Just the Tip Hash
#1361 Bevertail Park, Jamestown
Hare: Assquack
Hashit: Crouch tiger / hidden dragon /Dr. Jones – Donkey Punch
In attendance: Dr. Who, Rusty, Pussy Galore, Crabby shag, Flounder pounder, just Kurt (pocket full of Pussy?), Fu, Wipos, Crouch Tiger, Dinglebury, Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing
Visitors: 4 on the floor, 2 in the Air – tidewater, Weinie Roast – from all over
April is the cruelest month… luckily this trail was not. The last day of April hash took place in Beavertail Park at the tip of Jamestown Island (and we know how the hash enjoys just the tip). The hare, Assquack, who is now a seasoned veteran of setting shitty trails decided to set trail in a park that is only about three square miles with only about ½ mile of actual trail. However I had complete faith that he could extend that into the hash of the year with a little creative maneuvering. It always helps to be positive about these things regardless of the result.
The parking lot was filled with a good combination of the usual suspects, a few visitors, and several members of the Newport crew who bravely crossed the bridge to joins us. No virgins (both literally and figuratively) or two timers so this seasoned crew was looking forward to a challenging trail.
It is a well-known fact that although the RIH3 does not have any rules, they are sticklers for a prompt departure onto trail at exactly 6:30, not before and not after. Thus it was an odd experience to see the pack still not motivating to leave at 6:33. After informing the pack that we were past time (and being chided with several F U’s) the Hare did a quick chalk talk. The highlight of which was when he demonstrated his technique of forceful flour deployment and the fancy ring on his finger came flying off and bounced three feet off the pavement. Style points for sure. At the end of the chalk talk he set an on out arrow, that most of the pack was confused about. Not realizing that it was the on-out mark, we continued to stand around for a few more minutes staring at each other.
Dr. Who took it upon himself to get the party started, and began rambling down the path. About 200 yards from the parking lot a pack arrow indicated trail to the left, but I saw the good doctor cut right. At that point, I am not sure if Dr. Who could have found the beer check any faster if he had set it himself. Dr. Who enjoyed some quality alone time with the beer on a rock overlooking the bay. Originally the Hare had set the beer check in a patch of briers, so DR. Who took it upon himself to improve the quality of the beer check location.
The rest of the pack played along with Assquack’s plan and followed trail. The trail was rather pedestrian for the first half mile. One highlight was the Newport Hasher (who I always confuse as Just Kurt, who it was pointed out that he is really Just Mark, who in fact has a name from Newport but I didn’t write it down, it might be pocket full of pussy?) complained because he had to run an extra 100 yards up a trail before seeing a false trail mark. He suggested to crabby it would be better if the hare had set it on other slope so he could have seen it before running up the trail, clearly missing the point of a false trail.
The trail looped around the end of the park and ended up on the rocks on the east side. Most of the pack skipped the run around the end of the island realizing that there was really no other direction to go unless he made us swim back to Newport (Note to the Hare, this is not advised as it would get you a permanent place in the dog house, however your legacy as a trail setter would go down into legend!). The trail continued along the east side of the island without much fanfare. As is was quite obvious what direction the trail was going, the pack decided to make it a choose you own adventure getting back to the west side of the island: Rusty gave up on the rocks and enjoyed a nice one mile pavement run, Pussy Galore and the visitor, 4 on the floor and two in the air, decided to continue on the rocks missing the true trail mark and Basket was seen bushwacking through the shaggy for no apparent reason.
After leaving the rocks the trail led back to the main road. The hare included a good half a mile of pavement to make the visitors and Newporter’s feel at home. The trail then appeared to turn back east into the woods, but upon further inspection it actually was more pavement that looked like trail.
The trail crossed the road again onto actual trail and came to a four-way cross. At this point I caught up to Fuwangi Boner and we stood on the check to see where the true trail might lead. Most of the pack went left, Basket went right – which clearly indicated the true trail was left. Almost simultaneously both the pack and Basket called on-on. Confused by this we decided that the true trail was obviously straight ahead. Approximately 100 yards from the check we came across a false trail (which was on a down slope. It would have been much better if he put it on the other slope so we could have seen it from the trail.) However since we didn’t see it until it was too late, we decided it was accidently placed and decided to continue on. As predicted, we found trail. Further up the trail we heard a commotion in the briers to the north, it sounded like a large wounded animal, indeed it was WIPOS. It was unclear if he was there for the hash or had in fact just been lost in the woods in beavertail for days. We indicated that we were on trail, however we was enjoying the shaggy and continued on. Further up the trail we heard another commotion which turned out to be basket after a sojourn into the wood, rejoined us on trail. Soon after we found the beer stop and DR. Who.
The pack found us in short order. The new beer stop location turned out to be scenic overlooking the lights from Narragansett. Beer and singing ensued.
The hare indicated that the out trail simply followed the shore back to the parking lot –easy. However most of the pack blew by the parking lot and started a second lap. Possibly intentionally, because they felt cheated by the first lap.
Several of us were able to follow the hares instructions and formed a circle on the path and waited out the rest of the wankers. Basket unveiled his newest horn – a trombone that had seen better days. The pack was informed that Crabby shag was concealing her hidden talent of being a trombone virtuoso. Being that I am also musically inclined, after a brief lesson from Crabby I entertained the pack with my version of Rachmaninoff’s Concerto #2. All WHO were in attendance were unequivocally impressed.
The pack finally found the circle and rated the run. Most complained about the length (which is the #1 problem facing all hashers). The trail was rated a -69. The visitors were called in and questioned. Several questions were asked, the gist of which was “Boobies?”- Then 4/2 responded to all questions by exposing her mammary protrusions and all appeared to be pleased.
Hashit was called forward and many sins were committed on trail, however at the beer stop Crouching tiger had indicated she felt that “vagina was icky” of which hardly any hashers agreed to. The burden of being awarded the hashit caused her to completely loose her mind and she tried to push the entire pack into the circle to overturn the verdict. A last ditch effort to sway the crowd she felt that groping me (Donkey Punch) would be the solution. I gladly traded some bad touch for the hashit however I am not sure how Pubic felt about it.
As usually Pubic and I headed to the Ocean mist after the hash, so you will have to ask another wanker about how the cold meat and warm beers wereat the on-in.
Over all good hash although short.
DP