Run # 639 August 24, 1998
Hare: Evil Bitch
Write-up by:
Basket Boom Boom
The Start:
Portsmouth Boat Yard
Evil Bitch, as she is appropriately known in the Newport Hash, no longer
confused as Sweet Adorable, volunteered as Hare for the RIH3 in Portsmouth.
Right at the Dunkin Donuts on 114 to the Boat Yard. Simple enough
directions, but right from the start we should have anticipated trouble.
The Hare had this deliciously evil smile on her face as she sent her co-hare
Bush Yaaker off with a bag of flour…straight uphill. Minutes later
we were on trail following the bastard, but EB was waiting at the cars,
possibly for latecumers (we thought), but as we found out much later, for
us to return from our climb back downhill. It was a circle jerk falsie
and everyone was caught by the ruse.
I caught up with Bondo and Tinker who happened to catch a ride with latecumer Oozing at the top of the hill and all three were following the tracks at the bottom on right. I searched the road leading right and found WIPOS and Dr Quim, but no flour. Then I traveled on the left road and into a parking lot, which led to the beach and flour along the barnacle, incrusted rocks. Oozing led the pack, which was minus Tinker, Bondo, and WIPOS, along the rocks, across a swampy field and onto the RR Tracks, which led past the wide-eyed Park Police. A beer stop was found under the overpass, and here the pack and very latecumer Cheap Licker soon joined EB, Yaaker, Dr.Quim, and Ooozing imbibing the precious liquid.
The hares warned of the soon fading light and suggested quick bottoms up. We were back on trail (?), through mild thickets and swampy ground. Cheap Licker thought she would take the easy route across the parking lot…Oops! That wasn’t tar, it was slush, and she was soon up to her crotch…Who said that? I’ll have some of that.
Pulled from the primordial ooze, she and the small band of idiots ran along looking for little flour and even less surveyor’s tape placed close to the trunk on trees so we couldn’t see it…smart!
We blindly made our way across a ravine, down a gorge, and into a stream, where we finally found flour and continued on trail. We came upon a large culvert. Couldn’t go around it, Couldn’t go under it. So we went ‘through, it through it, through it”. We pooped out the second culvert and wound up on the bank of a reservoir. Beer was soon found, and a very rested Bondo Jovi, Tinker (bell), RIPTA, and Bush Yaaker. They had driven there, and had already imbibed a couple by the time we showed up at Beer Stop #2 complete with Bondo Brew.
By now the sun was well below the horizon, and what little light we had would not penetrate the woods we soon entered following this beer break. The 4 idiots: Basket, Oozing, Cheap and Dr.Quim ran along what seemed like a path or clearing to bush and brambles. Deeper we traveled, like rats in a maze bumping into things in the night we shouldn’t have been near. Eventually we decided the biggest idiot was Basket, who thought he remembered the area from years ago, and led the Lemmings along their sorry trek.
All arrived back on the road well scraped and bruised, and ran along Rte 114 back to the start. We checked Cheap’s map and found the Hare’s house was the first street we passed after exiting the woods. With little effort or time we hopped into our cars and drove to the OnOn.
A circle was formed and many excuses were told of why we did what we
did and to whom, but the hares that led us into the deep dark forest with
no lights offered little respite. RIPTA did ask if anyone had a flashlight
at the start, but even after we replied in the negative, she let us go
anyway. As Sweet Adorable, she could have said, “Since you don’t
have lights, and it is very dark, and you might lose an eye or your life
in the woods, why don’t you just run along the road to my house.”
Instead she let us run into the “Slaughter at Portsmouth”. Cheap
lost her earring, Ooozing lost his nerve, Dr. Quim lost his innocence and
I lost my respect for all the other hashers that rode with Bondo to the
OnOn, and all of us lost much flesh to the briars and branches that waited
like scorpions in a sleeping bag.
At the circle some non-running fucks showed up. These included
Nippy, Double Flush, Six Places To Put It Bob Hope, and Barbie. Down
Downs were justly administered and we went inside for the best food we’ve
had all week. Since we are evidently really stupid people, we all agreed
it was a good hash and we all had a good time. Maybe some day we’ll
grow up and not do stupid things………….Naaahhhhh!
Thanks EBRIPTA and Yaaker. Real shitty trail.
Basket Boom Boom
Double Flush's Whining Rebuttal:
Hey, Basket, what's up with this???
>
> "...At the circle some non-running fucks showed
up. These included
> Nippy, Double Flush, Six Places To Put It Bob
Hope, and Barbie. Down
> Downs were justly administered and we went
inside for the best food
> we've had all week...."
>
> I was reading your trash from Ripta's run in
Portsmouth thinking,
> "Gee, Basket's mentioning everyone during the
run but me." Then I get
> to the bottom of the trash (finally) and see
that I'm mentioned as a
> non-running fuck. I ran with youz guyz!!
I ran the dang check backs,
> the beach, and every single bad trail there
was up to beer stop #1. I
> was one of the people who got a ride from Oozing
back to the start and
> one of the "well-rested" people who caught
a ride from Bondo at beer
> stop #2.
>
> No, I'm not whining, I just thought I had become
suddenly invisible
> that night and want to figure out what it was
I did so that I could
> repeat it and make myself invisible again.
That kind of skill could
> come in handy, you know.
>
> Not a non-running fuck but a car-hashing wanker,
> Flushy
>
> PS: But don't worry, I still love you
anyway... (again)
>
Webmaster's Note: Double Flush, you
naive little harriette! Since when did the truth
become a required part of any hash write-up?
We, in the small, but proud Rhode Island
Hash reserve the right to impugn the reputations
of any whimpering harriers or harriettes
we choose. Besides, how dare you
question the integrity and virtue of a fine, upstanding
senior citizen like Basket Boom Boom?
So what if he's a little forgetful now and then....
he deserves our pity.....rumour has it he hasn't
had a blow job in years! He's not in Rumson,
after all!