Run: 1710<br/>
Hares: Donkey Claus and Pubic<br/>
Location: Tucker Preserve - Cumberland, RI<br/>
Temp: 30s, dry<br/>
Wankers: Dr. WHO, Basket, WIPOS, Oozing, JTT, Crotchy, Amish, Rusty, Just Pat<br/>
Two Timer: Just Dan<br/><br/>

Ok boys and girls, it's that time of year to tell the wonderful story of the cumming of Donkey Claus, and Pubic.  What is a Donkey Claus, you may ask?  Good question!  He's a lot like that creepy Krampus dude with the hooves and stuff, but with less horn and a slightly shorter tongue (or, not - Pubic?!).  I don't want to say bad things about the guy as he handed out some presents of beer at the circle (some may say that was collusion (NO COLLUSION, YOU'RE COLLUSION!) in exchange votes, some may say it happened before the vote and therefore didn't matter), but word is he also does that weird stuff with the kids when no one is around.  Hey, whatever floats his boat?  But, I digress...<br/><br/>
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Figure 1: That creepy Krampus dude with kids
(Replace with rounder, hairier, less horny Donkey Claus dude for accuracy)<br/><br/>

Trail started at Tucker Field.  The gang was merry (not Mary), except for Jimmy WHO kept complaining about how cold it was and continued to ask to get into Oozing-s boot.<br/><br/>

1)	Did those guys carpool together?  Not that that there is anything wrong with that...and
2)	WHO shoves stuff in Oozing-s boot (author-s note: WHO does).  <br/><br/>

At 6:25 the hares Donkey Claus, and Pubic, returned to the cars to let folks know some kind citizens had covered over checks.  Personally I think it-s because they didn-t set checks, but what do I know (author-s note: not much)?  The hares told the pack trail was a bit moist due to the rain we-d recently had and it delivered.  They also warned Oozing about barbed wired (long story, it-s boring so you won-t care and I won-t repeat) and even made an honorable (on-her able?) mention to Amish about the number of rocks he could test the tensile strength of his 316 CRES surgically implanted bone plates on.  What can you say, it's everything you didn't put on your Christmas list for Santa and didn-t want these two hares actually delivered on.  Joy to the World!<br/><br/>

Trail headed towards the power lines and for the most part the pack stayed together.  JTT ran in some direction only he knew about.  Eventually we came to a check and trail veered off to the southeast.  It continued in the woods until the pack met a number of unnecessary checks and pack arrows (not to be confused with true tail arrows -I can't remember which of those Donkey Claus says isn't a RI mark that supposedly Oozing said was ok which supposedly came from Boston which supposedly we-ve been using FOR YEARS WITH NO ONE COMPLAINING ABOUT!  BUT, DONKEY CLAUS ISN'T ONE TO COMPLAIN, IS HE!!??  OH WAIT, HE IS!) which lead us in essentially a straight direction.
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At one point the pack popped up at a power line tower where a check was set, after scouring around for a while trail was found to go further south down a steep hill into the woods and eventually out into a nicely manicured field and made a loop.  At this point it was feeling like the hares Donkey Claus, and Pubic, were really like that creepy dude Krampus and punishing us for being bad boys and girl (Crotchy -she was the only non-hare lady WHO broke up the all-male gay RI hash, not that there-s anything wrong with that...).  There was a nice bench here, some birdfeeders too - no birds.  I can only assume they heard the ruckus of JTT running in some direction on the road only he knew about and flew away.<br/><br/>

We continued along the other side of the power line a bit, maybe made a zig here or zag there but always in the same direction.  WIPOS-s horn could be heard in the distance.  Shucks, he was still around and we knew would eventually catch up and drink some beer.  Loop de loop and all that crap until trail lead downhill towards a rock outcropping and the beer check.  Hallelujah!  It started to feel like that cool dude Santa Claus was finally kicking that creepy dude Krampus-s ass and rewarding us for being good and not complaining, too much, about how shitty this trail was.  There were wasabi almonds, some orange food (favorites of both the co-hare (the other one who wasn-t like that creepy Krampus looking hooved animal dude) and of Luxury Box-s dad.  WHO knew?!) and various beers to satisfy the pack.  It was almost like what you-d put out in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve if Santa was kick-ass and not driving at 650 miles/sec for 31 hours straight making 822.6 household visits/sec in a sled weighing 353,000 tons which is what is required to deliver gifts to 378 million kids (15% of the total estimated 2 billion children population reduced to account for Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children).  There was confusion on lights in the woods - was it a hasher, was it the police - but in the end no one cared and once the goodies were gone the pack took a leisurely walk back to the cars.  If I was wearing GPS this is what the trail map would look like.  Coincidental?  I think not!<br/><br/>

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Figure 2: Trail Map<br/>
(That-s an upside-down 5 o'clock positioned penis!)<br/><br/>

This is where the magic happens (I tell Meat Wallet the same thing and point my finger towards our bed)!  Out came Donkey Claus-s big puffy robe and at circle people were able to complain.  About what you may ask?  Good question -I don-t remember and don-t feel like making things up.  Donkey Claus handed out beer to a handful of people in order to sway election rating results.  I-m sure there was discussion on moistness, WHO wasn-t bleeding, something else.  The two timer Just Dan was questioned and then nomination for hashit came up.  Amish got it - but only because he pointed out Just Pat brought technology on trail.  What BS.  But, seems like a fitting ending of punishment from Donkey Claus, that creepy Krampus looking dude with the hooves and stuff.  Not Pubic, she-s an angel.