Run #1817: The Longest Night and Shittiest Trail Hash<br/>
Date: Dec 21 2020<br/>
Where: The Monastery<br/>
Hare: Pussy Galore and Crotch Tiger
Hashers: Basket, Wipos, Oozing, Butler, Donkey Punch, Pubic Housing, Rusty<br/>
Hashit: Just the Tip<br/><br/> 

I arrived behind the monastery to find a bunch of old farts drinking eggnog and eating cranberry bread. While waiting for the hair I had a delicious slice of the bread and a fine slog of the nog myself. The hair appeared down the parking lot at maybe 6:20 telling us we were parked in the wrong location and should have been next to her car. Alas she relented and moved her car to join us. As more hashers arrived, we got caught away with our prehash libations and did not start till 6:32!<br/><br/>
Trail began over ten inches of slushy snow and was marked in plain baking flour. The contrast between the two was so good you only needed one of those fancy million candle power lamps to distinguish the two. Unfortunately, I left my fancy mountain bike lights at home and was running with my back up camping headlamp.<br/><br/>
After the starting arrow and a mark on the snow which the hare pointed out to me I saw nothing, and this was still under the lights of the parking lot. Eventually some hashers in the decorated Christmas tree forest to my left called on and I dashed over to them. Amongst the lights of the trees I actually found it harder to see due to the glare so I started looking toward trees on the outside of the field where I spotted my second mark of the night. This one led us paralleling the road back to the main street. Of course, I couldn't make out any marks in the snow so I was quickly passed by those who could. Only to leapfrog them again when the marks were back on trees.<br/><br/>
Almost to the main road the trail turned 90 degrees left and went into the woods. There was a check somewhere in the snow I missed before this and so when I lost flour again I bushwhacked over to those who had cut into the woods before me. Another check or two and we were running through the woods back exactly the direction we came but on the opposite side of the road...brilliant haring! In fact, it was such brilliant haring that the hares were waiting at the next check along the road to laugh at our detour to nowhere.<br/><br/>
From here the trail went past the cars and deep into the woods of the monastery. Rusty and I were the only two ahead of the pack but I was almost useless for clearing checks unless the flour was on trees. Luckily whenever Rusty chose right at a check it wasn't too bad a bushwhack to get back to him at least at first; and, when I chose right there were long straight fire roads with marks I could see on the trees.<br/><br/>
I was leading when the trail hit a two-way split and putting my nose to the snow I could make out the check. I chose left and saw nothing, Rusty went right and was just as vocal about seeing nothing for a long time. There being no one else around I laid a check of my own in yellow snow. It was quite well-made and at least by my light close enough to the tint of the flour to make for some good confusion. Alas, Rusty found the trail in the other direction and I doubt I tripped anyone up.<br/><br/>
At this point I was so far away from Rusty and the pack that I decided the trail has to be a giant counter-clockwise circle and I just bushwhacked to the highest hill to the left of where I could hear rusty yelling. Up the hill I saw I had to run down and up another hill at least between myself and any trail. I waited until the flashes of others' fancy million candle power lights gave up their direction and then set off. It was a lot of work trudging and high stepping through the snow but on the next ridge I was rewarded. At its peak I could hear Rusty calling out another check and make out his light checking a path to the right again. Continuing with the counterclockwise theory I bushwhacked left to the top of the next ridge and hit a trail on it clearly leading back to Rusty's check. I ran it back towards the check while looking for flour on the backs of trees only to meet with Rusty running back to me. He sweared and he swore that he wouldn't deceive me and there was no flour in any other direction so I turned around and we ran on. By the time I saw two marks with my light Rusty had called out at least five and was now proceeding to make fun of my little lights dim glow.<br/><br/>
Did I mention this was a long trail? At the next check trail bore left and I swore I heard the hares calling on. I couldn't find the flour though so I wandered aimlessly till Butler came through with a bright light of his own. We soon hit the hares who probably had called me just moments earlier and with them found another check. Left had paid all night so I went left again. Trail was found to the right. Seeing another trail going right after the pond I had just ran past I decided to find whether it would merge back up. Unfortunately, it was just a loop around the little pond so I split off it and started another bushwhack.<br/><br/>
Bushwhack number three now, and this was the best yet. There was a river immediately to my left so I knew the hashers would be bound by it unless a bridge appeared. I could also see a field next to the river and hopefully there would be a trail next to the river as people are apt to cut. If I could only get past the little stream flowing from this pond on my right to the river on my left. I went up stream till I saw snow and briars rather than water then went for the crossing. Picking my way through the pricks I did manage to keep my feet dry in the crossing. However, it turned out the field I had seen was a large briar patch buried in thigh high snow. After 50 feet of that I broke through to a trail by the river, and I could make lights out farther down to the right.<br/><br/>
The lights called me on so where I could see the snow was lower, I skipped over to them. Behind the lights I found the hares on trail for a turd time. They pointed the way and trail continued parallel to the river for a long way. Eventually, I saw who else (not who) but Rusty once again looking for trail at a check up ahead. He had gone straight and left looked wet so I went right which luckily enough was marked with gobs of flour right at head level on all the trees (where it should have been placed the whole trail). The flour kept taking me uphill to the quarry overlook where I saw the BN, then the B. From the B I followed the hare's footsteps to two cans of Trulia....pitiful. It was so pitiful in fact that none of us could believe it and continued to search for actual beer until the hares finally arrived with it, brilliant haring once again.<br/><br/>
Beer was drunk, I had a Captain's Daughter myself, the hare's cookies were eaten, and many Christmas time hash songs were sung. There was a beautiful Christmas tree just on the precipice of the quarry if anyone wants a Christmas vacation style tree hunt next year. Out of beer out of here was the call and we all started the long march back to our cars with tunes of Santafication and men in women's underwear playing in our heads.<br/><br/> 
At circle PG and Crotchy received ratings which I don't think had much of anything to do with the final total of .69. Perhaps it was the bribe of free longest night shittiest trail shirts which skewed the rating. Down downs were done and the group moved on to selecting hash shit. I was chosen as the dimmest witted for having the dimmest lit headlamp.<br/>
Just the Tip