The Virgin Hare Hash of the Week
Run #1483, Sept 1, 2014
Hare: Who Wants My Johnson
Location: Parking lot Opposite Western Hills Middle School, Cranston
Weather: 80�s, Clear
Present: Rusty, Dr. WHO, LB, Hairy, Retar'd, Just Mickey, Pussy Galore, WIPOS, Crotch Tiger, Basket, Pussy Ivy, Just Tom (WHO doesn't like being called Bondo's Bitch), and Just PJ
Visitors: Dui Done Right, Easy Entry, Salty Mud Flaps, I'll F*ck Your Girl Friend, Tiny Bitty Bits, Cunt for Red Cocktober, Mine's a Mini
Virgin: Just Kendra and her dog and her pubic hairs...I think she liked it. Will she return???
This was WWMJ's first Haring and our expectations were very low and, in consideration of the results, spot on. The Hare suggested we turn around and don't cum, that we are all just a bunch of jackasses, that there would be shitty beer and asked us to bring water guns for a game. In hindsight, there was a lot going on here and to expect a virgin hare could, or should, raise the level of a virgin hare trail above the thin mucus line, floating on the top of the water, in the toilet, the morning after a Bondo Beer Fest is asking a lot of anyone. BUT, I think he did, although just above the mucus line is floating a putrid aroma of shite and puke. There was an abnormal number of Wankers and Wankettes joining the RIH3 as it was a holiday and being at 6:30 afforded some to get in their afternoon cookouts with family and still make it a Hashing Day.
WWMJ gave Chalk Talk for the Virgins and Visitors and asked for 2 minutes HEAD start to lay a traveling whiskey stop. After a respectable one minute 45 second delay with a Father Abraham to warm up old legs, we started out along paths leading to the power lines. The Hare's attempt to keep the pack in the woods failed on a number of levels. One: expecting WHO would follow a winding trail when there's a perfectly good straight line under wires. Two: thinking Bondo's Bitch would go out alone and not follow WHO was another fail. Tree: not knowing Hairy and Basket would shortcut and find trail at the top of the hill, while the pack floundered at the check. Eventually the pack followed our calls of "OnOn" and crossed the power lines towards the Rte 295 overlook. Beer was found here, where OOzing once laid a BS here many years ago.
It took a while for the entire pack to arrive, so we managed to get in a number of our favorite songs before we finished the beer. Surprisingly, there was sufficiently enough beer for all, and the quality was mostly adequate to great, depending upon how early you arrived. In all, it took about 17 minutes to reach the BS and was, right up there, for shortest trail on RIH3 record. In recent memories, only Retar'd's 13.7 minutes in the Wrentham Forest was shorter, but then the entire pack shortcut to the BS because the Hare laid trail too close. Here, it was just a short-ass trail, but greatly appreciated by the old fucks. Last to arrive was Pussy Galore with WIPOS. Both looked exhausted and disheveled. This isn't the first time WIPOS spent some quiet time with a bimbo in the woods, and I wonder what's the attraction. Must be his impeccable attire. .