Swamp SaletteHash

Run #1185, Month XX, 2008

Hare:  Fuwangi Boner

Location:  Bliss Dairies, Attleboro.

Weather:  Low 40’s, Clear .

Present:    Dr WHO, Basket Boom Boom, Async, Wee Balls, That’s a Mouthful, Florence Wallbanger, Oozing SD, Amish It Head, Numb Nuts, Retard.

 
The Run:
The hare had been unable to convince his better half and co-hare Swamp Whine to even show up for this one. He decided to set a trail worthy of her RI name. It was pretty obviously going to enter La Salette at some point, so the hare decided to live set a portion of the trail to foil the short-cutters plans at skipping the first half of trail. This was wise, and ultimately effective. It was a lovely evening. No bimbos were dumb enough to show. The Boston crew arrived early and had some ice cream in the dairy. That’s A Mouthful made a special appearance, possibly to announce his engagement. Oozing looked crushed.

Trail started off by crossing the road and circling the playing fields. Soon, all too soon, they entered the woods. Now to call this territory “woods” is more than a little misleading. There were trees, it’s true. But the words: bog, mire, swamp, tarn were closer to the truth. Pond would have been much more accurate, in fact. But led by Wee Balls and Flobanger, the trail was dutifully followed due south, about 200- 300 yds in from the road. Why, you may ask, didn’t they just take to the road. Async did. Was it misplaced loyalty to the concept of actually following trail? Or did they fear missing a beer check placed within a half-mile of the start? Or were they just plain stupid?

The trail weaved around a bit, with marks on trees, and water depths between ankles and mid thighs. Mouthful stated that the cold water from the tap at home in Puerto Rico was appreciably warmer than this. Numb Nuts (after briefly living up to his name) and Retard (who always seems to live up to his name) in the rear soon retired or got lost or something. Basket and Wee Balls alternated the lead. Flobanger and WHO were at the point of just heading to the street, but each time they started to turn that way, someone would find another mark. Async by now was on the street. Luckily, he was headed in the wrong direction.

Finally, after 30 minutes of prime swamp shiggy, WHO found the exit, across a small ravine and out to a driveway. Following this to the street, they turned north. The marks were pink chalk on telephone poles, thoughtfully created for the color-blind Basket. WHO found the turn into the main entrance to La Salette. The crowds were heavy, with all the lights ablaze for Christmas. Wee Balls, WHO and Flobanger were a big hit, in their Santa hats with headlights.

Trail circled counterclockwise, past the prayer stairs and the shrine, leading to the pond with the Stations of the Cross. A check sent WHO to the right (a traditionalist, starting with Station I) and Basket to the left (a spawn of Satan, starting out at XIV). WHO was right, and found trail diverging from the path, up a small hill to a large neon “Peace On Earth” sign, and in the distance, the figure of the hare beckoning. The hare was followed north, back into the woods behind the Maintenance Building, and alongside a small pond to the Beer Check.

The beer was opened, and the hashers gradually trickled in. Async even finally made it. And almost inexplicably, Retard. But it required several phone consultations to guide Numb Nuts to the spot, and by the time he arrived, the beer was pretty much gone. Brilliant! Trail back was unmarked, and the group simply made their various ways back to the road, and turned north to the Dairy.

They circled up in some woods behind the Dairy. The run was rated: longest time in a swamp with water temps below 40, good Xmas decorations, several frankly blasphemous and ex-communicatable actions, and no Bondo were notable positives. But, lack of virgin territory (except for the Holy Virgin Mother, of course, but that doesn’t really count for this situation.), lack of bimbos and lack of lost hashers balanced. Total: -0! Mouthful was punished as a major backslider, and plans were suggested to disrupt his wedding. Hashit went to Basket, as usual. Finishing up, they convoyed over to Weatherlaines where they were unruly and unpleasant and the waitress was damn glad to see them go when the evening was finally over and they went on on into the night.

On On