Location: Wapping Rd, Middletown, RI
Run #: 1474, The Death to Buddy Hash
Date: June 30, 2014
Hare: Ass Quack and Crabby Shag
Pack: WHO, WIPOS, Shemale, Hairy, Rusty, Basket, Dog Meat, Luxury Box, Pubic Housing, Donkey Punch, OOzing, Crabby Shag, Bondo, Bondo's dog Buddy and Bondo's really close friend soon to be named Smells Like Fish.
The Hares decided to invite the Hash to their home in Middletown with the intentions of setting a beautiful trail through the wilds of this quaint community on Aquidneck Island. Upon arriving Crabby showed her scarred legs and said we'd not be going where no man nor woman should go, and decided on a long, ball busting, paved trail instead. The summer heat was in full form and the lack of rain the past few weeks, parched the good earth and would give no respite on our long journey.
Cars were lined up as best they could in the driveway, with OOzing and Crotchy the last to park off street. Crabby gave chalk talk and pointed us out to pavement, just as Shemale was told to leave his car on the street, as the Hares needed to move the beer to the BS. We made a left on Wapping, heading north to Sandy Point and went left to where the Sakonnet Greenway Trail passes through recreational areas, active farmland, wetlands, and forest from the Glen. The trail from here has been copied from the website
, and gives an accurate account of the miles of trail we had to survive.
The trail then crosses over Sandy Point Ave., and does a loop around the corn and cattle fields ( Portsmouth Loop Trail, 1.6 miles). It continues south through a red maple, black gum swamp. This scenic section of the trail has two bridges and a raised boardwalk that cross over the wetland. The trail exits the forest and continues along a hedgerow. The trail then turns to the right and parallels Braman�s Lane for a short distance before the kiosk (2.5). The trail then crosses Braman�s Lane at the crosswalk near the kiosk and extends west along the field along Braman�s Lane (2.8). Turn and follow the stone wall to the section of trail that runs along the perimeter of Newport National Golf Course (4.8).
The beer stop was found somewhere near the red maple and black gum swamp. It was here that, as the pack was enjoying beer, Bondo came in huffing and puffing with Buddy (the dog), WHO promptly fell flat on his face (Buddy the dog, not Bondo) and we offered him cold water (to Buddy the dog, not Bondo) as we feared for his very existence. Heat stroke in dogs can be quick and dangerous and we didn't want him to die on trail (Buddy the dog, not Bondo) as that would not be very good for the celebration we expected to have after this hell hole trail was completed.
After rounding the most of the golf course, beer stop #2 was found and the pack rejoined all but Bondo and Buddy, WHO decided to ride back with Crabby to the Crabby Shack. Just Alex, had seen the B, but did not venture into the thorns to find the sack. He along with Rusty and a few others had to be called back after running most of the way back to the Hares home. The second BS was more pleasant, as we didn't have to watch Buddy almost die. Songs were sung and enjoyable time was had by all until we finished the beer and had to finish the damned trail. We continued out to Wapping Rd and the circle at the #429.
Back at the homestead, Crabby pulled out a cooler of beer as the pack gathered, rather pooped, on top of the septic system. It was proper and fitting that this trail should end on a septic system, knowing full well the shit we just ran laid by the hares was also the shit dropped by the hares since moving into #429. Beers were enjoyed and down-downs were administered to the Hares, virgins, back sliders, a visitor, non-runners, and finally the Hashit for brining his dog on such a hot, dry and terrible trail. Despite all the complaints, the trail was given a positive .69 for almost, but not quite, killing Bondo's Buddy (the dog not Smells Like Fish). Those interested in continuing the celebration sojourned to KJ's for foor and refreshment. That's all I've got.