Run # 1508
Date: 2/23/15
Location: Big River, little parking lot off Exit 6 (not 6a)
Hare(s): Crabby Shag, AssQuack
Pack: Amish, Basket, WHO, Fecal Veneer, POP, Oozing, Just Emily, Eticlit, Crotch Tiger, O-boner, Shemaleman
Weather: Cold, real cold. And clear. And Cold
Hashit: Amish
Iím not quite sure what to write about the run so Iím just going to start off by saying Iím disappointed in the hash. I thought we were a group of open-minded individuals. Accepting of all. Criticizing of all. Equal treatment for all. But, the other night didnít make it appear so. Iíll get to that later.

Iíll start with the run as it ainít gonna take too long. It was a cold night. A cold so piercing it made your nipples stand erect and your penis hide in fear. There wasnít much to do about it other than hope the hare(s) had set a decent trail on established paths allowing everyone to jog and build up some warmth. The usual cast of jackasses was there, a bit smaller than usual which I can only assume was due to folks staying home in the warmth. Or in Donkey and Pubicís case climbing at the rock gym because apparently Donkey has cum out of climbing retirement and is on his way to becoming a 5.13 superstar. What was I talking about again? Oh, the run. The hare(s) were geniuses and decided to set trail using flour (white flour!) on the snow. Whatís better than setting trail in pink flour (Basketís kryptonite) you may ask? Setting a winter trail in white flour (the entire packís kryptonite)! Add to that the hare(s) only set 6.9 marks on the entire run over the course of 6.9 miles and we were forced to follow that tall lanky jackass AssQuackís footmarks in the snow.

So here it is:
1) Pack started South on Burnt Sawmill Rd
2) Pack went East, I think, and eventually ended up post-holing on the south side of Mud Bottom Brook. This is a surprisingly appropriate name for a brook to be used by the hash, especially with Basket present (never trust a fart!)
3) Hare got lost, turned pack South away from Mud Bottom Brook (could this be the bottom of a Mud Bottom?) and back to established trail
4) Pack went West along trail eventually meeting up with Crabby (WHO wouldnít want to meet up with Crabby?)
5) Beer check, yadda yadda
6) Back out the way we came in (just like after a long, bad night of drinking)

It was a short ďrunĒ and at the end we had options. WHO doesnít like options? The hare(s) said we could hop in the golden chariot and caravan over to beer check #2, at a hill with sleds and have a good time. Apparently Rusty doesnít like good times because he said he was going home. I think itís the firey red hair, gingers are an angry people. Given the cold temp and angry ginger we chose to just circle right there and get things over with. I donít know what people thought was good about the run Ė maybe the bimbos? I believe the mathematical total was 0 which I personally thought was overrated, probably my fault though as I gave them a -2 and thatís much less than a hash standard -6.9.

This is where I talk about being disappointed. Here we are in 2015, the hash should be open to all, fair to all, equal treatment for all. I mean look Ė we have a Shemaleman. Bondo is a fist-fucker and we donít hold it against him (much). We have a black guy (you go Oozing!). And women, we have a good number of women (and a number of good women). Women that werenít here in the mid/late 2000s when we were the Rhode Island Gay Hash (not that anythingís wrong with that). So there we were listening to hashit nominations and Crotch Tiger gets all pushy. I want to say itís because sheís short and has a Napoleon complex but it could just be because sheís short and has a Napoleon complex. For some reason she ends up actually getting the hashit and I give her just a little encouragement into the circle so she can accept her punishment.

And everyone gets their panties in a wad.

What? Just because sheís a woman should I not treat her as an equal and not give her encouragement into the circle? Would I push the angry ginger? You bet! Our one black guy Oozing? You bet! Our very own Shemaleman? You bet! The Proctologist WHO? You bet! Our 5.13 superstar Donkey? You bet!

So there it is. Iím taking a stand. A stand for equality - itís two thousand fucking fifteen for crying out loud! Next time weíre voting for hashit and I push you into the circle after being selected know that I do it not for me, but for you! For the women! For equality!
Thank you.