Labia Day Run
Run # 587 September 1, 1997
Hare: Oozing
Hashit:: Oozing
by Tinker
Where the F**k was Little Neck? and Bondo? and Beyond Hope? And Snotty, Long Dong ,PW, Short Peck, Baby Doc, the Fat One - ? and of course, where were the C**ts? Short-Shorts was it. Where's Smegs? Shine-On? Dog Meat? Sweet Molasses? What happened to the two wimmin archaeologists from Brown, you remember the one who discovered the remains of the first RI Hash at Bell Pond?
OK, now listen up, this is serious. When you needed the Hash, we were there for you. Now where are YOU?? The Necker is lost in lust, Bondo thinks more of Jake than he does the Hash, and Beyond Hope is, well, plainly beyond hope.
So next Monday we're showing up on one of your doorsteps, and if you don't have a run ready to go, we drink all the piss in your fridge, sodomize the family pet, and Basket runs around the house, and your neighbor's houses, naked and yelling "WOW, THAT'S REALLY GOOD S**T YOU'RE SELLING!"
We should have done that at the Necker's, except the only pets he has are cockroaches, and the DEM was smart enough to keep him away from neighbors. Instead we just helped ourselves to (his) fresh garden produce and had the On-On-On there. Oozing brought out the remains of several birds that had got stuck in some yellow goo that he left by the street overnight. He called it chicken marinated in curry sauce. When grilled, though, the birds were amazingly good, especially when washed down with plenty of cold piss. Oozing was also thoughtful enough to provide an O'Doul's for Short Shorts, as she is still drying out. And Oozing also has a clever way of bringing the On-On-On to a quick close. "Here's some betel nut stuff, wrapped in tinfoil, that I brought back from Houston last night. Nobody in Houston could choke it down, but I know you guys will eat anything." Just before he retched onto the Necker's lawnmower, Async said "tastes - umm - kind of like the - uh - pink soap you get in men's - ughh - toilets."
The run? The usual great run that stuffed up Async and Basket just before the On-In. The On-Out was past the 155mm field gun of the Cumberland War Memorial, left into miles of woods with an imaginative assortment of checks which after 45 minutes led up to a scenic overlook cum beer stop at the edge of a HUGE quarry. All the RI landmarks were identified by Async and Basket, e.g., the East Providence water tower, the top of the Banc Boston tower, the bottom of the pit, Basket's swollen member, fascinating.
The second half of the run was unrelenting drizzle, acres of poison ivy for the short-cutting bastards (yours truly), and no Async at all. Basket and his stupid horn disappeared at the power lines, and from then on the run was incredibly pleasant. On-In after 1:15 for the hare, followed by two unknown joggers, Short-Shorts, a Boston Terrier, Tinker, and fifteen minutes later, Basket and Async.
Well done Oozing, a 0.69 on any scale.
ON-ON
Tinker