Basket Squeezes out his 500th

Run # 554 January 13, 1997

Hare: Basket Boom Boom

by Snot

Emerald Square in the northern part of Rhode Island was the start of what was to be Basket BB’s 500th run, attendance was the best this year with twelve idiots plus two late comers, which were Basket BB, Async, Bondo, Jake, Little Neck, Plume, Sajid, Rusty, Krisco Kid, SEO, Ate Balls and yours truly Snot, plus our latecomers Piece of Tail and Horny Stump. An expectant crowd were not to be disappointed, only by the fact that Basket wanted the whole of the square to know it was his 500th by trying to erect a sign using a handkerchief two bits of string and some matchsticks, this reminded me of Blue Peter. (only the British contingent will understand this) Consequently the run was delayed 15 minutes whilst Basket amused himself as nobody else was interested, Sajid at this point made a couple of calls on the old cellphone.

Rusty thinking this was a Newport run marked the start in the wrong direction and wrote the wrong time we really must get you a minute hand for your Mickey Mouse watch one day, Rusty then proceeded to blow his whistle, I don’t know how he gets his head down that far, but the pack was off looking for red chalk which only the hare could see, with Async already lost carving his own trail the hare gave us all some help at the first few checks not wishing to piss off or lose such a good turnout as the best or worst was yet to come. It was not long before we settled down to a track running along side one assumes was the 295 with water on the left and snow underfoot. It was not long before the pack came across the first circle jerk which took the less intelligent ones through briar, the brighter sparks which included the Plume, Ate Balls and myself doubled back to the hares horny sound, the now familiar wet fart of a bugle.

Another couple of miles of twists and turns until we came across the first stop, hot chocolate with butterscotch schnapps to warm our cockles in the 20 degree F conditions, at least it made up for the cider on Baskets previous run. On out was a loop back onto a road past some gobsmacked plods (police) in wheels through a pit area where Rusty found out he still can’t play Batmans sidekick as he was unable to fly over a steep 20 ft drop, instead landing on a thin layer of snow finishing up sitting on his brain, fortunately he was not hurt, but he is of Irish descent, that is no sense no feeling!

The second stop which this time had beer was taken behind a large rock away from the prying eyes of plod and if Horny Stump had not been busy poking Piece of Tail he might of heard us. Sajid’s portable vibrator again went off and he quickly put it into his shorts, not to deaden the sound but to feel the full benefit of the AT&T buzz. On off and with no shiggy the previous two weeks expectation was high and we were not to be disappointed, however after running for over two hours a battery stop would have been useful as flashlights were getting low all round, with ice cold shiggy the only way home, cold it was with Basket laughing all the way-you bastard.

The pack truly stretched out all we had was the sound of that bloody bugle to follow which a lot of us wanted to insert further up! Eventually Emerald Square lights in view we worked our way back to the cars the last hurdle being a fence. I followed Basket and Async through a small hole in the fence the only problem being my well built body got wedged in, finally releasing myself with a quick fart, I removed the Hashshit and tried again with Async pissing himself offering no help at all, just remember Async, Snot will have his revenge.

Eventually all returned to meet our latecomers Horny stump and Piece of Tail who had been very close to catching the pack-tough luck try again next week, Sajid again on his bloody cellphone directing incision guides for his patients circumcision which apparently went wrong, the poor chap will be surprised to see he will need hormone tablets to grow tits to match his lower half. Circle up continued even though Sajid was on line as this was true brass monkey weather. Usual ceremonies performed with the Plume doing a fine job on his down down to make up for the dreadful mistake of referring to us in his article as the Harriets. Marks for the run came out at just above average for this year at 1.3 the high mark being given for variety of terrain in difficult conditions, Basket had a special down down to commemorate his 500th run-where were the T-shirts! Eventually Sajid’s battery run out and he was duly awarded the Hashshit, for such a serious offense, I feel a handle coming on “Dick to Phone” I use my finger personally. Actually Sajid invented the tin cans and string communication when he was a boy and never got out of the habit of stringing people along. The on-on was at an establishment in the Attleboro area where Basket had a huge champagne bottle to celebrate his achievement. Do it yourself sarnies and Krisco Kid thought it was going to be the last time he ate, the only thing restricting any more food going in between the bread was the floor and the ceiling! Another memorable evening at the Rhode Island Hash.

On-On

Snot (36th Run in RI)

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