Run #1629: Mammorie Day Hash
Time: 2:00PM
Date: May 29,2017
Hare: Buttplug
Start: Rosa Larisa Park in Riverside
Pack: (can I count to 14) Hamster, Basket, WIPOS, Rusty, WHO, Hairy, Just Kim, Just Rose (virgin), Crotchy, Oboner, Comes with Oboner, Butler, Buttplug, Oozing, Tird in Beaver…
Hashshit: Tird in Beaver

Well I didn’t know Buttplug was more formally referred to as BBBP, but I would soon cum to learn what the extra Bare Back was all about. This week’s run started with a dream; a dream of holiday otium, of sustenance, of memoriable or mammorial trail. Buttplug soon informed us that we were going to starve (as the grocer had run out of salmonella), the forecast predicted a total washout, and there would not be memories or mammories exposed on this trail.

After a short prelube the pack headed west-southwest towards the water and the interior of the park. An immediate check would split the pack. Those of which who were smart enough to realize the park itself was .69 acres in total and that the hare would have to pull out some other tricks, headed down to the water. Some clever flour posting along piers would lead the pack north. Upon finding the next staircase up from the beach, the pack crossed the park and headed to the longest circle jerk ever seen by the Rhode Island Hash.

The hare handed out tickets to Riverside’s historic Merry-Go-Round and after a few minutes of intimidating the nearby parents, who would soon round-up their children and leave, the RIH3 would mount their steers. Most hashers were excited at the chance to adorn leather straps and ride those ponies, but some such as Oboner were just looking for a chance to score some cock-rings. The circle jerk went on far too long. There was no flour on this part of trail, foreshadowing?

From there we would head north. Buttplug sent me off on a clever true trail loop through a baseball park, every other hashed skipped this but it was a useful on-piss. Soon we were off to pounding the pavement. 12 miles later of perfectly groomed bike path, sans bike, we would do some other crescent jerks before getting lost in the woods. Hairy was FRB at the time, but upon hearing the ON-ON after the final check before the beer stop he decided to explore the outerlying areas possibly looking for shiggy which had not yet been observed. To our appreciation though the hare palced the beer stop on the other side of a short swampy stretch, where most hashers were able to cool off their feet was with fresh mud.

Beer was plentiful and OK, the virgin had her pubic hairs admired, and the hash sang from the cassette.

Buttplug earned his feathers with the outtrail. I soon came to learn that Bare Back Butt Plug actually stood for Buttplug’s Bare outtrail Back, on which no flour was observed. When asked, the hare said, “oh it’s really easy, we’re not that far from the park, you just turn at that bridge after the….” After which he was immediately corrected that it was in fact the second bridge after aforementioned landmark. 6.9 miles of bike path and a shortcut later we managed to get back to the park where we started.

The hashers made their way toward the water and found a nice little knoll that the entire east bay’s canine population had recently used to shit on. Rather than avoid the excrement, we placed the cooler as close to it as possible and circled around it, I think for a more literal definition of hashshit. While some hashers covered shit with rocks, others, mainly Rusty, possibly deprived of football of late, would make a point to kickover said rocks and find these little bombs. The hare was given a positive rating, probably based on the spectacular weather and amount of shit found at the circle.

The ON-after was at Stevie-D’s, who were selling 3 or 4 or 5 or 9 dollar burgers; nobody was quite sure how much they cost. In an amazing turn of events, the sustenance would cost the hash four dollars less than usual, instead of four dollars more… Or would it? Anyway, although the food was good, Stevie-D’s requested that we call ahead for reservations in the future. They were at their max capacity of two patrons with four servers when we arrived and so the 14 of us certainly strained their ability to operate the 3,000 square-foot establishment.