The Dark and Stormy Night Hash
Run #1637, July 24, 2017
Hare: Just the Tip
Location: Hopkins Hill Rd, W. Greenwich, RI
Weather: cool and rainy for the Hare, with just drizzle by the start of the Hash
Present: Basket, Rusty, Just Kim, O'Bone'R, Crotch Tiger, Shemale Man, Why Shitoed, Just Pat, Hamster in the Tailpipe
Virgins: (2 college friends of the Hare)
Hashit: Just Pat

The Hare went over his handle bars a few weeks ago and broke his scapula. That didn't stop him from laying flour on a very wet and cold Monday afternoon. The Big River seems to be the fav location of late, with at least 4 runs here this year alone. The parking lot just south of Carr Pond and maybe 2 miles, as the crow flies, from last week's beer stop in the Carr River, has been a familiar start for us. Async and Beyond Hope had many a start from this location here, and just north at Tarbox Pond. Most interesting of them all, has to be the snowy night Amish almost lost his car in a hole and had to be pushed out by the Hash. This Hash would prove to be not so memorable as then, but had its moments, just the same.

The pack gathered and enjoyed some beer and brownies served by Just Kim. We have to name her soon. She's always offering us whiskey to lower our inhibitions and then offers us her cookies. At 6:30, the Hare was in no mood to give any clues where the trail would be found. With just a check at the cars, we were off in all directions. Rusty had spied a smidgen of flour across the road and pulled most of us in that direction. A few started out easterly, directly from the lot toward the Carr River. It wasn't long before Rusty called OnOn having seen 2 marks and forgetting the instructions by the Hare that it would be 3 to make in On. The pack followed him until, he lost steam and any additional flour. Turning around we found the pack form a circle around the Hare walking along. with his bag in flour in his right hand and his left in a sling. At the check, I went right and after 2 marks found an X. We all then retraced our tracks across the road, to the southerly trail out of the lot, and onto a sparsely laid flour trail.

If the Hare didn't have his arm in a sling, I'd have guessed it was set on a bike. The marks were laid so randomly and far apart that every mark was like a check. You'd have to run 5 minutes in any direction to find the next bit of flour. Sometimes it was on the trail, but since it crossed many intersections, you'd have to send out in all directions. At other times, the trail was left for a bushwhack and you were on your own to find anything resembling a trail. At one point, after a bushwhack from a perfectly good trail, through thick brush and crossing another perfectly good trail, we found nothing in any direction. We made our way back to the previous check, only to have the Hare say, "I think I'm lost." Followed by, "Oh, I forgot to put an arrow in this direction.

The pack continued on and found the whiskey stop, marked by a W or M depending upon your perspective. The drink of choice by the Hare, with positive comments from his college friends, was the fixin's for A Dark and Stormy Night: dark rum and ginger beer. He had a fifth of rum and two bottles of the ginger whatever. How he carried the flour and bottles in one hand must have been epic. He said he'd have to put down the flour to reach in the bag and put some in the ground, as his left hand was useless. And to think some people don't Hare because they have a cold...pathetic!

The trail continued on toward the lake, with the continued problem of not enough flour to bring the pack in any direction without much discovery. Eventually, we were back on a trail leading toward Carr Pond. O'BoneR and Just Kim had started out from the parking lot on the wrong trail, while the pack wondered from crossing the road and back to the lot. They wound up finding the beer, off trail, by a large rock overlooking the pond. The pack was enjoying the beer as we waited for the Hare to finally make his way in. He was carrying his bag of flour that was unnecessarily heavy, due to the lack of flour used on trail. As he got closer, Shemale pulled one of his duche-baggery stunts and ran off with the backpack full of beer. As the Hare arrived, there was no beer to be had for his efforts. Shemale returned saying he put the backpack out on trail. If the Hare wanted a beer, he'd find it on the point in a tree. I went down to retrieve it, and did not find it. When I finished my beer, the Hare and I went to find the backpack, with little luck.

It reminded me of a Hash in the 90's. It was the Old Farts Hash in Lincoln, and Moon arrived first to the beer, having short-cutted there directly and missed the river crossings. He took his beer, hid the cooler and continued out on trail. When the pack finally arrived, there was no beer and no Moon. It was a bad joke and pissed everybody off. When we finally caught up to the bugger, he just giggled, with no remorse about ruining everybody's time. It totally misses the point about the Hash camaraderie. Checks are made to bring the Hash together, each of us helping the others, not pulling stupid stunts. That's all I'm going to say about that douche bag stunt, but if anyone (SMM) wants to discuss further, you've got my number.

The pack was now ready to move on, so the Hare gave directions back to the cars. Another bushwhack and another thinly marked trail led us to the parking area. We circled up and comments were mostly in the negative. The Hare drank for his sins and sang, "Hello Penis." The virgins had their DD and sang, Happy Birthday, FU" Then discussion about Hashit was enthusiastic with many offerings. The obvious person stepped into the circle first and offered himself up, but he was ignored straight away. Other Hashers were suggested, while off in the corner of the circle, Just Pat was using his phone to call his bookie or some other reason more important than contributing to the discussion. He was awarded the Hashit. I don't remember his song, but I'm sure it was interesting. We then left for Richards Pub in EG where the beer and food was more than adequate, and enjoyed by all the pack except for the dope.