaired: Oozing SD, Just MJ, Just Kathy, Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing, Pat My Fly, Wrung Guy, Just Nathaniel.

The Run:

Most hashers in Rhode Island know Ryan Park pretty well. And most recognize that there are several entrances to the park. Luckily, the hares’ d’erections couldn’t have been more clear without GPS coordinates. The hares were a bit disappointed in the turn out, as only five old timers showed up at the start. And that included Basket and Bondo! What an awful start! But 6:30 arrived, and they were off.

From the parking area (0.2 MILES DOWN OAKHILL ROAD FROM RT 4, Oozing, this means YOU!), trail turned west on Oakhill Rd. A check and the hare had WHO and Wee Balls turning south on the powerlines. Falsie! Cute! Basket and Bondo turned north, on true trail. The powerlines were followed briefly. A loop west into the woods, a re-crossing east to the fields of Ryan Park proper and creative re-markings by the hares had everyone pretty confused. Half the pack headed north towards Lafayette Rd. Half turned towards Belleville Pond. All were wrong. But when they returned, they found suspiciously fresh new marks directing them west. Even Bondo caught on, and they found true trail leading to a spot overlooking Rt4. It was the beer stop!

Running in the dark is hard. It gets scary out there. You might get lost, and be alone. Bondo might find you alone! So a brief trail to a beer stop is always welcome. The beer was opened, and enjoyed. A few songs were sung. But then…what could it mean? A light… no, two lights… no, three lights… no, EIGHT lights! The group dowsed their lights and tried to drink quickly. Too late! Oozing led Just MJ, Just Kathy, Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing, Pat my Fly, Just Nathaniel and Wrung Guy to the beer check. This group of rocket scientists had parked in the main lot (MORE THAN ONE MILE DOWN OAKHILL RD FROM RT 4, Oozing, this still means YOU!) and assumed that this was the start, despite the lack of hares, hashers, etc. Brilliant!

There was still enough beer left (we’re slipping) to give the latecummers 0.69 beers each. As they drank, the songs came out in earnest, along with considerable mockery directed towards Oozing. Finishing up, the hares were somewhat vague about trail back. Marks were found in the woods paralleling Rt 4 south. But after a while this grew dull. Most returned to the powerlines, just long enough to find a trail that took them back to the Ryan Park trails and the cars. Most, that is. But not Wrung Guy. He could get lost in a one-lane tunnel.

The circle was joined. The ratings were started (and briefly delayed when Wrung Guy finally made his reappearance, aided mostly by Basket’s horn). No pavement, idiots-that-can’t-follow-simple-d’erections on trail, multiple bimbos, and a short trail were positives. But, no one lost, Bondo and Basket at the beer check, and lack of shiggy took their toll. Total:-0.69. The visitors were brought in, and punished. It was pointed out that Pat My Fly had no RI name. So he was named. “Retard.” So right on so many levels! Hashit was given to Basket, of course, for indiscriminate use of bugle.

Finishing up, they swung low. The knuckleheaded ones were ferried back to their cars, and the whole group reconvened at the Oakhill Tavern, for yet another steak fry, more peanuts and popcorn in the beer, and more behavior which frankly is damned immature for a bunch with an average age almost 50. For cryin’ out loud!

On On