Basket Burns New Territory
Run # 556 January 26, 1997
Hare: Basket Boom Boom
Hashit: Basket Boom Boom
by Snot
The venue was just off the Pound Hill exit for our Burns celebratory run, Basket being the hare dressed in apparel suited to the occasion had the best set of curtains I have seen turned into a kilt, with the Rhode Island sporran of hashshit and a matching tit for tat (hat), in true Scottish fashion Basket's under carriage was open to the elements, but Jack Frost would not have had much to chew on as mildew was already present. Attendees included Async, Hopeless (welcome back), Plume, Sajid, Itchy Brother and yours truly.
A nip of the amber nectar sent was had by all prior to the on-on being called, down the drive and the pack immediately dividing into two groups both going in the wrong direction until the hare blew the now famous raspberry to indicate that the trail was into the woods, the cold evening of 23 degrees F kept the pace brisk, a couple of crafty checks found yours truly way out in front which is unusual at this stage of the game, burning the trail for all of two minutes before another cunning check near some private property caught us all out, it was not long before the hare got cold waiting for the sniveling hounds meandering around looking for scent, signaled the trail onto another check which again sent the pack into a spin, eventually the only route was down the road with local residents looking out to think the local asylum must have had another breakout, or maybe an older version of Mel Gibson acting out the American modern day version of ‘Braveheart’.
Down the road for half a mile before entering woods again, just before the men in white coats turned up. Before long the first stop was made with refreshment being fine scotch malt which tasted sweeter than normal due to the fact the container had been kept in the hashshit, Sajid was most put out and wanted to dial up the local health official until he was told it was an offense to use a cellphone on the run and could result in Sajid getting back the honored prize. On down hill with the hare losing his bearings slightly due to the consumption of by now two bottles of scotch. Checks were getting difficult to see with the pack running on like a pile of dickheads being led by Hopeless who had just got to the front and was having difficulty staying there after a two week absence, obviously sucking tit for the last 5-6 weeks has rendered the poor chap with poor vision, or has it been all that wanking! Everybody else was following so were all the runners wankers?
Another scotch stop with few volunteers for a quick nip, a cunning set of marks leading up the rock face an easy climb for we experts, until being called on down to the true trail. Past a fire tower which is apparently alarmed to stop anyone from walking away with it, onto the true beer check with cream stout being offered to all, by far the best grog of the year turning this near disastrous run of the day into a successful event. The on back was straight forward with yours truly finishing in gold medal position, another rare event.
All runners back the circle up was held in the garage of bike mechanic Keith, where Basket again recited the Pumpkin song in an accent that can only be an attempt at Scottish which sounded like a pissed Irishman trying to imitate a Welshman singing whilst screwing a sheep. During the circle up Sajid immediately picked up a ringing phone which was not his, shouting I did not perform the operation last week, until he realized the call was a local hells angel not wanting to have his chain pulled. The run was eventually rated as 6.9, probably overrated due to the absence of shiggy, usual ceremonies completed it was on to the grub. The on-on was back at Basket's house where haggis was the order of the day. Congratulations to Dogmeat for a great job, the Burns poem was read in an almost Scottish accent. Plenty of fine scotch, beer and ice-cream hence I have to upgrade the run overall to a 9.5, as ice-cream is always worth an extra mark or two, for imagination. Tapes were watched from recent inter hashes where Basket believes he saw Dogbird on the screen, it was actually Batman and Robin but that’s what too much scotch does. The failure of inoperational bagpipes I am afraid takes the run rating back down to -2.9 which is just above average for the year. The consensus was this could be a great venue for a summer run, great job. Good time had by all.
On-On
Snot (38th Run in RI)