You can understand (insofar as anyone can understand why they show in the first place) why virgins might show up for a hash at Lincoln Woods. Lincoln Woods is attractive. Lincoln Woods is non-threatening. Many people of all types enjoy Lincoln Woods. But how many times can WE do Lincoln Woods? And how is the scribe supposed to remember anything to distinguish one hash from another? And WHO cares if no one reads this, anyways. But enough. Here goes. (And Amish, if you don’t like it, write it up yourself, you lazy wank!)

Starting from the secondary parking area at Manchester Printworks Road, two virgins were welcomed, and Basket and Bondo asked to leave. No luck, there, I'm afraid. But it was 6:30, so they followed trail into the park. A check soon sent the pack right and uphill (after an annoying falsie to the left that caught the leaders.) There was some bushwhacking, but it was mostly on trail. There were sufficient checks and double-backs to make it clear that fortune favored the slow (Bondo) and the cautious (Retard) over the speedy (Flexi, CEP) and adventurous (Flobanger).

Trail wound around Tablerock Hill in a counterclockwise path. Unfortunately, Basket through random motion, without seeing a single mark, managed to find the Beer Check. This is a good definition of "dumb luck". They should put his picture in the dictionary. He awaited the pack. By now, they were all over the hill, running into each other at intersections, and “RU?” echoed from every direction.

Finally, the pack came down the south slope of the hill, and found marks leading to the BC, at the foot of the cliff, just next to (but not taking advantage of) the swamp. The hare was admonished for not putting the beer in the swamp, but the virgins were grateful. Virgins+Beer Check+Basket= annoyingly long song-fest. Once this was over, they headed back in, each choosing his or her own path, none of which seemed to have any markings.

They circled in the parking lot. The run was short, but all uphill. Basket made it to the beer, but Bondo didn’t. Two bimbos after dark (though neither got wet.) Total: +0.069. The virgins were abused, and told a joke. Hashit went to Flobanger. Haven’t a clue why, but that’s what I scrawled on some semi-clean toilet paper when I staggered home that night. And of course, the On On On was at the Lodge. They love us there.