The 25th Ski Hash
Run #1509A, Feb 28, 2015
Hare: Basket with very little help (-read none) from Co-Hare OOzing and Shemale
Location: The McGaw Homestead, Stinson Lake Rd, Rumney, NH
Weather: Cold but perfect for our Anal Rumney event
Present: The Fat One, Sweet Molasses, Dr. WHO, Rusty, OOzing, Sister Sauna Snatch, Eticlit, Swamp Whine, Cum Titty, Pssonya, Hare Club, Fecal Veneer, Skibobbit, Friar, Hym Wrng Gye, Glutenless Maximus, POP, Next Week, O'Bone'R, Ass Quack, Shemale,
The Fat One and Sweet Molasses opened their home (and cellar) once again for the Ski Hash. It was truly a Great Hash of Shit-Show proportions, in many ways.
Rusty, Ass Quack and I arrived Thursday night and spent most of the day Friday climbing Cinema Gulley on Mt Willard. WHO, OOzing, Shemale and Wee Balls were already at the Fat One's when we arrived Friday night. We tapped a pony of Brutopia Imperial IPA and enjoyed WHO's Casadia Keish. By the time we were feeling pretty good, O'Bone'R and Swamp Whine arrived and Eticlit and Sister Sauna Snatch sometime later. WHO decided it was time to test the sauna, so a few hearty souls made their way down. I knew I'd have to be up early to lay trail and decided to pass on the sauna. I asked OOzing if he'd be interested in helping. He quickly answered yes and made his way down to the sauna with a bucket of beer and a towel. I crashed in the lounger, in the middle of the great room at about midnight, and tried to get some sleep. The party lasted till tree then slowly quieted down.
The morning came quickly and, little by little, the small band of partiers found their way into the kitchen for some coffee and breakfast. WHO was up early and was going to offer his second batch of Casadia Keish, but Ass Quack's dog, The Shitard, chewed the top crust off and it did not look as inviting as it did last night. Someone made some eggs and I started a couple pots of much needed coffee. My head was throbbing, but I had to lay trail, so when OOzing got up, I asked if he was going to give me a hand. "What time?", he asked. "10 o'clock" was my reply. I started dressing up about 9 tirdy. Shemale offered to help too, and actually complained that he was not given the opportunity to lay trail himself after offering last year, but he was still asleep... somewhere. I filled some containers with flour mixed with orange carpenters chalk and checked on OOzing's status. "Are you ready", I asked. "When are you leaving", was his reply. Again I said 10, and that was just a few minutes away. At 10 I asked Skibobbit, WHO arrived, along with Friar, The Hair Club and Hm Wrng Guy and had his car at the end of the driveway, to give me a lift to the start. OOzing was still nursing his headache when we drove away.
I got back at about noon just as Cum Titty arrived. The Fat One, Sweet Molasses, Flobanger, Pissonya, Glutenless, POP, Fecal, O'Bone'R and Next Week had arrived and had already started tasting the keg. At noon, all started getting our gear together as I filled the jugs with beer. The Fat One realized he did not have his own skis and went into the cellar to see if there was another pair that would fit his boots. He found his skis and a lot of shit....literally. Evidently the pipe to the leach field was frozen and all the excrement that had been flushed, over the WHO knows how long, overflowed, where the washing machine connected to the system and started filling the basement. A 'Do Not Flush" warning was given to all until we came back and got an assessment of the problem. Soon all piled into 4 or 5 vehicles and drove up to the start and we were off on our 25th Anal Skash.
I don't mind saying, this year's trail was as perfect a trail as there could have been. There were 3 trails. Short, medium and Ball-Buster, and perfectly groomed for skis and perfectly laid by meself, despite the lack of enthusiasm by my co-Hares. The skiing was fast, but the snow shoes and postholing (if that's what you're in for) made it to the Beer Stop at about the same time.
The trail started at the Stinson Mountain Trail Head, located at the intersection of Doetown and Cross Rd, just about 4 miles uphill from The Fat One's. This, of course, meant the way back to TFO's was all downhill. The snow was icy and fast, when I laid flour on Saturday morning and the quick, downhill course, on snowmobile tracks was treacherous. At the very steep part, just before the old barn on Lower Doetown Rd, was more than I was up for so early after last night, so I broke trail downhill, through the trees to the corner of Lower Doetown and Stinson Lake Rd. I planned to have the beer stop there, unless a better option arose.
Back at the Fat One's, while filling the beer jugs for the BS, and getting little input from the Wankers that were more interested in a bit of Hare of the Dog, I decided to set a live A-2-A trail from the start to the Beer Stop and offer anyone interested to ski the long way back A-2-B.We dismounted the cars and walked a few hundred feet to the stat of the trail. I left a jug of Brutopia IPA at the start for the 5 minute head start, and I was off. The snow was a couple feet deep, but was packed down (mostly), by XC skiers and snowshoes. There was a shit-load of trails and, not having recce'd it, I hoped I could tie it all together. I basically followed the Stinson Mt Trail to an old logging road and went right on a pleasant downhill run that allowed the skiers to get far ahead of the snowshoers. A check sent the pack back down Doetown Rd toward the start. The Skiers took a right on the medium trail that meandered a bit, while the walkers stayed on the snow covered road. Everyone arrived about the same time and the Beer was soon enjoyed with a fine selection of Orange Food. Rusty gobbled it up.
