St Paddy's Day Marriage Hash
Run #1563, March 14, 2016
Hare: Luxury O'Box
Time: 6.30 pm
Venue: Agawam-Flynn Playground East Providence
Pack: Dr. O'WHO, Sleepin' O'Booty, O'Bone'R, Crotch O'Tiger, Ass O'Quack, Basket O'BB, Just O'Paddy, Fecal O'Veneer, O'Hairy, Donkey O'Punch, Pubic O'Housing
Visitors: Portland - H3 BeHeaded and Good Shag(?) and from Hawaii (now Newport) BarMyassva (?)
Hashit: Basket O'BoomBoom
O'Hairy is finding his place in his relationship with Luxury O'Box. She's been busy planning and keeping her athletic body in shape for her wedding, so he's doing the cooking, cleaning and other chores around their new home in Rumford, RI. He was a bit too busy to lay trail this week, so he asked his fianc� if she'd help out. LB was interested in showing the Hash that she IS the man of the house, and that fits nicely into her 'keep fit' schedule, so she laid trail all by herself. The start location was nearby their new digs, and looked like a promising location for some shiggy. Since she's been unable to satisfy her sexual needs, as she's been saving it for the wedding day, she asked O'OOzing to perform a Hash Wedding Ceremony to quell her religious restrictions, during their cohabitation before marriage.
She also wanted to celebrate St Paddy's Day, so kilts and bow ties were the suggested dress for this special occassion. The pack arrived at the park with a light rain-a-fallin' and darkness overtaking the day. LB had warned the pack that a change of clothes would be necessary if they were interested in the OnOn at their (hope to be soon) shag-bin. So we were not surprised when just after leaving the lot, we encountered the first water crossing. Many of us used the logs the navigated the small brook. I watched as Pubic O'Housing stepped directly into the fray without hesitation. I stepped upon the fallen trees and just as quickly slipped ankle deep into the muck. This was my first, but not last, fail of the day.
We made our way out to Pawtucket Avenue, where a check had us confused for a bit. Flour was found heading north toward the intersection with Center Street, and another check. The trail continued straight but soon I spotted the golf course to my left, I entertained the idea of short-cutting, with the likelihood of finding flour. It ddn't take very long before I realized I could not hear the pack and heading in the wrong direction, again. I decided to make my way up through the thorny muck towards the houses and drier ground. I found a, somewhat, clearer opening between a couple houses onto Hayward Place, and made a right on Greenwood and went right again back to where I last hear the pack. I found a check on Pawtucket Ave, my first mark in some time, but found only one mark going north, so I turned around and went left on Pleasant Street. Do you see the pattern of street names? There was a shit-load of hard macadam to pound on this trail. This was very unlike our pattern of off-road tail laying, and should lower the ratings dramatically.
Not finding flour again, I turned around and went south and a check at Harlem. I went straight, knowing we'd be heading toward the park and soon saw a few runners crossing the road in front of me, into the woods by Hunts Mill. I missed the circle jerk and was my touch O' the Irish luck. The pack followed flour along the 10 mile river, to a much welcomed Beer Check. Hairy and LB were standing on a rock finger in the river, but gave no help in finding the Beer. O'WHO was said to be getting warm but it took O'Veneer to dig it out from under the pile of leaves. The alternated circle tried to keep it for themselves, but Sleeping O'Booty went over to try and steal it back for the good guys. They eventually acquiesced, and we all enjoyed the selection of Newport Storms finest selection.
The beer was cold and refreshing and the light rain gave a quiet din to the woods. The sound of the river gently rushing by, bubbling along the bank was just a light hum as we set out to sing a good number of Hash tunes. The visitors joined in for a few and we entertained the bimbo with Pubic Hairs. Suddenly, a familiar sound was hear cuming from the opposite bank. "On On!", was clearly heard above the wind and rain and river. Soon a blackish form was seen on the far shore. It was O'WIPOS and he was on the wrong side for beer. We all offered encouragement with suggestions of shortcutting across, but he declined. Great! There was more beer for us. With O'WIPOS in view of the beer, but not able to partake, the song fest started anew in ernest.
Eventually all things must end, so we started out on trail again. The devious Hare warned that the way back would not be dry or easy, but there was lots of flour to show the way. She also said there was a drier, albeit less entertaining way along the street. Nobody took her up for that option, but many wished they did in a few short minutes. The trail led us deep into the swampy ground, following the 10 mile river northerly. The muck was mostly ankle deep with pockets of shoe sucking-thigh deep primordial ooze. We finally slogged our way back out to Pawtucket Avenue and left to the cars.
The circle was formed nearby and O'WIPOS, WHO had missed a 'beer' opportunity earlier, dug deep into the beer chest for a cold one. Comments were mostly negative, but everyone remained most civil about the amount of pavement. O'WHO correctly deduced the rating at a negative zero, and the Hares enjoyed a down-down for their efforts. I said Hares, because O'Hairy joined L O'B in the circle, even though he admittedly said he had nothing to do with it. They attempted to sing Maggie Malone, and got a little help from their fiends. Next, the visitors were interrogated by meself, admirably so I might add, even though O'WHO protested the questions. They did their DD and sang something less memorable, as I don't remember what that was. Then came the Hashit. It should, of course, gone to WIPOS for his being on the wrong side of the river, just missing the beer stop and losing his torch in the process. Unfortunately, the RIH3 has little regard for the obvious and most certainly the more deserving of the Hashit, so it went to me. Why you ask? They don't need a reason, it's the RIH3's attempt to get anyone to put the historical data to paper for future generations. So here it is, fuck you very much.
The OnOn was at the Hare's shag bin, but the minister, Sir O'OOzing was too lame to show and perform the ceremonies. This left the Hares in a quandray. Does Luxury O'Box listen to her conscience and abstain from sexual relations with O'Hairy, or listen to O'Hairy's whining and bang away. Time will tell.
This is as I remember it, so if you've got proof it's incorrect, do it yourself. If I've left anyone out WHO was there, or included anyone WHO was not there, I would accept the information to bring the information up to date.
And may doG bless our Hash Diddly Dee