OOzy's Veterans Day Hash
Run #1493, Nov 10, 2014
Hares: Oozing Syphilitic Dictaphone
Location: Wolf Hill Forest Preserve, Smithfield, RI
Weather: Cold and Clear
Present: Dr. WHO, Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing, Retard, Dog Meat, Fecal Veneer, Just PJ, Just Nancy, Just Andrew, POP, Just Kasey, Just Emily, Just Phoebe, Next Week), Glutenless Maximus, Crabby, Ass Quack, Basket, Bondo, Klingon, PG, Amish, Just Erin, Sleeping Booty, Wipos
Missed parking lot: Crotch Tiger
Showed but couldn’t run: Just Lauren
Virgins: Just Phoebe, Just Dan
Hashit: Bondo

Huge crowd showed up for Oozy’s Veteran’s Day trail that started in the parking lot behind the Smithfield Police station (never a grand idea). Like a good captain, he made sure that his directions were clear and his location completely visible. The parking lot entrance was partially hidden causing everyone to drive past it at least once. It didn’t do that good of a job because there was a crowd of 26 hashers and harriettes, good mixture of old and new hashers. Parking in the lot was a challenge based on the inability of hashers to color inside the lines or follow orders. Basket immediately got talking with a local who couldn’t join us because said he had to run home to “walk the dog”. Don’t we all feel that way after chatting with basket? Chalk talk consisted of new and mysterious symbols –it’s good to be in charge and make your trail very special.

Some said that the trail has been oft run by RIH3 but it has not been done in a few years making it new to most of the pack. With some tricky checks, the hare set the pack on a mission along the trails of Wolf Hill Preserve. The pack broke up into a group of FRB’s, Mid range runners , slow runners and walkers. The walkers and the hare shortcutted directly to the beer check, while the others followed a slightly (or much) longer trail run. The hare set a turkey/eagle split to allow the pack a chance at a scenic viewpoint to see the shining lights of the big city, but the eagles were too busy wasting time up there overturning bushes looking for vagina! Dr. WHO immediately headed for the swamp and got himself and harriettes wet, so he had a more successful mission than the eagles – and he got to the beer check in time for beer. Donkey Punch believed that the turkey trail was the longer, more arduous trail, and told his running mates “The Hare set it, we might as well do it” and took off down the T trail – to the confusion of all around including Amish. Pussy Galore and Pubic Housing were walking alone in the dark talking about breasts when Bondo’s Bitch came up from behind them. As he quickly walked away, it should be clear how he got his name.

The tale of this trail’s beer check will go down in history – just like every other beer check in which the hare comes up short. We shall forevermore now have to endure stories of how just one week prior Basket was quick-thinking and added more beer to his bag. We all have one more reason to drink all the beer before Bondo throws it on the ground.

The trail out was easy, the hare said. Just a right, a right, a right, a right, and then a left; based on these easy directions there was whining. By the time we all got back to the cars and wrangled the pack together the trail was rated in the negative for lack of beer and creativity and even though there were many, many harriettes no vagina was found at the V check. Bondo appropriately got hashshit for being Bondo.

The OnOn was someplace with beer and food nearby and the directions were a right, a right, a right, a right, and a left.