Just Pat's Fucksboro Shit Show
Run 1726 April 8, 2019<br/>
Hare: Just Pat (aka The Butler Hit It)<br/>
Location: Patriot Place, Fucksboro MA<br/>
Weather: Somewhat pleasant after a rainy Sunday, Temps dropping to 45F<br/>
The Pack: OOzing, Basket, Fancy Pants, WIPOS, and Shits and Ladders, a Boston Hasher with a pickup truck that has a problem parking in the snow...remember? <br/><br/>
The Hare asked to lay this trail as it was to be listed on the BH3 Marathon Prelub Trail. Unfortunately, BH3 didn't get the word out and only one (other than the Hare) showed up for this shit-show. Okay, so you may say Basket always exaggerates and it couldn't have been that bad. Maybe yes, maybe no. You be the judge. 
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The trail was to start at the Cranberry Bog Parking Lot below and right of the Bass Pro Shop. At 6:10 I was parked beside the Hare's car, wondering where the pack and Hare was. Maybe they parked in the wrong lot. So I drove up to the main lot in front of the Bass PS and found WIPOS asleep in his car. I told him I was going down and waiting for the throngs of Hasher that was sure to be arriving soon. As I drove back Shits and Ladders arrived and we waited, and waited, and waited till it was getting close to 6:25. Finally, I went back to wake up WIPOS and write a note on the ground in chalk, explaining the directions to the start downhill. Then OOzing was seen pulling in. He drove down and back saying nobody was there, so he went in to buy a bottle of single malt, as insurance, just in case there was a cancellation of the nights activities. <br/><br/>
Back at the advertised Start Location, I waited with WIPOS, OOing, and Shits and Ladders, as Fancy Pants arrived. I broke into the Hare's car and we enjoyed some Trillium from one of 7 growlers the Hare stashed in the back of his car. It was an unfiltered 7.4 IPA, and just yummy. Suddenly, we saw a car coming from the opposite direction, where some boats had been stored. The car's emergency lights were flashing on it's roof and it headed in our direction. It was the security and informed us that he was going to close the lot in an hour, at sunset, and suggested we move to a different location. As he was driving away, the Hare was seen strolling from the same location the guard had cum from. No flour in hand and sort of skipping and whistling a happy tune. We informed him of the guard's suggestion, so we hid the Circle beer in the woods and drove up to where WIPOS had enjoyed his nap, then, about 6:35 we walked back down to where our cars had been previously parked to start from the beginning. After all, that was the advertised Start Location and we didn't want to disappoint the crowd that would surely be arriving soon.  
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OOzing decided to saunter into the woods and did not make the long walk back to the start. When the remaining 5 of us got back to where we had been not so very long ago, the Hare pulled out some chalk and explained the marks we'd be looking for. There was 3 marks forming a triangle for a check, or 3 marks in a row, or a circle, depending upon the Hare's discretion. 4 marks would be the Beer Stop, as well as a B marked on a tree. Three marks signified a true trail, as did arrows, and special V checks for exciting vistas. There may or may not be an X signifying a False Trail, and the Hare warned that he had layed a LOT of marks in a private property that we would not be going on tonight. Unfortunately, some of us found those marks, but more on that later.
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Finally, at 6:38PM, we started out promptly into the woods wherein we had hid the Circle Beer. We should have stopped there, but OOzing was out there somewhere and we didn't want him to be lonely. The trail worked its way through the bush, over downed trees and into some thick briers. This was a theme we'd be enjoying for sometime, as it turned out. Eventually, we made our way out to where we had parked our cars and crossed the lot, following the parking lots for Patriot Place. We continued under 2 overpass and eventually made it to the stadium, where we took a sharp right to what I can only describe a the small Sahara. Fancy Pants was standing on top of a VERY large pile of sand, taking pictures. I suppose he wanted to document he'd been there in the event he didn't survive the ordeal. Maybe he'll send a photo or two to add to this write-up. The Trail continue around the strip mall to a Check overlooking the previously mentioned Private Property Construction Site. I went down to see what animal was standing in a fenced off area, and was told by an employee, as he was leaving, that it was to discourage the geese from shitting on the new grass. He said it wasn't working. I then worked my way back where WIPOS was blowing his goD Damn'd horn, stopping at a fenced off catch basin, where I continued left of the fence, as the pack of 2 (WIPOS and the Hare) walked in the lot above me. As I neared the end of the fence, I spied OOzing. Relieved that he'd survived the initial part of the trail, I followed him left over a spillway as he called "OnON". <br/><br/>
The trail became even more obscure, if you can believe that, with some of the marks being less than an inch long, as if drawn by the Hare's finger, using his Orange Fluorescent Chalk. I'd like to say we found trail and made our way to the Beer Stop, but I can't. We lost tail as we found ourselves on the wrong side of a narrow sliver of the water flowing from the Cranberry Bog.<br/><br/>
Persistent to the end, I proceeded toward the Bog and then I heard Shits and Ladders calling "OnOn", so I ran out to the Cranberry Bog Trail and joined him. Looking behind I saw OOzing and called him On. At this point, trail went dramatically downhill, hard to believe, I know. The marks were found on almost every tree, but the size of the marks, as explained earlier, was so small that I wouldn't have seen them if I had TWO good eyes. Then, tragedy struck, as a branch, going under my glasses, got stuck in my good eye. It was, maybe an hour or two before I regained my vision (remember my exaggeration comment earlier) still, I continued onward. This part of the trail was almost entirely in bush, and the sun had set some time ago. If I hadn't brought my torch, I'd be fucked. The little orange slash was now even more invisible, unless you had a direct shine of light on it. I was far in the lead, or so I thought, and continued calling "OnOn" Soon, WIPOS returned my call and the two of us continued working our way through the thorny underbrush. Eventually we came to an old stockade fence with flour on it. It looked so familiar. Then WIPOS said, we've been here before and there's a railroad tie crossing a stream ahead. As I was ahead of him, I found the steam and that fucking railroad tie. We called "RU" just as the pack of 4 behind us made us 6. The Hare was a little confused and we just started Bush-whacking towards a lighted parking area off in distance. Soon I found one of the little fluorescent orange smears on a tree and called the pack OnOnward. Eventually I found the beer and we all rejoiced and enjoyed the plentiful beer and snacks. The Hare expected a crowd and packed enough beer and snacks that would have satisfied a pack of a hundred. Some songs were sung and a selection of single, double and triple Trillium was enjoyed with some spicy popcorn, nuts and pretzels. After some time, and after considerable discussion, it was decided to hold the Circle here. As it was not protocol, but the precedent was set on the very last Just Pat Hash a few weeks ago. We all agreed and proceded to rate the Hash. I think we just wanted to get it over.<br/><br/>
The comments were long and labored however, and most everyone thought it was a Shit-Show, including the Hare. It was inevitable, the rating was negative, but the comments were surprisingly positive. Overall, we were all glad it was over, although, Fancy Pants did say, "We aren't in yet." And so, after enjoying the beer and munchies, we continued on. We struggled though the bush and finally made it out to those boats and the original start without any major injuries. We picked up the beer, that had been ditched in the woods, and made our way back to the cars without having to explain our being in the 'coned off' area to the guard. Then we traveled to the Chieftains for some liver and onions. Well, at least I did, and then we all made our way home.