The Virgin Hare Hash of the Week
Run #1483, Sept 1, 2014
Hare: Who Wants My Johnson
Location: Parking lot Opposite Western Hills Middle School, Cranston
Weather: 80�s, Clear
Present: Rusty, Dr. WHO, LB, Hairy, Retar'd, Just Mickey, Pussy Galore, WIPOS, Crotch Tiger, Basket, Pussy Ivy, Just Tom (WHO doesn't like being called Bondo's Bitch), and Just PJ
Visitors: Dui Done Right, Easy Entry, Salty Mud Flaps, I'll F*ck Your Girl Friend, Tiny Bitty Bits, Cunt for Red Cocktober, Mine's a Mini
Virgin: Just Kendra and her dog and her pubic hairs...I think she liked it. Will she return???

This was WWMJ's first Haring and our expectations were very low and, in consideration of the results, spot on. The Hare suggested we turn around and don't cum, that we are all just a bunch of jackasses, that there would be shitty beer and asked us to bring water guns for a game. In hindsight, there was a lot going on here and to expect a virgin hare could, or should, raise the level of a virgin hare trail above the thin mucus line, floating on the top of the water, in the toilet, the morning after a Bondo Beer Fest is asking a lot of anyone. BUT, I think he did, although just above the mucus line is floating a putrid aroma of shite and puke. There was an abnormal number of Wankers and Wankettes joining the RIH3 as it was a holiday and being at 6:30 afforded some to get in their afternoon cookouts with family and still make it a Hashing Day.

WWMJ gave Chalk Talk for the Virgins and Visitors and asked for 2 minutes HEAD start to lay a traveling whiskey stop. After a respectable one minute 45 second delay with a Father Abraham to warm up old legs, we started out along paths leading to the power lines. The Hare's attempt to keep the pack in the woods failed on a number of levels. One: expecting WHO would follow a winding trail when there's a perfectly good straight line under wires. Two: thinking Bondo's Bitch would go out alone and not follow WHO was another fail. Tree: not knowing Hairy and Basket would shortcut and find trail at the top of the hill, while the pack floundered at the check. Eventually the pack followed our calls of "OnOn" and crossed the power lines towards the Rte 295 overlook. Beer was found here, where OOzing once laid a BS here many years ago.

It took a while for the entire pack to arrive, so we managed to get in a number of our favorite songs before we finished the beer. Surprisingly, there was sufficiently enough beer for all, and the quality was mostly adequate to great, depending upon how early you arrived. In all, it took about 17 minutes to reach the BS and was, right up there, for shortest trail on RIH3 record. In recent memories, only Retar'd's 13.7 minutes in the Wrentham Forest was shorter, but then the entire pack shortcut to the BS because the Hare laid trail too close. Here, it was just a short-ass trail, but greatly appreciated by the old fucks. Last to arrive was Pussy Galore with WIPOS. Both looked exhausted and disheveled. This isn't the first time WIPOS spent some quiet time with a bimbo in the woods, and I wonder what's the attraction. Must be his impeccable attire. .

Once the beer was gone, WHO was outa there lickedy split. LB and I tried to follow flour, but WHO led the entire pack straight down the hill the power line and parking lot. The circle was formed in a small stream just feet away from the cars. Comments ranged from too short, to too Long and everything in between. Since the Hare suggested there be a game, I dropped trowel and challenged anyone with a water gun to try and hit the head of my penis. The winner had the opportunity to lick it off, but I had no takers. The trail was rated an average negative .069, and WWJM got a down-down for Haring a shitty trail. He struggled for a song, but was eventually helped by Rusty with a "Waaayyyy!". Visitors were given the Inquisition by Retar'd, WHO outdid himself with interesting and provocative questions. One was answered correctly which was pretty good considering the intelligence of anyone WHO would travel from Groton, CT for a RIH3 trail. The Wankers finished a DD then serenaded us with a little ditty that, as far as I remember, was not sung at a RIH3 event. The Virgin was blessed and asked Rusty for some swill and help in her song.

It was at this moment that I, mistakenly, thought I dropped my keys out of my pocket and went back along the trail in search of them. When I returned the pack was singing the "Here's to the Hashit" song and I was given the toilet seat award for dropping a beer at the BS, dropping trowel, offering anyone to like my dick (Marco) and leaving the circle. I sang, "If I only had a brain", By WIFF of Tittsburgh. Announcements: September 6 Dragon Boat R*ce in Pawtucket. Free this year as we will offer our services to those in need. Possibly the first time the RIH3 has offered anything of public service. September 3 is an Old Phart's Hash in Boston, and a few of us were considering making the journey to join Ski and other OF's.
The On On On was held at Brutopia and, surprisingly, it was attended by most of the pack.Then we went home. That's all I got. OnOn at Brutopia.