Blackstone Bum Rush 

 Run # 804  October 1, 2001

Hare:   WIPOS

Scribe:  PW

Where:   East Providence Docklands

The Weather60’s, beautiful sunset, darkness follows

Present: Shine On, Dr WHO, Everready (her first named run), Enema Bill (LAM), PW, Bodhisattva Bondo, WIPOS , and a foul smell

For Sale:  Bondo's Dignity

Hashit: Enema Bill-Look At Me (By voice vote, if that counts)

Management: Baxter, Zoe, Ben, Jake

Things were looking sorry when 6:30 rolled around. The first Monday in October, a convenient location, but no Oozing or Async to join the pack. The famous FRBs were absent from the Hash, meaning that we would have to run the checks ourselves. That running skill, which would be looked down upon by other hashes, has a vital role here in RI, allowing the pack to cruise along comfortably. However, after running along with Shine On, I now know why that pair stay at the front, far from the maddening woman.

Shine On, Dr WHO, Everready, Enema Bill (LAM), PW, Bodhisattva Bondo and a foul smell joined WIPOS the hare on the docks. After an Enema Bill inspired wait for the missing FRBs, the pack was off to explore old railroad tracks, and hazardous soil on the Portuguese banks of the Blackstone.  A check at the end of the tracks sent Enema Bill off to explore some rusting oil tanks, and sent the pack on to some peace and quiet. A minor circle jerk led onto the Red Bridge for the trek to the City of Cianci.

WIPOS set trail for the pack to wander aimlessly in the woods along the Blackstone, through the darkness to the rear of the Wheeler school. Dr WHO and PW searched for the suddenly missing flour trail. Meanwhile Enema Bill LAM, confronted by a large well lit building facing out onto a wooded area well known for illicit homosexual activity and frequent police patrols, began blowing on his horn like a champ, and ran to the front of the building, never to be seen again.

The Hash rejoiced!

The Great Flour Search yielded a grinning hare on the far side of an empty 6 foot deep drainage channel. This impenetrable dog barrier kept up WIPOS’ streak of setting trail designed to be unfriendly to our 4 footed management. After much swearing Bondo and PW lifted the H3 management across the canal, while Shine On swore and began humping a log that had been set across that concrete chasm. " Don’t fuck with me" she screamed at first PW, then the Hare, while she went about her business.

The dogless Dr WHO ran ahead of the pack to a rapid rise from a check. The trail leading out to an "alternative lifestyle" woods, outfitted with condom dispensers and a wonderful pink sequin number. Oh wait, that was the Hare and his new walking stick.

On through the woods, out to the Boulevard of Broken Zippers down the banks to the swollen BlackStone. And the river too. Near Beer was called, and the pack scrambled over another high wall to catch a trail that had been swallowed up by high tide. Another ferrying of dogs, finishing just in time to see the Hare move into the tidal swamp, and go down to his neck in the debris and shit, followed close behind by the H3 sawbones Dr WHO.

Bondo, PW, Eveready and Shine On were having none of that, and sought the out trail (which has a different meaning in this part of town) to the beer stop. The Hare, clever bastard that he is, also put the out trail leading to a stone wall with an 8 foot vertical drop. What could have been beer stop of the year, one without Enema Bill LAM, was not to be because the hare made its location inaccessible. Another wise move.

In the words of Bondo, " Fuck This".

The Bodhisattva and PW, immediately recognizing their surroundings, decided to split up, and seek cover in the company of ladies with two legs or four. PW began the run back with Eveready and Zoe, Bondo with the 3 pooches, Jake, Ben and Shine On. The run back was marked by the sight of 2 men kissing in a car. Oozing and Async finally found.

WIPOS and Dr WHO remained behind, drinking beer in the woods off of a known homosexual area. Alone, in the woods. Behind.

On back across the Red Bridge to the start, where, to everyone’s chagrin, Enema Bill was waiting at the cars, and some sorry ass story about running around the Wheeler school sober and with his pants on. Oozing and Async were never found, leading to wild rumors about Pakistan and the influence of last week's hash trash upon those two impressionable minds.

Eveready saved the day with a hidden six pack in the trunk of the car. A true hasher. The Hare and Dr Who came jogging along about 20 minutes later, each with a wide smile on his face. (Hey Norton, I been looking at you….)

Down downs were given to the hare. Enema Bill LAM then tried to engineer a coup by falsely claiming Eveready was not her true name. Another sign of the old fart’s dementia setting in, this was swiftly knocked away by WIPOS and PW, backing the claims of our fine new addition. As George Wallace said

Eveready it was,

Eveready it is now,

Eveready it shall be.

The Hashit went to Eveready, just because it’s her first run after being named. It also means the residents of 290 Snake Hill Rd will be squatting over the porcelain for the next 7 days. Shine On provided the final moment of jubilation by announcing that because of her new job, she could not join the RIH3 every Monday. Spontaneous dancing and singing erupted along the docks, yielding only to discussion of how this one event could spur a new recruiting drive. PW pointed out that her new salary would be diverted to covering the outrageous Boston H3 hash fees. Pseudo hashers. Poseurs

All except PW moved to the Redbridge tavern for free buffet and lots of Portagee men staring blankly at Monday Night Football. After being fortified by strong beer and chorizo, Enema Bill attempted to start a rousing rendition of " Wee ide ide" followed by a song about female anatomy. This siren call brought the boys back to their inner selves, Dr Who singing chorus, and Bondo attempting to place food in his mouth while complaining about the temperature of the beer.

Shine On giggled uncontrollably, while Eveready pondered why two older men with wives and children would have such a fascination with female genitalia. Then she remembered that " Cosmopolitan" article from last summer about erectile dysfunction and it all made sense.

Pakistan Meri Jaan, Sub Say Pelhay Pakistan!

 

On On!

PW