Mallrat Hash

Run #1181, Nov 17, 2008

Hare:  Wee Balls

Location:  Warwick Mall.

Weather:  Temp, conditions.

Present:   Dr WHO, Florence Wallbanger, Amish It Head, Scatwoman, Just Nathaniel, WIPOS, Basket Boom Boom.

The Run:
In an effort to be creative, and just before the first Sunday of Advent, the hare decided to set a Christmas Shopping hash starting in the Warwick Mall. He even provided Santa hats for all. I believe he had fallen asleep with his radio on, tuned to one of those all-Xmas-Music-since-October 1 stations, and it had damaged his brain. But WHO knows. It was a dark and cold night for the last Monday of autumn, and only a few were stupid enough to actually show.

The start was from the east side of the mall. It began southwards; with marks placed over the fence in some very dense shiggy. You’d have to be pretty dense to actually go into this shiggy. So Flobanger, WHO and Scatwoman qualified. The rest followed along, giggling outside the fence. A second turn over the fence was more convincing though. It led to a wider point of land and some garbage-strewn paths. This time, WHO wasn’t biting, and he continued up to an apartment complex. He found himself with WIPOS, re-emerging into the mall, this time heading northwest.

The marks were indiscernible, but the hare showed up and encouraged them. The pack caught up, after the trail was followed across Bald Hill Rd and back in the woods behind a restaurant. There were good opportunities for shiggy here, but no. While WHO and WIPOS were looking for a culvert or something good, the rest continued north. They came to a crossing of the Meshanticut Brook. Scatwoman and Amish were seen on the other side. The hare said that it was true trail. WHO said “I’ll do it, if the hare does.” The hare crossed the brook, chest-high. WHO is a liar! He went around with Basket and WIPOS.

Trail was quickly found on the west side of 295, turning south on a bike path. Flobanger blew through a check and found himself in a homeless tent city. Finding no good porno mags, he turned back. He found the rest at the beer check, underneath a well-lit billboard. He also found a fence. By walking into it. Finally, Basket has some competition for Hashit. The beer was shared, and a few short songs sung. But there is little inspiration to be had in a smelly, garbage-filled vacant lot under a too-bright billboard advertising airport parking or something. So they were on back.

There was no trail back to speak of, so they backtracked to West Natick, ran across Bald Hill to the mall. Scatwoman, Flobanger and Amish tried a shortcut through the mall, the rest beelined through the parking lot. The circle was held in the woods next to the river. Ratings for the run: pavement, pavement, pavement! But the hare being fooled into an unnecessary river crossing on his own trail? Priceless! Total: +0.69! Hashit of course went to Flobanger, mainly for not sustaining serious injury walking into the fence. Finishing up, they moved on to the Ball Sports Pub on Rt 5. And that’s where it ended.

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