Hare: Basket Boom Boom
Write-up by: Basket Boom Boom
The Start:
Club 66, Greenville
This just in...
The Academy of Hash Awards has just announced their list of
Greatest Hashes.
It may cum to no surprise that one of our own has received
this prestigious
recognition of his hard work, intelligence and generosity.
It isn't just a
coincidence that this award is delivered on Chinese Lunar
Year of the Hare.
Basket Boom Boom is Hare of the Year and this past hash on
March 1, 1999, he
received Hash of the Year of his Year of the Hare Hash.
And now... "The Year of the Hare Hash"
The hare (Basket
BoomBoom) arrived wearing an expensive and eye catching
hare outfit.
Joining our award winning Basket were, in alphabetical order:
Async,
Bondo
Jovi, Buster (GM), Cheap Licker, Cinderella
(Canadian Hasher), Hurling
Dick,
Jake, Krisco Kid, Nippoleon, Oozing Syph, Shine On, and
WIPOS
(Hashit).
The Hare gave careful and complete directions to the
pack that listened to
his every word, and then he pointed the way to the
start. Bondo, Jake, and
Buster
started well ahead of everyone else but
were soon caught by the pack as they
searched, in vain, for the elusive
trail. Krisco, Cheap, and Cinderella
arrived at this time, and with their
help, the pack found flour heading up
the first of many cliffs. Shiggy
was found at the top, and as the rain had
stopped just a few hours before the
hash, there would be much more in the
future for this lucky band of misfits.
The trail meandered over a sandpit, through an old landfill, and out
into a
heavy-forested area. The trail seemed almost manicured, and the marks
were
so well laid, it was almost impossible to get lost...but some tried
harder than
others. Krisco was found scratching his bare legs with briars,
Cheap was
wondering through high scrub brush without a flashlight, and
Async
and Bondo
were fighting for DFL (deaf fucking last place) off on a side
trail. As all
trails make there way out to the street, this one did also,
but for just a
short time, as flour was discovered across the street in a
newly built
expensive development area. We were soon back in the woods, this
hash was
like a finely tuned piano. Just the right mix of hills and valley,
dry and
wet lands, woods and street. Everyone was enjoying themselves,
even Shine On
(she's a screamer, you know) who was so delighted with Baskets
trail, she
was soon moaning with ecstasy.
The pack found
themselves climbing over many "Glacier Nuggets" and valley's
before
cuming out in the Highland Memorial Park. It was a beautiful setting
amid
the now decomposed flesh, and manicured lawns. Hurling was heard saying
that
he wished the Newport Hash could lay trial this good. Then down again
through
another forest and out someone's back yard. We were then on a
combination of
paved streets and off road trails until we found a check on
Rte 44 in
Centerdale, RI. Bondo, always looking for the hardest and
longest
way, decided to take Buster along the Highway, as the rest of the
pack weaved
its way behind Wallgreen's, and onto an abandoned rail bed.
A well placed check
sent those with a greater intelligence across a swollen
backwash of the
Winaquatusket and on Beer. Well, no so quickly, as they had
to re-cross
further upstream, and found beer finally on the rail bed.
Async, Cheap, Cinderella, and another mindless soul passed the
"B" mark and
continued on for several hundred feet before thinking
that they may have
gone to far. Bass Ale was enjoyed by all, except Bondo,
who was last seen dodging
cars along Putnam Pike. A few songs were enjoyed
as the beer went down
deliciously, and a warm breeze carried our voices out
of the forest to an
admiring crowd.
Some started out after finishing
their beer, and following Async, lost trail
and joined
Bondo on the highway,
while Cheap and Krisco, with
Basket doing
sweep, followed behind the factory,
crossing not one, but 2 industrial
walkways over the river, and out to a ball
park. Then it was back into the
woods, along the river, and through a gate
into the Smithfield Water and
Septic Plant. After going through two more
holes in fences, we crossed a t
foot deep feeder brook, along streets and up
a sharp rock cliff before
finding
their way back to the
cars.
Down-downs were given to the hare for a great run, to the
visitor
Cinderella, Hashit went to Bondo for missing the Beer Stop, and a
swing low brought the
circle to a close. We adjourned inside to more beer
and food. Basket had
decorated our private room with many hare decorations
and candy, and
needless to say, a good time was had by all. It is no
wonder this hare wins awards
year after year.
Congratulations Basket...well done, again!
**********************************************
Rebuttal from Shine On:
Lies! Lies!! and more bullsh*t than you could stuff into that
puffy-fabric
penis you tried to suffocate me with!!!
Down on the hare!
Ooops I mean down with the hare!
We'll see who tells the truth about next
weekend...
OnON!
ShineOn "I was born to hash through Betty Ford"
Harvard Moon
PS - I got the magnifying glasses - they may even make Basket's
shriven
little appendage visible to the naked eye ;-)
*********************************************
Rebuttal from Tinker:
Hullo all,
Further to Shine On's Lies!, Lies!!, and More Lies!!!
I
now have the facts on "The Year of the Hare" "run" from
Cinderella, and
this is on very good authority as Canucks never lie. (At
least I am so
informed by Dribble Dick, and he never lies.) I
quote:
"Ran the 'Year of the Hare' hash with the RI HHH on Monday
night. Basket
was suffering from a severe case of dementia as a result of a
wanking
accident in which his hand flew off the handle and whacked a frontal
lobe. Left side. He was under the delusion that he had laid an
award-winning run, when actually he
had just wandered aimlessly around
in Smithfield, staggered into a cliff
and up several large hills, and then
fell several times into a dioxin
riddled river.
"Thank God, one
of the hashers from Newport recognized the neighbourhood as
his grandmother's
so we were able to abandon the 'trail' for the last one
third of the 'run'.
Instead, we cruised the roads the way back to point
A. About 6 of us got
back about 15 minutes before the pack, so we had
lots of beers in the bar to
try to forget the first two-thirds of this
horrible 'run'. When I got back
home, I burned my RI Hash T-shirt."
There you have an unbiased
eye-witless account of the (hah!)
award-winning run.
Now, onto
another of Basket's delusions. Cinderella continued:
"Unfortunately,
Basket rounded us up for the down-downs. He asked me
three questions during
down-downs as my initiation as a visitor. The
first one was who connected me
with the RI Hash. When I told Basket you
had landed the Laos work, he was
pretty confident you hadn't. Basket
asked when I last spoke to you. I
indicated about 3 weeks earlier which
still didn't seem to persuade him
otherwise. Not sure why he was so
adamant that you were coming back to
stay."
I can tell you why. The only good hash is a hash where over
50% of its
members are unemployed, and in the case of the RI Hash,
unemployable. OK,
we have few black sheep like Async and Wipos. (Oozing just
carries around
a mobile phone.) We have a great hash in RI, and Basket tries
to keep it
that way (unemployed) by sending anonymous letters to employers,
describing the hash employee's pedophile tendencies. Basket doesn't have
a clue as to how I get paid (neither do I), so for the record, Laos is
on. (Well, it's as certain as anything ever gets around here.) I expect
to be deployed to Vientiane in June for two or three years. There is the
Vientiane Saturday Hash, the Monday Bush Hash, and across the Mekong
River is a new hash in Udorn. (You on, Necker?)
Thitiya and I will
return to RI on 18 March, returning to Bangkok on 20
May. (Pliz put us on
the hareline, Mist'r.) Hope Basket gets better, but
a left-side injury is
considered serious. Condolences to Dog Meat,
although she's probably used to
anything by this time.
Tinker & Short-Shorts