The Run: 

With everyone fighting each other in the name of God, God was conspicuously absent visiting hapless grandchildren in Cleveland. Nor was there the good Doctor nor the lovely Shine-On with the latter realizing there were healthier ways to endure abuse without exposing yourself to poison-ivy or sub-zero temps.

Everyone gathered at the start promptly on time as Async promised a virgin, or maybe he said virgin-trail. This was hard to believe as Tarbox Pond is vying with Glendale as the most hash-abused area in RI. Nevertheless, the pack was sent NW to the pond skirting the shore then off to the West to the first check that led further West with most of the pack together then to a couple of more checks. By this time, Basket was on his own engaging in quite possibly K9 fornication as Baxter has been mysteriously tired at the end of runs and declining beer for nicotine. Also WIPOS too was missing but was equipped by a satellite-guiding sensor, and the hare.

The pack made the checks and were joined by Basket as they were led to a swamp! Now there was trail that went around the swamp but that would have been 2 more miles. Eager to reach the BC, the pack braved the freezing snapping-turtle infested waters with Oozing leading the way followed by the cyclops-Basket and the Beaver with PW keeping the rear...now you see him now you don't!  PW, depressed by the absence of his favourite hashers Bondo and Shine-On, dove into the swamp in an attempt to kill himself.  In the mold of a non-interfering shrink, Oozing turned away to let him pull himself out of this mess. Unfortunately, still unaware that he held onto his dogs leash, she (too, unknowingly) dragged him to shore, no sooner did she realize this she woofed celibacy and swore never to lick Jakes testicles again! Wet with swamp, altho Miss Eager swore she had been wet ever since she laid eyes on Baxter; the pack was met with a grinning hare and back on trail.

Still no WIPOS! The trail led uphill and thru two more checks to a Turkey/Eagle split. Here Oozing (that crafty muslim sneak) erased the T and ensured all would do the eagle. Up more hill (what are we training for? Afghanistan?) and down again thru more checking and onto a lovely trail (barely visible now that it was pitch-dark) and needing considerable ducking to avoid the vines taking your eye esp. if you have only one like Basket on your head, no not that head! Up another hill and a yellow glare was visible over the rocks...could this be the glare over Kandahar maybe? Eager to join the jihad, the pack picked up pace and over the rocky hill to a fire and a sight quite as bad as the Osama himself: WIPOS reclining on a chair enjoying a beer by the fire! Warmth and beer greeted the weary wet...and upon PW's urging, Basket sang fifty songs. The fire was appreciated as the temp dipped to freezing. Beer consumed and fire extinguished, the pack followed trail out. Now half blind as both Basket and Eagar Beaver had their batteries ran out.

The pack soon made it out to the start and the cars. Circle at the pond, and down down to the hare with a 9.6 rating from the Eager Hoover; the hashit was settled upon PW for never, never going to the ONONs (editors note:and you miss him?). The ONON was at Mikes Grille:we have yet to be thrown out from here!  Good grub and beer consumed,the pack listened to the earnest arguments from Oozing against war and to question our leaders and do some soul-searching as to why we as Americans are so loved around the world, and were unanimous in denouncing the indiscriminate attacks currently under way and ended the night with a prayer to the Almighty Bodishattva Bondo for peace.A-Hash