First in was the skiers: Flobanger, OOzing, Sister Sauna Snatch, Eticlit, POP, Next Week, Ass Quack, Dr WHO and Swampwhine. The Fat One was nowhere in sight. The Walkers sashayed down the road and a circle was formed in the tramped down snow. Singing began as the beer was passed around. O'Bone'r reached for a cup and did her best to stay on her feet, but, once again, found herself on her back. She does that a lot. Eventually The Fat One at last arrived and all were accounted for. When the beer was finished, we made our way back to the cars, a short distance away. Most of us hopped in cars for the drive back to TFO's, but OOzing, Next Week, and Sister Sauna Snatch skied the long trail back.
At the Fat One's, Beer was brought out to the front yard and the Circle was formed. A question was asked if we should wait for the skiers, but that was quickly dispatched. Soon after we started, the last of the skiers arrived. Shemale sat on ice that had a darken object in its center. Comments were mostly good, considering the best snow condition in years, the quality of beer and the brevity of the trail, so a positive zero was agreed upon. Rusty brought out his ice axes and pierced the ice. It didn't stick, so I hit it again and it broke into a number of smaller pieces, revealing a mug frozen inside. It took OOzing a few minutes before he realized it was the mug stolen at the Xmas Hash. He was given a DD for losing it. Next, First-Timers were called into the circle: O'Bone'R, Fecal, Glutenless, Eticlit, Sister Sauna Snatch (recently named), POP and Next Week. They were given the Inquisition by OOzing and suffered a down-down. As the ceremonies continued, Hashit was discussed ad nauseium. I had knocked the beer out of Rusty's hand and it was suggested it be bestowed to me. But in consideration of being the Hare it was put towards WHO, who deserved it without a doubt, but eventually fell on OOzing for LOOzing his mug. Shameful, just bloody shameful that he can't keep track of his most important possessions. He accepted it bravely and drank a DD with much respect. Announcements went as such: No shitting in the house. No urinating in the house. No use any type of water in the house. Then the Fat One announces that the blockage is fixed and we can use the toilets, but to be safe, "if it's yellow - let it mellow, if it's brown - send it down." We sang religion and went in for sustenance.
The food was plentiful and yummy, and what can I say about the beer, 'fantastic', except for the light-water Floballs brought. He tried to not get paralyzed again. After dinner, WHO organized a sauna party and many sought the heat of the stove. There was a plethora of boobs in the sauna this year, and many were virgins. That was the good news; the bad news was there was just as many old dicks as was previous years, with some showing signs of aging: wrinkles, shortening and lost in the forest. It's unfortunate, but that's the way of life. Hare one day, and gone the next. Walking down the rear steps to the sauna one could see the amount of yellow snow was greater this year than previously. One could argue that that was much better than the alternative..BROWN. It would have been nice if all the guys with little dicks could have stepped off the rear deck to do their business, but the tree dogs had just as much respect for TFO's property. That offered an opportunity to blame it on the four legged hounds.
After sauna and more beer then we should have had, a Naked Conga Line was formed and it was a huge success. The Brown Girls were thoroughly impressed with the view as was Sweet Molasses. Outside, Mr. Rogers' use of a ladder to get out of the water was just short of genius, but there were less taking the plunge this year than previous Skashes. Later on, Wee Balls was singing some loud silly song and they played Cards Against Humanity until tree. At 5 A.M. Shemale was walking around angrily complaining about something and went back to sleep. At 6 A.M., Wee Balls, after being woken up by Santa Clit's text of an early rising baby looking for some mother's milk, started singing his silly and very loud song again. With faint mammories of Sister Sauna Snatch in the sauna and her fashion show running through our heads, we started to coffee pots. Shemale got up, mostly still drunk, and started his biscuits and gravy. Mr R started cooking eggs, and others started getting their shit together. The Fat One went into to cellar to check on the flow and found the stoppage was ongoing an asked we not use the toilet, this was just after Friar happily said he had a double flusher. We all hope The Fat One has help in his cleanup.
It was nice seeing Pissonya, Cumtitty, Swampy, O-bone'er, Eticlit, Sister Sauna Snatch and all the other ladies of the Hash that I've failed to mention. And Hare Club, Fecal V, Gutenless M, Skibobbit, OOzing, to name just a few of the other Wankers that added their shit to the shit-show.
One last thought about that, if anyone has some time off in the near future, The Fat One is looking for volunteers to help him dig out the cellar before the big thaw and the accompanied odor. I think Friar should be first up, after bragging about his double-flusher.
That's all I got.