Run # 1763<br/>
When: December 23, 2019<br/>
RIH3 Hashmas 2019<br/>
Weather: Cold with complaints about no snow by the Hashit, until he finds ice on trail and almost breaks his arse.<br/>
Where: The Lodge Pub & Eatery<br/>
Hares: Oozing and secret co-hare Angry Crotch<br/>
Hashers - Rusty, Dr. WHO, Crotchy, PG, WIPOS, Basket, Dog Meat, Pubic Housing, Hamster in the Tailpipe, Amishit Head, Meat Wallet and Lil'Amish.<br/><br/>



Arriving 15 min early I discovered a bunch of cars but no hashers as they were uncharacteristically enjoying a pint inside despite the warm weather. I cracked a beer better than any of that which they had inside and prepared for trail. They spilled out with tales of TWO hares just in time to sample the delicious beer and do a quick chalk talk where we
learned that Meat-Wallet is not an empty wallet! Marks were advertised as normal but with a W/E check which we were told was not weekend but Whisk[e]y/Eggnog. We promptly set off to find trail which was uncharacteristically not across the road in Lincoln Woods but instead went straight behind The Lodge.<br/><br/>

Conditions were a mix of mud and ice which was a bit dangerous but not horrible. Someone managed to haul a pile of cinder blocks and bricks into the forest which is either insane or part of a future project. False trails were marked as such which should have helped keep pack together but it still turned into a general free-for-all. Cutting from a false to trail I ran into a fawn that froze in my blinding cranium lamp but it spooked just as my phone took a blank picture. Moving right
along, it was warm enough to remove my sweatshirt and some time later established that I lost my whistle in  that maneuver.<br/><br/>

After barely a mile of trail directly away from The Lodge we came upon the whisk[e]y/eggnog check which had no whisk[e]y - only premixed eggnog (which included brandy) but had the bonus of gingerbread person cookies. Not interested in such an abomination of a drink I ate a cookie and set off to find trail. Craniuming out straight I came to a marked false in
earshot of a waterfall which I went to check out before returning to the check. Marking it in the only direction plausible the reverse angle revealed a plaque on a giant boulder. It was dedicated in 1984 to a lady who helped the cub scouts but, alas, while I was able to make a Pokestop submission, those photos weren't saved so her name is lost to me (until
we surely return). In the meantime, pack established that there was no valid trail from the check as the hares neglected to lay a check on the marked false trail. The hares fixed trail and kindly waited to make sure I followed.<br/><br/>

After less than another half mile continuing directly away from The Lodge we found the beer which comprised of Lagunitas IPA and All Day IPA. 'Orange food' was pretzels and peanuts which did not get much appreciation. Songs included multiple renditions of The Weather Outside is Frightful and some spontaneous 12-days version that managed to hit multiple levels of offensiveness. Beer was barely gone and everyone wanted to get back; possibly as they all realized it was not a short
journey back. Little did anyone realize - apparently the hares didn't like the idea of a buttplug trail and thus we a began a 2+ mile trek back looping around with lots of random turning and shifting on trail and thanking the co-hare for doubling up on marks.<br/><br/>

I was first convinced that we weren't on a new out trail as some marks were only visible in reverse but soon realized that we were indeed on a new jaunt and resigned my whistle to the forest forever (don't bring anything to the hash you're not willing to lose). I believe more hashers slipped/fell on the out trail than the in trail. After some time paralleling 146 we came up to a YMCA(?) field where the only mark was in a divot and had to be pointed out by the co-hare. There was a pen (for kids?) that we tossed lost/found balls into. Following no marks, the co-hare claimed that the hare thought marks weren't necessary as 'everyone will know where they're going' and led us to a true trail out. While I got swept, apparently most of pack did shortcut up to circle rock while the three-ish of us followed trail to the pond just below
circle rock. The hashers on the rock were waiting, calculating until I ventured on the ice - shouting encouragement until I actually ventured out but then shouting not to do so and thus I retreated and went around. <br/><br/>

Beer was brought out and I got a Captain's Daughter that wasn't stale so things were looking up. Comments on trail generally focused on out trail being longer than the journey to the beer. There were a number of backsliders who need to show their faces more often. Basket apparently came across my whistle and reluctantly returned it; I got hash shit for
that, venturing on the ice, and some other infraction that escapes me. My song was shortcut by the hare which seems ironic given the out trail. <br/><br/>

Lots of baked goods were then exchanged in the lot. I offered the rest of my Capt Daughter to Basket who took offense and dumped it out. (Editors note: "it was all spittle.") Some folks departed but I forget just Who; the rest of us ventured into The Lodge.<br/><br/>

We had our usual table by the fireplace with the room to ourselves. I got some popcorn and chatted with our traditional waitress about the lack of patrons for us to disturb and she asked where my kilt was (shockingly I forgot it). Bringing the popcorn to the table I was informed that the hashers were instructed that previously they had made too much of a mess with the popcorn and we weren't supposed to have any. I reminded everyone of the story I had heard where Basket had been
thrown out for singing in the past so I figured we'd be OK - especially without anyone else in the room to disturb. Getting more popcorn our traditional waitress didn't seem to think we were banned from the popcorn but, in any case, folks seemed to uncharacteristically generally behave themselves. I learned that the Lodge is 25 years old and Bondo helped build the bar. He's on the hare line for December 30th New Year's Hash so I'm sure he'll be willing to tell stories but, alas, I will be even more out of town then usual.<br/><br/>

Yankme Swap included a lot of sitting on Basket's lap, Malort and Captain's Daughter, a dildo box without a dildo, and other assorted crap. Due to the long circle and Yankme Swap it was uncharacteristically late and I abandoned the half minds until 2020.<br/><br/>

Trail map and pictures:<br/>
https://www.strava.com/activities/2952492599<br/><br/>

Sincerely yours,<br/>
Mrs Dopefire<br/><br/>

P.S. Basket's email address on the website has a typo - it reads basket@rih3.comt - I offer this up as a nomination for hash shit on Bondo's trail<br/>
P.P.S And another nomination for this week's hares for that out trail<br/>
<br/>
<a><image src="http://rih3.com/Images/hashmas2019.jpg"> <a/> <br/>
Where was Holeminer's Daughter.<br/>