The Columbus Day Hash
Run #1489, Oct 13, 2014
Hare: Crabby Shag and Ass Quack
Location: Weetamoo Woods, Tiverton, RI
Weather: Very Nice
Present: Next Week, Dr. WHO, Fecal Vener (aka: Who Wants My Johnson), Pass On Pussy, Basket, Sleeping Booty, Just PJ, Rusty, Dog Meat, Basket, Hairy, Shemale Man, Glutenless Maximus
Two Timers: Just Isaac and Just Devin Virgins: Just Kasey and Just Emily
MIA: OOzing away in Scotland
Hashit: WHO

WHO wanted to do this Hash Trash, but got too busy with his promoting a hernia center, so I thought I'd put something down to remember this convoluted Hash. It was in WHO's back yard and you would have thought he'd be the perfect scribe, but c'est le vie.

Bondo was sharing his homebrew when Dog Meat and I arrived at the small lot off East Road in Tiverton. The Hares were nowhere in sight and some consternation was felt by all. Could they be lost in the deep dark forest? Would they make it back before 6:30? Did they drop off the beer stop before getting lost? Is the trail marked to the BS and could we find it in the dark? These and other thoughts crossed our minds, until the taste of Bondo's Best made us think, "Hmmmm! This ain't bad." Eventually AQ showed up and said CS was out laying the BS and was running slow, having run the Newport Marathon just yesterday. Our concerns were short-lived as AQ arrived and reported Crabby out setting the beer and, as she was running slowly, she would not join us at the start. Two virgins, Just Kasey and Just Emily, arrived, and were given explanations on the marks as we sipped the last of the beers. We proceeded around the barricade heading towards the Trail Kiosk. The first check had most of the FRB's running straight. Sleeping Booty and I checked out the trail to the right and found flour. We continued along calling "OnOn!" and wondered why the pack wasn't following us. We continued on trail to the next check where I went left and heard someone call to my left. Not finding the trail immediately, I bushwhacked on what seemed like a small trench that turned out to be a 10 foot drop, concealed by a fallen tree. I dropped down into the fuckin' thing and got snagged, landing on a branch the stopped me from falling to my death. Booty decided, wisely, to search further along and she found the trail. We met again, after I extracted myself, along the trail that led to another intersection. I started down the left branch, along a ledge and hearing voices to my right, went down a ravine and found Crabby. She was going to give a shortcut to the sick, lame and lazy Wankers and pointed me off to my left. I should have thought a bit before heading out, but I didn't.

We came to a check that sent us running in a circle, with, late cummer, Shemale running in the opposite direction. He said we were stupid and running in the wrong direction. He had seen the Hares and they pointed him off in this direction. I said the same to him, but in the opposite direction. It seems we were both right and wrong at the same time. We spilt up again. This time I took the left trail with most of the lost Wankers, and followed trail to another split, where I lost everyone so I continued along all by myself...again.

It wasn't long before I was running along the pipeline and bumped into Hairy. We continued along with no flour when we came to a large field. I went left started to circumnavigate clockwise, while he continued straight and went counter clockwise. Eventually he hit flour and an arrow pointing in the direction we just came, so it seems we were running the trail backwards. It was difficult for me to find the trail, but when I finally did, he was well out of sight. I ran along calling RU? and eventually ran into Hairy aging coming back to me. At the check, he found the trail false to the left and we started out along the right trail and a long bridge over some swampy ground. Hairy ran ahead, as I was hobbling along with my busted knees, when behind me came Just Isaac and Just Devin. They said they had run past this point twice already and saw a Beer Near mark. Not finding anything, they decided to do another mile loop...Overachievers! We could hear the singing off in the distance and eventually made our way to the ledge I had been previously, about 15 minutes into the trail. The Hare's had re-marked the trail to the Beer Stop on the top of the ledge.

As I was running in, someone noticed a lot of thorney things stuck to my knee pads, that I had picked up in the large, unmarked field. I left them on for use later on at the OnOn. Beers and Rusty's favorite Orange food were enjoyed, as we sang a good number of songs. When the beer was finished, Ass Quack told us to follow the red blazed trail. Much of the pack had already left by the time I finished my beer and found myself with Just Isaac and Dog Meat. Ass Quack ran up to us and asked where the pack was? Not knowing and not sure if we were on trail, he told us to continue straight and he went back to find the pack. We came to another intersect that wasn't clearly marked and not knowing I call out, "RU?". With no answer, we continued on, and Isaac ran ahead to find flour. Ass Quack didn't find the pack and joined us just as we arrive at the second kiosk. Much of the pack was already in, and we circled up in the field. The run was rated a positive .69, with high marks from the virgins and two-times. Those of us who added 2 miles to the trail rated it something more reasonable, but because or Hash-math, it was high. The Hares were given a Down-down and sang 'The End of the Month' song. Shemale got a DD for Backsliding. Two-timers and Virgins got their just desert. Finally, Hashit was discussed. Rusty immediately tried to pin it on me for no good reason. I tried to pin it on Hairy for following me. Others pointed blame, but nothing stuck, so eventually it went to WHO, just because.

We closed the circle and went to Wally's Tap House for food and a nightcap. The thorny things stuck to my legs found them flying around the table, winding up in beers and beard alike. The food was good as was the beers. We finished and then we went home after another successful Monday Hash.
That's all I got.
Map of Weetamoo Woods
Glutenless Maximus' Sticky Beard.